July 14, 2009
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More baby stories
My bf's brother and his family flew in for their annual visit. Their 2 young boys are absolutely adorable and well mannered. The youngest one is still in diapers. He can walk and is starting to talk as well. I guess that would make him about 2 years old? When he hugs you, he also pats you on the back as well. He's such a charmer. After on of their extended family dinners the other night, I happened to be sitting with a couple of the mothers. They were chatting about their kids and asking each other questions and exchanging stories about their own experiences. I sat there quietly and chuckled at some of the stories. I really enjoyed listening to them but I wished I could have chimed in with my own stories too. I feel a bit like an outsider looking in through the fence at an exclusive club.
I get wistful sometimes when I think about kids. As I was writing this entry, a couple of memories crept in. I was a sickly kid as a young child. When my mom took me to the doctor's office at the hospital, we would usually drop by the maternity ward afterwards. There was a big window and my mom and I would stand there and look at all the babies. It was a fun time and it always made me smile after a visit to the doctor. Many years afterwards, I found out mom had a stillborn. It would have been her first child. She never told me a lot about that and I never asked. I only found out when she gave me my birth certificate for safekeeping. That's when I found out I was the 3rd child not the 2nd. My mom did tell me one day that the nurses took it away very quickly and despite her pleas, they never showed the baby to my mom. She just caught a glimpse of the baby's black hair. I now look back at those visits to the maternity ward and wondered if it brought some comfort to her.
I know I write a lot of baby stories. It might seem strange to some of you. I just want to know what it would be like to come home and have my child welcome me. Ok... get out the tissues.
Comments (17)
I can feel the maternity vibe coming out from Matt! I'm pretty sure there'll be little Matties running around in the future!
What a sad story about your mother! It must have been terribly hard on her and especially to not have had a sense of closure. Miscarriages and stillborns are tremndously tough on mothers.
I hear what you're saying, that desire to have your own family, to raise your own children. Even in places like Canada where you can marry your partner and have children without any legal obstacles, there are still so many other factors that make it difficult to do.
The upside, though, is that when same-sex parents do have children, they grow up knowing they were really wanted and loved. Contrast that to opposite-sex couples who can so easily have an accident.
Try being an uncle! I have stories to share in that exclusive club! =P
As we grow older, somehow I suppose the paternity gene starts kicking in and we desire to rear some young... I suppose that is why lotsa gay couples have pets and treat them as their kids.
I agree with Chris- miscarriages and still born can be extremely harsh on the mothers. I guess, visiting the maternity ward must have given your mom some sort of comfort...
I can't even imagine how hard it would have been for your mom. Mothers are amazing people they have so much strength. Makes me wonder. I'm due in just about a month and its amazing how many emotions one can go through.
About being a parent, just the knowledge that you really want to have kids makes me believe that you will most certainly have a child of your own some day. It WILL happen.
You write with heart. Thank you for sharing.
No pics?
i've actually known mothers who went insane mode after realizing that their child was dead. it's not really a sight to see. it's painfull to know a baby is dead then the mother, a person very close to you, became sick out of it. takes time to heal... long time.
my mom is actually the third child, not the second; apparently she had an older sibling which somehow died very young -- i never really got the whole story, in part because my mom never really got the whole story. i think it was also a stillbirth, but i could be wrong. it must be really tough to have to go through that.
i know i've said this before, but i think you would make a wonderful father. have you thought about adopting?
It must of been so hard for your mum and for you and your family to know that you had a stillborn. I wouldn't know how bad that would feel for that to happen.
I like your posts about children. I've been watching a lot of Desperate Housewives episodes lately and I really like it when they focus on the children. Of course, they mention how frustrating and tiring it is taking care of them, but they still love them a lot, in the end.
How sad about the miscarriage Matt. How sad she must have felt all her life. Been there.
But the thing with you babe, is you can adopt. anymore single men or women also are trying to do that. You should seriously consider that. Love and hugs.
@curry69curry - little Matties running around? yikes!
@christao408 - while my paternal instincts are aching for a child, I do know it's an awesome responsibility. I still have quite a few roadblocks. It must have been really tough for her to get closure and she never really said a lot about it.
@ZenPaper - none of my brother or sister have kids... sigh. I don't think I'll have pets soon. I've had them before and know how tough it is to properly look after them.
@Dezinerdreams - I hope it did too. I never asked her a lot about that - it wasn't a comfortable subject to talk about.
@Soul_U_Shuns - thank you for dropping by. I hope everything goes well with you.
@CareyGLY - nope - part of the agreement I have with my bf. (no pics of him or his family).
@Renatojr3 - I think that's why she always made a detour with me to the materinity ward. Maybe it was also to make her feel a bit better.
@kunhuo42 - yes, I have considered adopting. But there's still a lot of obstacles ahead.
@stepaside_loser - thank you, glad you liked my children entries. I tend to gloss over the stories I hear about kids being sick, cranky, throwing tantrums...
@ZSA_MD - you're always there with loves and hugs... appreciate it.
Haven't you ever considered adopting?
Or would you rather have your own biological children?
you should start a day care
@Wangium - I think I would be very picky trying to find the perfect donor mom. "What? You can't cook? Next!... What do you mean you like heavy metal? Get out now! " Yep, I can just see the long screening process.
@ABSOLUTmichael - there's a daycare at the building where I work. I swear, the workers there seem to have more fun than I do. But of course, I don't see them changing diapers, wiping up puke...
don't cry on me now, matt. i might just cry along with you
yeah, people like us will always feel somewhat left out when there's a gathering with people with families. we want to relate but we can't and probably never will. sigh...
as for baby stories... just think, you could another older sibling. i'm the eldest in the family and from time to time i kinda wished i had an older brother or sister. someone i could look up to, learn things from, and depend on as i grew up. being the eldest means you learn things the hard way - always. not to mention the expections they have on you as the one to set examples to the younger siblings.
ok, you get me all down now. HUG HUG.
awww that's so sad...=(
@rudyhou - aww.. big hugs back. I also wished I had an older brother. I'm sure though having an older brother doesn't gaurantee that your journey would be easier. There's also no school or lessons for older brother. Keep smiling my friend.
@onmovement - I think I need to write cheerier entries.
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