September 17, 2008
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By comparison to dad...
A relative of mine sent me pictures that he had scanned. They are pictures of my family from years
ago. I was just a little brat back
then and had this smug look. My brother and sister had their usual brother and sister look. When I look at them now, I can see them as they are years ago. My mom had a big framed glasses
and a gentle smile. Dad had a big grin
and looked vaguely like Russell Wong. I
was struck by how young he looked, a head full of hair, bright eyes – full of
life, vigor and joy. His career was on
the rise and he was getting well known in the business community. He was
happily married with a young family.A few years after that picture was taken, he would immigrate
to Canada
to a very uncertain future. He put aside
his own career for a new start – for us. I don’t know if he knew how tough and how
humbling it would be.By coincidence, I’m the same age now as he was in the
picture. I can’t help but compare how
much more he’s accomplished at my age than what I’ve accomplished so far. He’s faced greater challenges than I
have. By comparison, I’ve had an easy
life. I never experienced a war. I always had food on the table and a roof
over my head. I went to good
schools. I had all the essentials.I guess the pictures triggered a mixture of emotions. It's a combination of appreciation of my parent's sacrifices, happiness at some old memories and the feeling of not being good
enough. Logically these old feelings of insecurities don't make make sense. But insecurities can be persistent. It’s almost like rust in some ways. You just have to keep yourself buffed, honed
and strong. If you ignore it, they'll eat you up.
Comments (19)
i guess the newer and younger generations have it far more easier than the older generations. you're right, you just have to remain strong. i try not to feel like i'm a failure or something, but occasionally i run into situations like this and i wonder if maybe i should be living my life some other way...hm, hm, hm...
This reminds me of sometime ago when I saw my "younger" dad in one of my family albums....those were the good old times indeed!
Your dad, my granddad, etc. moved to Canada to make a better life for their families and to make it easier on us so that we wouldn't have to struggle as much as them. But I know what you mean, when you do the comparison you feel so inept.
But in your own way I'm sure you have accomplished a lot, just accomplished different things. 
@brooklyn2028 - Yeah, I know - it's comparing apples and oranges. It's just that nagging feeling. Btw - you better be updating soon. I'm rereading your old entries (reruns).
@curry69curry - yeah, I need to scan some of these old photos to my PC.
@ABSOLUTmichael - I sometimes ask myself, would I be able to do what he did if I faced similar challenges?
There is no reason for us to feel insecure. Our parents lived in a different era. One thing is sure, you are your own man and you have your own challenges to take. Being able to hurdle any trial (be it small by other standards) would not make you less-accomplished. Thanks for sharing this post. It made me long for my own Dad.
I would like to borrow these words from one of your commenter:
“But in your own way I'm sure you have accomplished a lot, just accomplished different things.”
It's a different generation so I wouldn't worry too much about comparing to another generation. Of course you can (I dislike those who say apples and oranges can't be compared), but is there a need? A better question to ponder is have you accomplished or accomplishing what you have set out to do?
I always believed that each generation is presented with problems. The problems change from generation to generation but they will be presented and each of us will have to move to challenge those problems and overcome them.
i think we all have much to appreciate about what our parents did for us. i think it's easier to look back and be impressed by the accomplishments of others than to appreciate what we have done and are currently doing, because we are harsh critics of ourselves. but when we get to the stage in life our parents are at now, i'm sure others will look back at our lives, too, and be amazed at all we've done.
really feel bothered when my family insists me taking a pic, but when you like at it, it's worth the while.
ahhh i remember a lot of things....not from my parents but mainly from my grandmother. she was always there for me and my siblings and i learned a lot of things from her. i appreciate everything for what she's done and how i can apply what i learned from her for myself in the future.
do you look like your dad? i've seen a pic of mine from when he was my age - i only know of one pic that exists - and he looked just like me at that age. so weird!
All of us, the expatriots, have gone thru the rigors and trials of life. Some of us came here because of our children and others came here because of relationships. Your account of dad is so personal. Just last night I was thinking about posting something like this. I hope you won't mind if I do it.
Your father had pride in what he did. You are your father's son. I see a lot of pride in your words darling Matt. God bless.
@Norcani - I know it's not logical to feel insecure. It's just that nagging thought...
@choyshinglin - yeah, I liked what Sheldon had to say too.
@mmmagination - that's a fair question to ask, one of my goals have always been to understand and live to my full potential.
@Fatcat723 - yeah, my challenges are different ... just that nagging feeling.
@kunhuo42 - I hope so.
@orchidgrass - yep... it's worth it.
@criticaldamage15 - I remember you writing about your grandmother a few times.
@JonasApproved - wow... that must have been something. I don't really look like my father, my brother does though.
@ZSA_MD - I'm looking forward to your entry. Thanks for your comment. Yeah, I'm pretty pround of him.
I think we all wonder whether we are the measure of our parents. Have we done as much, accomplished as much, and lived as well as they have? Have we honored the lessons they taught us and the investment and sacrafice they made in our lives?
yes, we do have it easy. i've also have thought of the same thoughts on how difficult it must have been for my parents to built a life for themselves and their family. i couldn't imagine going through the same difficult life trying to raise 3 kids and provide a roof over for a mother, brothers and sisters like my dad did in the past (he's the eldest son). i definately can't compete with that.
@rudyhou - I agree... I think being the eldest son (my dad was also the eldest son) carries more responsibilities.
you don't say... ;(
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