June 11, 2009
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Feelings of envy and jealousy
This may sound a bit weird. When I see guys, especially guys that are younger than I am, drive nice cars, or have nice gadgets, or have a nice house, or enjoy a luxurious life style - I get these pangs of envy and jealousy. I wonder how they got the money. Was it their parents or did they earn it?
These feelings first reared their ugly head when I was in my teens. I've long tried to suppress them but every so often they surface. They are usually accompanied by a mixture of anger, resentment, sadness and self pity. They remind me of the times when I didn't have a lot of things. Don't get me wrong - I had food on the table, a roof over my head, clothes on my back and an education. I remember wanting a bike. All of my classmates had one. The kids in my neighborhood had one. We could never afford one. My dad didn't have to explain why we couldn't get a bike.
Fortunately these feelings go away - usually in a few minutes. The odd time, it'll linger on for awhile. Then it's simply logic that chases it away. I don't know why these feelings show up from time to time. Is it insecurity or some unresolved issues or who knows? I don't know why I'm even writing about it. It just feels so ... silly.
Food pics.
This is pork riblets made with fermented red bean curd. This is the first time I've tried this recipe. I got it from a site called House of Annies. I've always wanted to try this. My aunt walked me through a few steps a couple of months ago and I used the recipe as a guide. It's a dish my mom used to make. It was good for a first attempt.
The meat was falling off the bones. The sauce has this pinkish color and it's really hard to describe the taste.
Maybe one of you can take a stab at it.
On work nights, it's usually something simple. This one is basically whole wheat spaghetti with a
meat sauce. I've simply added some ground beef and onions to a basic sauce (it was on sale). The
spinach was from the weekend farmers market. It was very good and didn't have a lot of sand.
Comments (20)
Its typical for us to always compare ourselves to those who have more than to those who have less. Everyone feels envy and jealousy from time to time, which I feel is sometimes a good thing if you can channel it to motivate yourself. For the moment, I prescribe to you one of my favorite poems:
http://www.spirasolaris.ca/Desiderata.html
You can wash away all sand in spinach if you take more time and wash it thoroughly. I usually let it soak in water for a couple of minutes and dry it in a salad spinner
You should come to LA and see how fancy peoples' cars are; sometimes, I wonder how these kids who just started working could afford such luxurious items and gadgets. They must have been 'moon-lighting' in some side jobs.
When I see guys, especially guys that are younger than I am, drive nice cars, or have nice gadgets, or have a nice house, or enjoy a luxurious life style - it makes me want to fuck them.
You're not alone in that one, Matt. We're so awash in messages of conspicuous consumption that even the most Ghandi-esque person would be jealous of someone's new iPhone, Mini Cooper, or whatnot. Or, more simply, of something basic that someone has (a bicycle) that we don't.
Beyond the messages of consumption, I think we're evolutionarily hard-wired for displays of wealth. Not unlike the peacock strutting around showing off his colorful plumage, we want to display the things we have and desire the things we see that others have.
As you know, we can overcome those feelings, turn to the comfort of knowing what "enough" is, and realize that happiness already lies within ourselves.
@caihwei - Nice quote; thanks for sharing.
@wutuwaitn4 - So maybe what Matt is feeling isn't really envy and jealousy? =)
@caihwei - yeah... I do use it from time to time as a means of motivation. It's been a long time since I've read that poem. Thank you for the reminder. As for the spinach, I also try to wash them in smaller batches too.
@curry69curry - I don't know... I keep thinking it's just the parent's money. Nothing wrong with that I suppose. I guess if I had the money at that age, I would have purchased some of those toys too.
@wutuwaitn4 - hahahaha... I never thought about that.
@christao408 - yeah, I agree with you about happiness can't be fulfilled by material goods.
I don't get jealous of those things...I guess I never cared much about material things.
I did, however, wanted a bike...but the worst thing is I know my mom could afford it, but she just won't get it because she doesn't want to make me feel like I have everything and spoil me. The thing is, she never buys me anything. I never get toys, I never get to go out with friends, I never had allowance, and the things I buy are usually thrown out by her because she wanted me to "study hard".
I think that killed my interest in school...the funny thing is...I work in one now...
That's why I am buying toys for myself now
i wanna try your made wheat spaghetti =p
anyway hmn...i didnt have a good childhood life but what i gotta tell here is i never feel regret or jealous... because if not that situation... i wouldnt be this strong FuFu now
I know how you feel when it comes to envy. I think it's just difficult to get over how some people have easier paths in life than we do. But we cope with it and gain more appreciation of the little things that we do have. I see it as a lesson in humility.
i feel like that too sometimes; oh, the things i would love to have with lots of money. but i know that money and things won't make me happy, in the long run.
Mattie, just as there is a difference between pleasure and happiness, there is a difference between the inner peace of self satisfaction and the peace that you have with all the material things. I bet the kids you see in their fancy cars, would give any thing to have a little bit of the peace that you have within you. If you were to go to India or Philippines or Afghanistan, or any other country in Asia, there will be hundreds of people there who will envy you your good fortune for what you do in life in a Western civilized country. It's all relative Matt. Just a figment of relativity.
Be happy, and celebrate life. Love you.
@Wangium - I think it takes awhile to get over some of these feelings that have roots in childhood. Enjoy your toys.
@lcfu - you've come along way FuFu and I hope you'll write more about your journey sometime.
@Rm2046 - you're right. I do have a better appreciation of what I have and the sacrifices my parents made.
@kunhuo42 - it's a good thing that these feelings don't last long. Money may pay the bills but it doesn't nourish the soul.
@ZSA_MD - that's so true. I remember some of the pictures you took in India of the kids in the orphanage and some of the smiles they had. It is all relative. I'm glad these feelings don't last a long time.
I try hard to keep my envy in check. I find it's tough at times. While I'm in my 40's now, I can easily look at those in their 20's and be envious of the youth they have, the fresh skin, the full heads of hair. Add the gadgets and cars, and I can see green, but mine like yours is short lived. (usually).
blah,, blah,,, blah, what I mean to say, is you're obviously not alone.
*~matthew~*
@bleuzeus -
yes, I know what you mean. I'd like to believe "Matthews" tend to think the same way.
I was a pretty bitter kid when I was younger, and it usually came out with money. When I was 17, I moved to a real wealthy neighborhood and was constantly frustrated to see kids flaunt wealth so much. Even more than that, I hated seeing kids being 'helped' out by their parents for getting into colleges, or internships, and full-time jobs. I still get kinda pissed off about it; I am not sure if it's okay or not, or even how to stop that feeling. It's a strange thing.
@secade - well, sometimes those kids that are spoiled so early end up with very little survival skills. I just try to think about how much I've accomplished rather than focused on what I've accumulated. And I tend to take care of the things I purchase (e.g. cars). I don't change cars every year or so.
Thanks for comments and for visiting.
Hi,
I'm glad you liked our recipe enough to try it! It's one of those "exotic" ones I didn't think anyone would. Nice job!
Thanks for the link back too.
@Launate - oh - it's a great recipe. I'm making it again on the weekend. Thank you for posting it.
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