November 10, 2008
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I’ve been chatting on and off with my cousin online recently. He’s gay and has been out since he was about 16. He’s younger than I am but has been through more than I have. I haven’t seen him in years and we only met once at a family reunion almost 10 years ago. Prior to the reunion, I was looking at pictures from a previous reunion. There was one guy I didn’t know. But since there are a lot of mixed marriages in my family, I just assumed that the Caucasian guy was either married to one of my relatives or someone’s boyfriend. After accounting for everyone, it dawned on me that he wasn’t with any of the female relatives. I asked my mom about this guy and she grudgingly admitted that he was my cousin’s “friend”.
During the reunion, we shared a room and chatted easily each night. At the first night, he asked me if I knew he was gay. I nodded and said that someone had already told me. He then asked if I was uncomfortable with it and I said no. I didn’t tell him about me though. We had a pretty good time and developed a comfortable rapport. We kept in touch after the reunion but then he moved around and I lost touch.
He popped back online earlier this year. We were chatting easily and time didn’t erode our relationship. One night he said something to the effect “I know you’re not gay but gay friendly….” I just typed back “I’m gay.” There was a pause and he replied that he wasn’t surprised. He told me he always had a strong feeling I was gay. Now it was my turn to be surprised. I asked him why he thought that. He said most straight guys would feel a bit hesitant or perhaps uncomfortable talking with him.
It was the easy rapport and the level of comfort we both had with each other that led him to conclude that I was probably gay. It's different talking to him now. I'm glad he knows about me now. That family bond we have just seems a bit stronger.
Comments (28)
You both have good gaydar? I do not know any of my relatives who is gay. Maybe just my gaydar is not good at all. hehe.
@stevew918 - I've long given up on mine. Weird... some people are good at this though.
Me either. Gaydar is just not something I am good at, at all. But that's really nice to know someone in the family who is and also developed the comfortable level/friendship.
I can just hear the contempt in your mother's voice when she said the word "friend". LOL
That term "Friend" has popped up at many of our families gatherings. Seems my orientation was never accepted by the extended family and of course not by my parents. My sister and niece seem to be okay with the idea. Well, my niece just asks directly if he is my lover
. My gaydar is getting rusty
.
i know i have a distant cousin who is gay, but i haven't even really met him. i kind of wish there was, though; then i would have someone to talk to at family gatherings like you do!
my parents aren't comfortable enough for me to bring my bf back to meet them... hopefully someday, though.
erm... i was told that gay will know who is gay, is that true?
Well, to be fair, I think you are gay friendly, too. Or a friendly gay. Something like that.
Very cool to have that connection with another family member. While most of my family members are very supportive, I don't seem anyone else who is gay. Would be kind of nice to have that in common.
@lcfu - It seems that for many of us, that is true. But for others, it is not. I've been told that my "gaydar" is pretty good. Heck, when I met you I knew within about three seconds that you weren't!
But still a nice guy...
@Nickolaj - yeah... it's a pretty good friendship as well.
@CareyGLY - it was kinda weird listening to her talk like that.
@Fatcat723 - yay for kids.... everything is just natural to them.
@kunhuo42 - well no upcoming family gatherings and he lives in CA. But it's nice to have someone else to chat with.
@lcfu - it doesn't work for me.
@christao408 - odd.. I guess what you're saying is that just because someone is gay doesn't mean they are also gay friendly.
@ElusiveWords - my relative lives in california too... somewhere in norcal i think. maybe we're related hahaha. (unless by CA you meant canada?)
@kunhuo42 - hahaha - his dad is originally from Hawaii (hmm...). He lives in San Diego.
great story...the ties that bind...it's so interesting what u find out about family sometimes
What a nice story.
@ElusiveWords - hmm.... ok, i was mistaken, i don't know if he lives in norcal or not; all i know he and his partner live somewhere in california. wouldn't that be pretty funny if we were related?
@kunhuo42 - oh wow... it would be great if we were!
@mmmagination - thank you.
@snowjunky8 - sometimes family secrets turn out to be good.
reading the first part,regarding the relationship between father and son...I guess the western culture makesit more like friends while back in Asian even today we can still see the distance in between becos of the invisible Authority (o being a father?)
hm...I wonder who from my family chiain would have known my opened-secret.......???
That is such a sweet story! It's great that you guys have that bond, something that you guys share which no one else can understand!!
@brooklyn2028 - yeah, we joke around quite a bit. It's nice.. almost like a brotherly type of relationship.
@agmhkg - growing up, I was a lot closer to my mom than my dad. A lot of this was due to dad working 2 jobs and also being the "authority" figure.
I wish i have a cousin like that.
but i guess not.
@vsan79 - I'm pretty fortunate. But hey, you have us here in Xanga land (I know it's not the same).
@ElusiveWords - Originally my comment was meant more as a play on words than anything else. But, come to think of it, yes some gays aren't particularly gay friendly. I think of people I know who look down on other gays they consider to be "effeminate" as well as those who are very unfriendly towards trans members of the community. And certainly there is no shortage of racism within the gay community.
In a different way from what you describe in your post, I hate it when people ask if I'm gay (and suspect that I am). That just erodes my confidence.
For example: one time, I volunteered with some friends, and one of the friends had brought a cousin. After I left, the cousin asked if I was gay, which my "friends" found hilarious because they suspected the same... >:[
My gaydar is pretty good so I'm pretty sure that many of my family members are gay. It's just awkward approaching them with that topic though. hahah
@christao408 - It's a diverse community. I also think to some of the prejudices we have in the Chinese community against others in the same community. Sad but true.
@Senlin - aww - don't let those guys get to you. Just brush them off. *hugs*
@Rm2046 - hmm... I need to borrow your gaydar.
if only this could happen to just about everyone, life would be so much easier.
@rudyhou - true - I'm really fortunate to have him as a friend and a cousin.
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