March 2, 2009
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Don’t get old
As usual on Sundays, I picked up my dad for dinner. My sister was running late and couldn’t make it. That’s fine with me. It gives dad and I some time together. He was already waiting for me with a clean shirt, a tie and his favorite fleece vest. I felt somewhat sloppy with my 3 day old stubble, a wrinkled sweater, cargo pants and sneakers. As he put on a blazer, I commented how formal he looked. He grimaced and said he couldn’t find his winter jacket. He thought he left it in the car. I went to the garage and looked inside his car but I couldn’t find it. As I closed the garage door, he was coming out into the chilly winter night with just a blazer. He said he would be fine.
I led him back inside and told him we should look for his winter jacket instead. He was a bit frustrated but didn’t argue. I double checked the hallway closet and looked inside his bedroom. He slowly walked into his old bedroom which he hasn’t slept in for some time. As I was rummaging around, he said he found it. I was surprised he left it in his old bedroom. I know he doesn’t go inside there if he can help it. I used to water the plants every weekend because he won’t go inside. After a while, I just took those plants home with me.
He took off the blazer and I helped him into his winter jacket. The only thing he doesn’t like about the jacket is the zipper. His fingers have trouble lining the zipper up so I help him. One time, he just muttered “This f*cking zipper.” It’s not one of those big zippers where everything seems to slide easily. I think it would be similar if we tried zipping up a jacket while wearing oversized gloves.
As he stood up, he let out a sigh and said “Don’t get old Matt. I just can’t remember things anymore. Don’t get old like me.”
I just smiled and said we will all go through that stage. I did a quick check of the lights and we left. As we headed out, I handed him his cane. He doesn’t like using the cane but I gently tell him again to just carry it along just in case he needs it. I lock the doors and slowly followed behind him. But I don’t think I could ever describe myself as following his footsteps.
Comments (27)
I love when you talked about your dad. They are inspiring and so touching. Words cannot describe how much i am touched with your entries.
wow he was wearing a suit? so formal!
I think I would probably buy him a easy to put on winter jacket so it wouldn’t remind him of how his fingers are not as nimble anymore.
But this post isn’t about getting a new jacket.
You transcribed your feelings perfectly, and this is one of the reasons why I really enjoy reading your blog.
@Nickolaj - thank you Nick. I’m glad you enjoyed it as much I enjoyed writing about him. Thanks too for the recommendation.
@ChinaPrep - not quite a suit but shirt & tie. He was better dressed than I was.
@Wangium - thanks for the compliment Jason. Sometimes entries like these are easy to write. But there are days when I struggle to chisel out a couple of incoherent sentences. I thought about getting a new jacket but he got this for Christmas. (sigh)
Why not get him a 2nd jacket?
@Wangium - I was also debating that too. He will put up a fuss about how wasteful it is. He’s not easy to shop for.
Your dad is lucky having a good son like Matt, paying regular visits and having meals with his dad. As I was reading your entry, I wonder when I’ll ever get close to my dad just like you, since I’m now living thousands of miles away.
great entry. I understand the dislike of dependency.
thank you very much for sharing this.
i enjoy this entry very much.
maybe because i dont really have such a bond with my parents, especially my dad. 
@Nickolaj - It’s true, isn’t it? Whenever Matt writes about his visits with his father, a tear or two well up in my eyes. Not sure why but I think it is that he captures the challenge of watching a parents grow into old age with such simple clarity, and it really rings true.
getting old….I did encounter a couple of uncles and aunties who behaving like going back to their child-hood to be dependent again after all these years of being intelligence, independant, I suppose that’s Life?
@christao408 - I absolutely agreed. You put them nicely into words for me.
I love your writing about you and your dad. Yes, it does cause me to get a tear or two in my eyes
. I think that is because the relationship you have with your dad is what I would have loved with my dad. And you are a great son!!!
@curry69curry - it’s taken a long time to get to this stage in our relationship. I feel for people that are separated by vast distances. When my mom was alive, she had regular calls with her sister in the US and her other sister in HKG and her brother also in HKG. It helped closed the gap a bit but obviously it wasn’t the same. *hugs* to you Gary.
@pureboy123 - thank you.
@h1t5uj1 - I’m glad you enjoyed the entry.
@christao408 - I think part of the writing about it is me trying to deal with his aging.
@agmhkg - yeah, elder care is not easy.
@Fatcat723 - thank you. I guess families and relationships are a rich source of material to write about. It’s also my way of trying to deal with his aging and watching him at the twilight of his life.
@overdrawn -
I hope you don’t tire of me telling you how much I admire your relationship with your father. You write so well, and it touches me deeply, as it makes me long for that closeness. You are a good man Matt,, I hope you know this in your own heart.
be well, *~matthew~*
@bleuzeus - Thank you. I don’t get tired of compliments (hee hee…). You take care too.
i am sooo scared of getting old. honest truth.
Gosh… you’re gonna make me cry…
@ABSOLUTmichael - in theory we are more mature and are better able to cope with the physical and mental demands of aging. In the meantime, you have decades to go before anyone would call you elderly.
@Binakwan - aww… *hands tissue over*
i think that’ll always be my problem coz’ i never grew – mind, body and um, mind. lol!
next time, try getting your dad those that are buttoned
you are a responsible son, matt. you take care of your dad and you’ve done a lot.
what does your dad do for fun? what excites him nowadays?
You and your dad are very lucky to have each other and to have such a good friendship. And your dad must love you very much.
@Renatojr3 - it’s not easy for his fingers as some of them are bent from arthritis.
@stepaside_loser - he tires easily but he does read quite a bit. If it’s TV, it’ll be Discovery, documentaries or news. Sometimes he’ll watch a bit of soccer.
@jojobaDESIGNS - it’s taken a long time to develop this relationship.
I enjoyed reading this. It was very touching in a way =D
i have a bad feeling that i may loose most of my memories before i get old enough to use it as an excuse for my old age. i forget things all the time. it is in our genes or is it an individual thing?
@ElusiveWords - Yes, sometimes it does. I’m glad for you both, your having done this. Better late than never.