July 2, 2008

• Running for My Life

  The heat from the jungle blanketed me like an itchy wool
  blanket.  The thorns from the thick undergrowth were like razors.  The pain
  from the cuts was made worse by the sweat oozing into the wounds. 
  The bites from the insects added to the misery.  I stopped and looked behind me but couldn’t
  see anything.  The wall of sound
  from the animals and insects was loud and eerie. 
  

  I wiped the sweat from my brow and continued to plow on.  Suddenly the jungle noise stopped.  I quickly ducked.  I could hear a branches snapping and what
  sounded like a stampede.  Within seconds,
  I saw a big, angry, ugly hippo running right at me.  I jumped but it was too late.  It hit me at full stride and fireworks
  exploded in my eyes.  I struggled back to
  my feet and fell again.  It was just
  standing there and for a moment, I thought it was snickering at me. 

  I got to my hands and knees and slowly crawled away while
  gasping for air.  It was painful trying
  to breath.  My vision started to blur and
  I bumped into a tree.  The tree trunk
  moved and I looked up.  It was the
  biggest elephant I ever saw.  In a split
  second, he had me in his trunks, whipped me over his head and slammed me back
  to the ground.  I didn’t even have time
  to struggle.  I pulled open an eyelid to
  take one last look at mother earth.  The
  only thing I saw was this huge pile of steaming hot elephant dung dropping on
  me. 

  My life shouldn’t end like this.  I waited slowly until the dung
  beetles rolled the steaming hot elephant dung off me.  I struggled to my knees and then to my
  feet.  I cried and thanked the Lord for another
  chance to live.  I croaked out loud “I
  will change my life!”  I took a step
  forward but my body wouldn’t move.  I heard
  breathing… or rather snorting.  I turned
  around slowly.  A gorilla was holding on
  to the remnants of my tshirt.  I glared
  back defiantly.  The gorilla snorted back
  & leaned his head against my face.   I head butted him hoping that would surprise
  him.  I was surprised by how hard his
  skull was.  He put me in a headlock and
  tucked my head underneath his armpit.  The
  stench was unbelievable and I started to gag. 
  

  My arms flailed against his back but he only tightened his
  grip.  I thought my skull would
  explode.  I started to black out.  The only thing I could see was some numbers
  in red.  5…4… 3….2…1.

  Finally, my workout was over.  I’m sore, stinky, battered and my ass is sore from the squats and lunges.   I hate
  working out.  I really do.

  Tonight, I get to do it all over again.      

  • 10:07 PM
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