October 19, 2009
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The Kitchen's Soul
Before I moved out of my parent's place to my own condo, I always tried to eat with them every Sunday. After I moved out, I kept to the same routine. I would always go back home for some home cooked meals and mom would always give me some food to take back home. After awhile, I would do a bit of cooking at her kitchen - nothing fancy, just helping out here and there. It seems so long now. After she got sick I started to help out a bit more. Sometimes I would ask her for certain recipes. Sometimes she would try and teach me the complex ones but it was hard unless you were actually there to watch her cook. She also never measured. It always depended on the ingredients and the quantity. Sometimes you had to add a bit more spice, salt, ginger or garlic... it all depends. She tried as much as possible to teach me without jamming me into my brain. Sometimes I would try to tell her it's ok - we can do it next time.
After she passed away, I started to cook on Sundays more. Sometimes my sister would make dinner and sometimes I would. I was frustrated that basic things like oyster sauce, sesame seed oil, ginger, garlic are sometimes missing. So I had to bring my own. I would always make the soup ahead of time and then heat it up at my dad's place. I would have all the raw ingredients like meats, all sliced up and marinated. The veggies would all be washed and bagged. All I had to do was cook rice and cook the food when I got there. It was a bit of a mini production.
When I stir fry on the wok, the clanging sound of the spatula scraping and hitting the sides of the wok will inevitably bring my dad into the kitchen. It was kinda strange the first few times. He always did the same thing when mom was cooking and they would joke a bit. He'll be going "You aren't done yet? I'm hungry!" Of course she'll ask him "Then how come you weren't helping in the kitchen?". There are no jokes though for me, just him looking over my shoulder and asking what I'm cooking. I tell him and he'll watch a bit before wandering off.
My mom's kitchen is very quiet now. The wok hasn't been used for quite sometime now. I still check the cupboards and see all the spices, sauces and oils. The sticky drawers are still sticky. It's a small kitchen and I sometimes wonder how mom was able to cook so much out of that small kitchen. She knew where everything was. The extra box of corn starch - yes, bottom drawer on the left. More ginger - behind you on the right. Sesame seed oil - upper shelf on the right and more downstairs if needed. While everything is still there - the heart and soul of the kitchen isn't there anymore. I rarely cook there anymore.
When I read your entries on cooking, I can see the joy and the respect you have with food. Good food is meant to be shared with loved ones. When I see my bf making a feast in his kitchen - I know there's a lot of love and care that he puts into his dishes. It's the same when I watch my brother and his wife cooking for their guests. I hope you all will have or continue to have a lively, loud and wonderful smelling kitchen that's full of love. That's what the soul of a kitchen needs.
Comments (54)
Emeril live is always fun to watch. I want to be able to cook but i'm too lazy to get started. I really like meat but i'm always paranoid about touching raw meat.
When I was younger, my mother cooked every single meal. We had little money and little food, but she could do a lot with a little, and she loved cooking meals for herself and her 4 growing boys. Ever since my parents divorce, she's stopped cooking, and it's so strange to visit and see nothing happening in the kitchen- just heating up frozen food. She hasn't cooked me a meal in years, and it kind of breaks my heart.
this post made me cry.
I dont know much about cooking but i consider cooking to be art. Since i am an artist i can somehow relate to wat u speak of. Sorry bout ur mom. And in my opinion its not good food that should be shared with loved ones i think " food tastes better when u eat it with someone u deeply care about. Peace out.
Sundays were always a big deal at my house. My Dad cooked while we went to Sunday School and then to Church. We always had huge Hungarian feasts I'll never forget. These days, I sometimes take my wok over to my Mom's and make Chinese for her whenever I can. I know the feeling you get when you're in the kitchen. Sorry your Mom isn't around to be with you still.
@osmundaregalis - Me too (osmundaregalis).
I didn't realize your mom passed away, I'm sorry. The brief conversations I had with you about the Mochi duck and Sticky rice stuffing, I just assumed that your mother was still around and that you were just away from home. You know what, I'm going to show you how to make that sticky rice at the very least, and if not, the whole Mochi Duck wth Sticky Rice dish you guys used to have at Thanksgiving.
This post really hit me in a weird place. My mother is still around, but I think sometimes about what if she wasn't -- she told me herself that she regrets not learning her own mother's recipes while she was still around; and only recently have I been able to start replicating her mother's recipes based on things my mother would hint to me. My mother thinks I got my skill from her mother. They were old money in China, and had dozens of chefs in the household; and my grandmother learned enough from all of them to become a cooking teacher after WW2 in Hainan.
