Saturday, 22 September 2012
Sometimes I think writing keeps me sane. Maybe it's just the process of sorting and organizing all these thoughts that fly around in my mind. Try to picture bats flying madly around in a cave, except my thoughts sometimes collide with each other. Recipes and S&M collide. A wok wrapped in black leather being sensually tortured over a hot stove. Food and cars collide. A Civic Si HFP covered in a heaping mound of fried rice. It's strange.
I woke up this morning with a headache. It's not a big massive headache. But it's big enough for me to notice it. I look for my aspirins but they have disappeared. I have no idea where my aspirin ran off too. I think my aspirin has eloped with my viagra. Eternal sex w/o any headaches.
Maybe what I really need is a morning assistant. I need to become a morning person again.
Here's what I'm looking for.
- Monday to Friday, show up at 5:15 AM - leave around 9:15 AM
- my alarm will ring at 5:30 AM. If I don't get out of bed within 5 minutes you gently (and I mean gently) persuade me to get out of bed.
- no tickling, no pinching, no yelling, no spikes, no whips, no taser guns...
- help me downstairs (only 4 steps) to the bathroom
- fetch my newspapers so I can read while I take a dump
- make sure I don't finish reading the entire newspaper in the bathroom
- gently push me into the shower
- get my clothes ready
- make coffee and breakfast
- make sure I have some fruits too
- open the blinds, windows etc...
- nudge me over to my desk and power up my laptop
- stick around to make sure I didn't forget all my passwords
- make sure I have a healthy lunch in the fridge
- give me a word of encouragement