Before I moved out of my parent's place to my own condo, I always tried to eat with them every Sunday. After I moved out, I kept to the same routine. I would always go back home for some home cooked meals and mom would always give me some food to take back home. After awhile, I would do a bit of cooking at her kitchen - nothing fancy, just helping out here and there. It seems so long now. After she got sick I started to help out a bit more. Sometimes I would ask her for certain recipes. Sometimes she would try and teach me the complex ones but it was hard unless you were actually there to watch her cook. She also never measured. It always depended on the ingredients and the quantity. Sometimes you had to add a bit more spice, salt, ginger or garlic... it all depends. She tried as much as possible to teach me without jamming me into my brain. Sometimes I would try to tell her it's ok - we can do it next time.
After she passed away, I started to cook on Sundays more. Sometimes my sister would make dinner and sometimes I would. I was frustrated that basic things like oyster sauce, sesame seed oil, ginger, garlic are sometimes missing. So I had to bring my own. I would always make the soup ahead of time and then heat it up at my dad's place. I would have all the raw ingredients like meats, all sliced up and marinated. The veggies would all be washed and bagged. All I had to do was cook rice and cook the food when I got there. It was a bit of a mini production.
When I stir fry on the wok, the clanging sound of the spatula scraping and hitting the sides of the wok will inevitably bring my dad into the kitchen. It was kinda strange the first few times. He always did the same thing when mom was cooking and they would joke a bit. He'll be going "You aren't done yet? I'm hungry!" Of course she'll ask him "Then how come you weren't helping in the kitchen?". There are no jokes though for me, just him looking over my shoulder and asking what I'm cooking. I tell him and he'll watch a bit before wandering off.
My mom's kitchen is very quiet now. The wok hasn't been used for quite sometime now. I still check the cupboards and see all the spices, sauces and oils. The sticky drawers are still sticky. It's a small kitchen and I sometimes wonder how mom was able to cook so much out of that small kitchen. She knew where everything was. The extra box of corn starch - yes, bottom drawer on the left. More ginger - behind you on the right. Sesame seed oil - upper shelf on the right and more downstairs if needed. While everything is still there - the heart and soul of the kitchen isn't there anymore. I rarely cook there anymore.
When I read your entries on cooking, I can see the joy and the respect you have with food. Good food is meant to be shared with loved ones. When I see my bf making a feast in his kitchen - I know there's a lot of love and care that he puts into his dishes. It's the same when I watch my brother and his wife cooking for their guests. I hope you all will have or continue to have a lively, loud and wonderful smelling kitchen that's full of love. That's what the soul of a kitchen needs.
Comments (54)
Emeril live is always fun to watch. I want to be able to cook but i'm too lazy to get started. I really like meat but i'm always paranoid about touching raw meat.
When I was younger, my mother cooked every single meal. We had little money and little food, but she could do a lot with a little, and she loved cooking meals for herself and her 4 growing boys. Ever since my parents divorce, she's stopped cooking, and it's so strange to visit and see nothing happening in the kitchen- just heating up frozen food. She hasn't cooked me a meal in years, and it kind of breaks my heart.
this post made me cry.
I dont know much about cooking but i consider cooking to be art. Since i am an artist i can somehow relate to wat u speak of. Sorry bout ur mom. And in my opinion its not good food that should be shared with loved ones i think " food tastes better when u eat it with someone u deeply care about. Peace out.
Sundays were always a big deal at my house. My Dad cooked while we went to Sunday School and then to Church. We always had huge Hungarian feasts I'll never forget. These days, I sometimes take my wok over to my Mom's and make Chinese for her whenever I can. I know the feeling you get when you're in the kitchen. Sorry your Mom isn't around to be with you still.
@osmundaregalis - Me too (osmundaregalis).
I didn't realize your mom passed away, I'm sorry. The brief conversations I had with you about the Mochi duck and Sticky rice stuffing, I just assumed that your mother was still around and that you were just away from home. You know what, I'm going to show you how to make that sticky rice at the very least, and if not, the whole Mochi Duck wth Sticky Rice dish you guys used to have at Thanksgiving.
This post really hit me in a weird place. My mother is still around, but I think sometimes about what if she wasn't -- she told me herself that she regrets not learning her own mother's recipes while she was still around; and only recently have I been able to start replicating her mother's recipes based on things my mother would hint to me. My mother thinks I got my skill from her mother. They were old money in China, and had dozens of chefs in the household; and my grandmother learned enough from all of them to become a cooking teacher after WW2 in Hainan.