I never recommend blog posts, but I think this one is worth it. This will be the first post I have ever recommended.
@secade - This breaks my heart as well. You know, after my own divorce, I gave up cooking too. I just couldn't do it anymore. I link Cooking/ Food with Love so much, that once my marriage fell apart, I just couldn't do it either. I really hope your mother can get it back. It breaks my heart knowing that people who once loved cooking can't do it anymore... because I understand why they can't =/
Jesus. I don't even like thinking about my mom not being around anymore, I can't imagine how I'll cope when she is gone. This post just make me really sad, because I can see the same happening to her kitchen.
I'm sorry your mom isn't physically around anymore, but I think to think that she, like all moms, are still in the kitchen helping you find the rogue garlic that's hiding in the cupboard.
Oh honey, I cried when I read this.
Mattie, I love you that you care and love your home so much and respect your dad the way you do. You will always have her around you, and your dad knows what a great son you are.
I wish I could recommend this post twenty times.
For some time now I've been asking my grandmother to teach me how to make her recipes. She keeps saying that she will, but we still haven't gotten around to it. This post makes me realize that I don't have unlimited amounts of time to spend on other things. I should be working harder on making memories with her, so that I will be able to use her old family German recipes with my family someday. Now I plan on setting up a time to bake with her as soon as I can. Thank you for reminding me of this with your own story.
Matt, I know that when you are cooking for your father, the main ingredient is love. That much comes through loud and clear in all your posts on the subject. If you have that ingredient, all the recipes come together nicely.
@chow@ireallylikefood - Matt does this with many of his cooking related posts. I'm convinced he's plotting to make me short circuit my computer with tears.
@chow@ireallylikefood - Food was always a big deal- she'd make one dish each meal, and we'd have to split it between six people. I'd have to watch her skip meals so her kids could eat, and just the whole process of watching her cook for the peopple she loved was magical to little-kid-me. All she ever does now is gossip about church and avoid me, and our interactions are weird. I always think about our cooking together and baking together butt it's an age that has passed, I guess.
This post makes me want to cherish what time I have left with my parents. Food is really love as I reminisce the memories that it evokes. I am sorry that your mother has passed away.
Matt, you really hit home on this post. This brought up memories of my partner who likes to cook dinner for me every night. Whenever I heard the clanging sound of kitchen utensils, I'll be very curious on what's being cooked up, and walk into the kitchen and teased like your dad did. After my partner passed away, the kitchen is quiet. I do feel for you dad, and it's good that you guys spent at least once a week cooking at his place, and keep him company. Nevertheless, I believe you are a pretty good cook, especially your Chinese soups!
@christao408 - Chris, I'm sure you do have that main ingredient in all of your cookings too! Tawn is such a lucky guy!
@secade - This reminds me of my own childhood, growing up in the projects. I think about it now, and almost can't believe that my parents would spend so much of what we had, just so that we could eat. I think this may have been the time when I first understood that Food = Love; they didn't make much at all, working long hours in low paying jobs, but they always made sure we had food on the table, because that's the way they showed us love. I almost think sometimes, that it was growing up with nothing that made me appreciate food love so much.
@chow@ireallylikefood - I can understand. I am really, really into food, and it's almost always the most important part of my travels. But at the same time, I'm incredibly un-picky- I just have foods that I like, and a small minority of foods that I don't like (wtf MONKfish??). It often weirds people out that I'm always willing to try almost any food, and that I never leave food on my plate. I think that if you've ever gone hungry- actually can't-buy-any-more-food hungry, that your eating habits are irreconcilably changed, but for the better.
Great post, Matt. My mom does not cook much as we had maids. However, every time I visit home, my mom would personally cooked me a special soup. The physical ingredeint is nothing hancy - red and green carrot, potato, and spare rib. However, the love, and the care she pour into it were supreme. After reading yuor blog, From now on, I would treasure the soup she cook me because I know someday she may not be around to cook anymore. I know I will miss her. We take too much for granted until it is no longer available. misty eyes here!
came by at MChow's recommendation. this is such a great post! i've never learned to cook from my mother growing up because i had such a bad relationship with her then, and that was one of my way of pretending like i didn't care to learn anything from her. we're doing much better now, but i can't tell you how much i regret that. you're sooooo right. the older i get, the more i realize food is such a wonderful, natural avenue of sharing love with people. so i'm now learning to cook.
