March 27, 2008

  • Crossroads

    I had a very bizarre dream the other night.  I don’t remember a lot of the details.  The only thing I remember was the feeling of being sentenced
    to death.   I wasn’t even in a prison but I knew my time
    would be up in a couple of days.  That’s
    pretty well all I could remember.  I woke
    up with this intense feeling of how unfair this was, I was angry but most of
    all, I remember the sense of regret.  I
    didn’t want my life to end this way.  It was so
    sudden.  I wanted to do more.  I wanted to live my life differently.

    The feeling lingered on for some time.  A few days later, there was the Xanga featured
    question about the fear of death.  Well,
    I thought my answer was the pain and suffering that I might have to suffer
    towards the end.  But I wasn’t really
    able to articulate that nagging feeling until I thought about it a lot
    more. 

    Sometimes I just have to write to get things out of my
    system.  Maybe it’s because I internalize
    things a bit too much.  My biggest fear
    about death is really regretting that I didn’t live my life to my
    potential.  Now I don’t mean that I
    should just quit my job and enjoy myself. 
    But I want to make sure I didn’t squander this precious gift of
    life. 

    I’ve been working late almost every night these past few
    weeks.  The irony isn't lost on me. 

Comments (15)

  • i think that's one of my biggest fears about death too, that i didn't get to accomplish everything in life that i wanted to, and that i didn't make an impact on anyone's life.  i know i'm still young, but that just means that there are a lot of goals i have left unfulfilled, and i just hope that i get a chance to achieve them.  i am trying to teach myself how to take advantage of every opportunity that come my way while maintaining a balance in my life for the people i love and care about, so that if i die (which can happen at any time unexpectedly) i will have at least tried my best to make the most of my life.

  • I think the fear of not totally realizing my potential will be part of the fear. The other side of death is the fear of dying alone.

  • Wow,, that's a lot to think about,,

    something I think we all need to take a look at daily.

    thanks for the reminder, i appreicate the post.

    be well,

      *~matthew~*

  • Take just one day at a time. Don't take the whole life thingy in one swoop. You present your own beauty and miracles into other peoples' lives daily Matt, for which they are very grateful I am sure. Stop and smell the perfumes in the cosmetics departments sometimes. lol.

  • i just try not to think about death. it gets scary when i try to analyze it so i just don't.

  • *HUGS*  It was only a dream. You are alive and well so make the most of every day and do the things you want to do.  Hopefully you can stop working so late so that you can find time to do some of those things.  I always feared death when I was young but not so much anymore.  Go figure.

  • I can understand your fear of not doing enough before your time is done...I know that I think of all that I have to do before I'm ready to go...You're so very young, you have time.....RYC: Your demeanour is that of a caregiver/father, I can see why she thought you'd be a dad, that is too cute....remember there is still time... 'Til The Next

  • I once had this vivid dream of a very violence and bloody murder. This blurry dark (very possibly a strong force, man?) figure was on top me while I was trying so hard to fight off of him and for my own life. I basically screamed and woken up. I don't have many dreams or much that I can remember. This is my most memorable one. I sat there on my bed for a total of 15 minutes trying to figure out whether it was real and what was it all about or does it mean something to me.

  • Get more rest!!  Be careful...don't catch those flu or cold!

  • You reminded me of the nightmare I had last weekend. In my dream there was a woman who was possessed by a ghost, and she used something to pierce my hand, and I yelled and wake up at the same time XD

  • You can't spend your life worrying about how much you have accomplished. Nobody puts that on their gravestone. ya know? Maybe you should watch a silly cartoon or something light before you go to bed. :)  

  • hehehe thx feels great to be back, you better get ready for new entries. =]

  • RYC: I wish my painting skills were not much into the abstract. We have had too many power problems at the park where I live. I hae a surge bar but it may not be good enough!

  • http://www.dreamhawk.com/d-death2.htm

  • I had a very frightening dream about death when I was around 20. Some lady in black came to our dim sum table and told my parents and me that I won't live past 25 years of age. I won't dare to tell people about this until now that I am 26. Scary, huh?

    How powerful dreams are.......

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