I never recommend blog posts, but I think this one is worth it. This will be the first post I have ever recommended.
@secade - This breaks my heart as well. You know, after my own divorce, I gave up cooking too. I just couldn't do it anymore. I link Cooking/ Food with Love so much, that once my marriage fell apart, I just couldn't do it either. I really hope your mother can get it back. It breaks my heart knowing that people who once loved cooking can't do it anymore... because I understand why they can't =/
Jesus. I don't even like thinking about my mom not being around anymore, I can't imagine how I'll cope when she is gone. This post just make me really sad, because I can see the same happening to her kitchen.
I'm sorry your mom isn't physically around anymore, but I think to think that she, like all moms, are still in the kitchen helping you find the rogue garlic that's hiding in the cupboard.
For some time now I've been asking my grandmother to teach me how to make her recipes. She keeps saying that she will, but we still haven't gotten around to it. This post makes me realize that I don't have unlimited amounts of time to spend on other things. I should be working harder on making memories with her, so that I will be able to use her old family German recipes with my family someday. Now I plan on setting up a time to bake with her as soon as I can. Thank you for reminding me of this with your own story.
Matt, I know that when you are cooking for your father, the main ingredient is love. That much comes through loud and clear in all your posts on the subject. If you have that ingredient, all the recipes come together nicely.
@chow@ireallylikefood - Matt does this with many of his cooking related posts. I'm convinced he's plotting to make me short circuit my computer with tears.
@chow@ireallylikefood - Food was always a big deal- she'd make one dish each meal, and we'd have to split it between six people. I'd have to watch her skip meals so her kids could eat, and just the whole process of watching her cook for the peopple she loved was magical to little-kid-me. All she ever does now is gossip about church and avoid me, and our interactions are weird. I always think about our cooking together and baking together butt it's an age that has passed, I guess.
This post makes me want to cherish what time I have left with my parents. Food is really love as I reminisce the memories that it evokes. I am sorry that your mother has passed away.
@christao408 - Chris, I'm sure you do have that main ingredient in all of your cookings too! Tawn is such a lucky guy!
@secade - This reminds me of my own childhood, growing up in the projects. I think about it now, and almost can't believe that my parents would spend so much of what we had, just so that we could eat. I think this may have been the time when I first understood that Food = Love; they didn't make much at all, working long hours in low paying jobs, but they always made sure we had food on the table, because that's the way they showed us love. I almost think sometimes, that it was growing up with nothing that made me appreciate food love so much.
@chow@ireallylikefood - I can understand. I am really, really into food, and it's almost always the most important part of my travels. But at the same time, I'm incredibly un-picky- I just have foods that I like, and a small minority of foods that I don't like (wtf MONKfish??). It often weirds people out that I'm always willing to try almost any food, and that I never leave food on my plate. I think that if you've ever gone hungry- actually can't-buy-any-more-food hungry, that your eating habits are irreconcilably changed, but for the better.
came by at MChow's recommendation. this is such a great post! i've never learned to cook from my mother growing up because i had such a bad relationship with her then, and that was one of my way of pretending like i didn't care to learn anything from her. we're doing much better now, but i can't tell you how much i regret that. you're sooooo right. the older i get, the more i realize food is such a wonderful, natural avenue of sharing love with people. so i'm now learning to cook.
:) i live away from my parents. but ever sincei was young i always observe her cooking in the kitchen and thats how i learned to cook. i also go with her to traditional market, and learned how to pick the fresh fruits, vegs and meats that way. thats what i miss most from living abroad and of course the autenthicity of my mother's cooking using traditional ingredients... i can hardly find the smelly, wet traditional market like we used to go to.... with little dark alleys ;p i love cooking much more than baking... most of the reason is because i dont like measuring spices etc. and thats how my mother does it too :))
(((hugs))) thank you so much for sharing.
You reminded me of our weekly Sunday trip to my grandma home for the main meal of the day. It was right after we went to church and the meal was always a surprise. Seven uncles and their families were there also. Yes, we had a lot of stews but also stuffed cabbage and home made bread and rolls. My mom learned to cook the same way. If I brought anyone home for Sunday supper there was more than enough food. I did not learn to cook all that was part of our traditional foods but my sister has the hidden cookbook. They are the recipes with all the true ingredients and correct amounts. Seems the family refused to share the real recipes.
Yes indeed.
You can be the soul!
I miss my mommy's cooking. :(
moving.