(((hugs))) thank you so much for sharing.
You reminded me of our weekly Sunday trip to my grandma home for the main meal of the day. It was right after we went to church and the meal was always a surprise. Seven uncles and their families were there also. Yes, we had a lot of stews but also stuffed cabbage and home made bread and rolls. My mom learned to cook the same way. If I brought anyone home for Sunday supper there was more than enough food. I did not learn to cook all that was part of our traditional foods but my sister has the hidden cookbook. They are the recipes with all the true ingredients and correct amounts. Seems the family refused to share the real recipes.
Yes indeed.
You can be the soul!
I miss my mommy's cooking.
moving.
This could be the beginning of a screenplay! Well done.
I especially like "The sticky drawers are still sticky..."Nice imagery.
You described this in a really lovely way.
I've always despised the stickiness surrounding the gas stove that my parents use, but I'm sure I'll miss it if this post is anything to go by.
I still admire how caring you are towards your dad.
This is a very beautiful and moving post. My mom has a job, but also cooks. When she finishes cooking, she starts doing the dishes, because everyone else has already finished eating.
Then she eats leftovers by herself ~2 hours later. And she spares any special treats for everyone else, telling us that she is already full... The next time I go home, I’ll try to make a meal for her...
@REDandBLACKphenomina - oh no need to be paranoid. I've touched raw meats (chicken, beef, pork, turkey, fish, shrimp...). You just have to keep everything clean, wash your hands and utensils and don't cross contaminate (e.g. touch raw chicken, you reach to the cupboards and fumble around for a dish).
@secade - I think your mom was fantastic in creating meals for all of you and sacrificing her own so others have enough. Maybe you can gradually reintroduce her to cooking again - start by asking her for recipes. It was painful to read that your mom stopped cooking after the divorce. Obviously the pain is still there. I hope she pulls out of it. Thanks for sharing a bit of your life with us. *hugs*
@osmundaregalis - aww... don't cry. Thanks for the recommendation.
@yorutenshi - food does taste better when you share it with someone you love. But I've also cooked some bad dishes before. Sometimes no amount of love will overcome that.
Thanks for your comment.
@dikdoktor - I don't think I've tried Hungarian food before. Keep that wok active my friend. I'm sure your mom appreciates your cooking. Thanks for your kind words and the recommendation.
@chow@ireallylikefood - thank you, I'm humbled... really. You get tons of subscribers and comments. I'm flattered to be the first post you recommend. No rush on the sticky rice recipe. Gosh - I appreciate it though.
You know what's so odd, the more I start to think about it, there are little bits coming back. I think my mom might have even fried the rice briefly first before cooking it. I know she always likes to experiment around.
I read your other comment to secade. I appreciate you sharing some of your family history and also some of your own as well. I had no idea why you had disappeared. You have an interesting family history and background. I think your mom was right, you have your grandmother's talent for cooking. I also share your appreciation for our parent's sacrifice to put food on the table and a roof over our heads.
Btw - you know what triggered this entry? It was a combination of reading about your wok burner, reading Chris's story about bagels, Brent's fablicsious Thanksgiving meal and I guess the sticky rice chats. The entry pretty well wrote itself.
@live_for_love - sometimes when I'm cooking, I can sort of feel the bonds I still have with her. How did you know about those missing garlic? They are probably all dried up by now.
@ZSA_MD - aw - don't cry and thank for your words of comfort and the recommendation. I know you're the soul of your family's kitchen. It's just so weird though when I walk into that kitchen now, it's not the same.
@awkward_and_original_me - you're welcome and I hope you will write about your baking and cooking experiences. Don't lose those old recipes. Thanks for the recommendation.
@christao408 - thanks Chris, sometimes food cooked with a lot of love can still be a bit bland, overspiced or tough.
But seriously, I think one has to be in a good mood to cook. I made beef stew on the weekend and I was so worried the beef would be too tough. I was so relieved the cut of beef was tender. By the way, your bagel entry, some of my comments with Chow, Brent's recent food entry sparked this entry. Remember what you said about writing "raw"? I just started to type and this just came out.
I guess I can continue to mine this style of writing although a cynic out there will probably think I like these tear jerker type of entries. Sigh... time to write something sordid.
@shunny - food is a powerful trigger of memories. Thanks for dropping by and for the recommendation.
@CurryPuffy - oh Gary, those memories are so special. *hugs* Some of the soups are easy to make while others can take a bit of time.
