Sunday, 29 July 2012
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Life goes on
We had dinner with my cousin and his family tonight. On the way to the restaurant, my dad asked "How is C (my cousin) related to us?" I told my dad that C is his nephew, the son of his youngest brother B. "How is B doing now? Is he still in Edmonton?" I had to tell him again that his brother had passed away last year. He paused as he grappled to understand. He knew he forgotten. He asked "What illness did he have?" After I told him that it was cancer, he stopped asking questions and remained quiet for the rest of the trip. My sister and I eventually made some small talk in the car. It's not the first time he has forgotten family members (including me) and events. He remembers some things but will forget others. It used to be he would remember the old days. But that doesn't seem to be the case anymore.
As we were having dinner, he smiled and waved at my cousin's baby girl. He was genuinely delighted to see my cousin's 2 young daughters. He greeted the kids as if he was the proud grandparent. He would occasionally wave at them, make faces and make them smile. I wonder if he did that to me when I was a baby. I watched as my cousin carefully pluck the lobster meat out for his daughter. She giggled and smiled as she ate it. I filled my dad's bowl with food as he couldn't reach the lazy susan. My cousin and I were almost mirroring each others moves. Except I watched him with a mixture of happiness and envy.
I have to remind myself there is happiness and joy at all phases in the cycle of life. It's easy and apparent at the beginning when you have a baby. It's a lot deeper and perhaps meaningful near the end with an elderly parent.
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Comments (18)
This is a great observation.
A poignant observation, Matt. It sounds like your father's path keeps getting rougher.
Aww.... Matt, you last paragraph really evoked so much thought into my state of thought! I agree that we have to find some sort of happiness during everyday of our lives. :)
so true.
what a great last line. thanks for reminding me. i'mma give my mother a hug tonight.
my grandpa is going thru the same thing.... best of luck... sending you lots of love and positive vibes (hugs)
You don't have to be envious of your cousin, you can have a daughter too and then you can pluck out lobster meat for her too!
I know where you are Matt. Lost my Dad back in March. 83 and still working full time until he got sick in late December. Mom is home in hospice care now. Every morning when I get up, I approach with some trepidation. Is she still breathing? She had a few fairly lucid moments last night. A good thing. Be there for him. It will matter to you down the road. Here for you if I can be.
As he gets older your dad will find it more and more difficult. As you know being the good son that you are he will need your support. It is good he enjoys children!
As others said, very poignant observation. thank you for this perspective. I have older parents and wonder how things will be in the future.
I don't have much to add to what the others have said here Matt. You have proved over and over again how diligent you are in the care of your father. Somewhere in some level, he knows how attentive you are. love.
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you said it best in your last paragraph. love is what you have shown through your care for your dad. and that, matt, something that i'm sure your cousin, or anyone, will notice and be envious of. hugs.
@whyzat - thank you, I wish it didn't take me so long to appreciate it.
@christao408 - I feel his vulnerability. Thanks for the rec.
@CurryPuffy - I was just at your blog and as always I enjoyed all the pictures. But most of all, I just enjoyed the fact the 2 of you are together. That made me happy.
@MichellelyNg - yes it is, thank you for visiting.
@KevEats - you're always so concise.
@radio03 - I hope your mom appreciated the hug.
@Sinful_Sundae - thank you, I'm sending you and your grandfather lots of love.
@tomatoboi - I hope so, I really do. It's probably one of my biggest fantasy.
@Toro69 - thanks for the words of advice Fred - do take care.
@Fatcat723 - it was kinda interesting watching him with kids. I rarely see that side of him.
@lovepeacecalm - well - it never hurts to start planning early on.
@ZSA_MD - my brother and sis are there too. I appreciate your kind words of comfort. Thank you for the rec as well.
@rudyhou - I'm usually the one that holds on to him when he is walking. When I first did that, I was resentful and didn't like being stared at. But now, I don't care - I just grab his arms almost by instinct when we walk together.
@ElusiveWords - i kinda expected that. never doubted your love for your dad.
@rudyhou - thanks for those kind words Rudy... appreciate the rec as well.
yup LIfe goes on......a meaningful life cycle........... couple of months ago I went to the Hospital visited an uncle, and saw his daughter who's the same age as me taking care of him, the image of her when she was young and being taken care of by his father just popped up in my mind.....and had such a mixed feeling.........