August 18, 2009
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Family bonding
I spent the weekend with one of my cousins. I've heard more stories - mostly from my mother's side of the family. Although we're cousins, he's considerably older than I am. He is also related (although distant) on my dad's side as well. So it's a bit of a unique relationship. He's got a keen memory and is a pretty good story teller. I've heard stories about:
- concubines
- family feuds
- relatives (men of course) who slept around
- different lines of the family trees that I have some vague inkling about
- stories about my grandmother and her knowledge of Chinese herbal medicine which saved a young girl's life.
- relatives who made fortunes
- relatives who lost their fortunes
- relatives who lived sad and difficult live
My brother skipped one of the dinners because one of our relatives (not close) was there. It seems this relative has committed an unpardonable act (which I won't repeat here) and my brother has decided not to have anything to do with him. I never knew about this until this past weekend. Another relative was also staying with my brother. He's 1/4 Chinese so it was interesting for him to see the other members of his extended family. We're blood relatives through his father and his paternal grandmother. The other side of his family is Swiss / German.
Families - so complex, so rich - a source of comfort and pain.
Comments (25)
Fascinating, Matt. I hope you're collecting these stories as they'll be valuable to hand down to nieces and nephews (or children!) in the years to come. I've been working to record those stories from my grandparents and parents so they don't get lost.
Families are crazy. I dont have much to do with aunts and uncles and cousins and stuff. that's good you do!
@christao408 - I should. My cousin actually taped a lot of stories from his mom.
@masecam - like the ol' saying - we can't choose our families. There are some members of my extended family I'm closer to than others.
This sounds like my relatives in Hong Kong, as I have heard certain stories from my gossipy aunts and cousins.
well, it's because you have a close bond with the members that's why you get to hear lots of stories. try checking a chatty family friend for details and i bet it will have a different version. lol!
I can relate. My mom and dad each have 9 brothers and sisters, so there's always family tension and drama that I'm hearing about through my parents.
i've heard of some pretty scandalous things that happened in my family tree. none of the stories i ever heard in full - i had to use my brains and piece things together depending on who said what. i can only imagine what else is out there if someone would just tell me!
wow, it must be interesting to have such a large family. although my grandparents had a lot of relatives, we hardly meet up with them so for the majority of my life it's been pretty much just my immediate family, my grandparents, my mom's brother's family, and my dad's brother. i must say, it sounds like i've missed out on quite a lot of gossip!
One of my favorite things about visiting family is that you get to hear lots and lots of stories!
I recently met a lot of my extended family, and it was fantastic getting to know them and learning more about my larger family as a whole. It gives you such new perspectives on your little section of the family tree. I'd like to finally hear some dirt, though, on my family; it's hard to learn any of that stuff. People seem to really like to keep it all under wraps.
I just looooove those stories! More!
write them down Matt. Every one of them. and when you finally adopt a child or a nephew or a niece, you can hand these down to them. How fascinating every thing has to sound to you, no?
So many fascinating stories
so easily lost
like wind blowing through
autumn leaves
Would it be more or less interesting
if it is not from your family?
Family is the thread that links
all of those stories together.
There is always story telling among our relatives. Very few are alive at this time. I wish I had written down all the stories. It is a shame to loose oral tradition.
You should record those stories for the future generations.
And I totally agree, families are so good to have but also a pain in the ass sometimes. 
Those stories about the men who slept around must have been very interesting.
all the stories are a treasure.......specially when we get old and pass it on for generations...
yeah, ain't that so true... much dramas can be found in a family, especially a large one. coming from one, i know too well the role one plays when meeting the relatives and the dramas one hears about whenever there's a gathering but pretend you didn't. guess this is typical when it comes to us chinese.
@curry69curry - maybe we're related? hmm....
@Renatojr3 - true - there are some painful memories and everyone has different versions. It's an old argument that never fails to die.
@Rm2046 - wow... I can almost relate. Dad had 9 brothers and sisters too. Mom only had 4 brothers and sisters.
@JonasApproved - maybe you should start poking around while some of those folks are still alive and memories are still sharp. Although, it depends on what those stories are I suppose. Maybe some of your relatives would rather forget.
@kunhuo42 - do you have any relatives living near you now?
@TheCheshireGrins - yeah, for a writer, this can be a great source of ideas.
@secade - I guess you'll need to hang around them more and more. Stuff like that is not easy to know. And most people don't share those stories.
@upandoutward - hahaha... ok.
@ZSA_MD - it is fascinating. I have an uncle on my dad's side who's also trying to document these stories too.
@ZenPaper - I like your analogy of the stories to falling leaves. Gonna have to get the rake out.
@Fatcat723 - I've slowly started to document these stories.
@brooklyn2028 - sadly they didn't go into details about the sleeping around part - just names accompanied by a disgusted look. Yeah, I'm slowly starting to write down these stories. The difficult part is with the Chinese names, sometimes I don't know who they mean.
@agmhkg - I hope I have someone to pass it on to.
@rudyhou - I think my role is to be the patient listener (and hopefully a scribe).
I miss our family gatherings...
when my parents were alive and younger
many of the uncles and aunts would find the time
to come. We'd have large cook-outs, many many
cousins scattered around the lawn, of all ages.
I miss that, and I miss what I could learn from
them and their parents. I'm glad you had the time
to enjoy it Matt..
Have a happy Friday,
*~matthew~*
Maybe that is the reason i don't wish to go back home.
Concubines!? Do tell!
@ElusiveWords - nope, as far as i know there isn't anyone on the east coast... most of the extended family's on the west coast.
Big family!
How far do the stories go back to?
@Wangium - This round of stories was from war days and prewar. There were other stories about my mom's old village and how one of her relatives was fairly prominent. I guess that would be my grandmother's grandfather or great grandfather (how many greats would that be?).
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