@stevew918 - hugs Steve... you'll be home soon for a visit with your mom. I think that's just super! The ingredients may be ordinary but the love she put in was special.
Thanks for the recommendation too.
@caki730 - I'm glad you're learning how to cook now and Mchow's site is filled with many wonderful recipes and tips. I'm glad your relationship with your mom is a lot better now. Thanks for visiting.
@h1t5uj1 - those smelly wet markets were something else weren't they. I didn't really go to them a lot. My mom didn't have time to look after me and shop for food. I think she was scared that we would wander off somewhere. I'm glad you liked the entry and thanks for the comment. hugs back... and thanks also for the rec.
@Fatcat723 - Rob - wow, those are not meals, they are feasts! I guess even if you have the recipes, you'll have to reduce it so it's not for 20. I remember when I first cooked for myself, I used the same ingredients as my mom and ate the same thing for several days. I smartened up after that.
@yang1815 - not yet... I'm trying though.
@JL789 - aww... any particular dish? You can try to make it and ask around for help. There are some pretty good cooks in Xanga.
@attgig - thank you (cute profile pic!)
@CareyGLY - thanks Carey... I have no idea how to write a screenplay. If you can sell this entry, I'll give you a commission. You can be my agent!
@stepaside_loser - thanks Andrew, I don't think it's the gas - it's the oil splatters. My mom always cleaned the stove each night. Me - well... let's just say my stove is not sparkling. I appreciate your comments - glad you liked the entry.
@Senlin - she's a special mom! Yeah, next time you visit her, surprise her with your cooking skills. That would be fantastic! Thanks for the compliment and for the rec.
Yeah i guess but it still makes the food taste a little better!
@christao408 - I love what you wrote!
Mattie, you know I feel the same way. Cooking is loving! I wish I had more time to cook and post pictures on Xanga to share with you all but in time in time! School is almost done.
Matt, look at how much this post got everyone else going back and forth. I understand where you are coming from. More privately if / when I have time.
@brooklyn2028 - Sheldon, I know your love for food, cooking and sharing it with others. Good luck with your school work and I'm glad it's almost over.
@Toro69 - I'm absolutely delighted at all the stories that are being shared in the comments. Thanks for dropping by again Fred.
@ElusiveWords - It's interesting how our little microcosm here has a resounding effect -- one person writes something that inspires another person, who writes something that inspires more people; and soon there's sort of a "wave" effect passing back and forth. I know for one, even though something I posted influenced you here; what you wrote here is influencing many others, including myself to post about similar experiences. I'm saving mine for another post.
And yes, I completely went to pieces. I was a wreck. I lost interest in cooking, completely. I just couldn't do it anymore. To be honest, I've only found it again recently, so I'm very rusty. I seem to be getting it back though, little by little.
Anyway, you are correct about your mother frying the rice before cooking it. It's one of the little secret techniques to making good sticky rice. The reason you do this is so that you get a coat of fragrant oil on the rice grain, kind of searing it first before adding in the cooking liquid. This gives the sticky rice a "tooth" to the bite, while still being sticky and glutinous. Otherwise, the sticky rice just becomes one big pile of mush -- which, unfortunately is too often the case.
Reading this post, and then comments, it's making me revisit things I've locked away. It might be time to take things out of the closet and bury them.
@ElusiveWords - I've been trying, and that's the exact route I'm trying to take- her mother had a lot of country recipes that I'd like to see from my childhood, but she doesn't respond to me much anymore. Family stuff is difficult, and I don't think I ever quite got the knack for it.
@secade - just keep trying. I hope you will find a way to get her to reconnect with her love for cooking. We'll be cheering you on.
@brooklyn2028 - I hope we can see your food posts too, Sheldon. I still remember your sweet pastries!
there's nothing like home cooked meal and with people to share them with. it goes beyond taste. it's the experience of sharing that makes it worth the while and became a fond memory.
Nice memories. My parents always fight when both of them are in the kitchen.
the soul of my kitchen have long gone......what a pity....miss my parents.....they both could cook very nice meal too.....
My mom always cooks. It's very weird for not to be cooking something when I am at home. Come to think of it, I don't think that I have ever been home since I moved out when my mom isn't cooking something. I loved that every night when I was growing up, my family ate dinner around the table. Most of the time, we were eating my mom's home cooking. There's not a lot of families that still do that.
I'm a big believer in that it isn't enough to simply know a recipe and cook it. I think you have to put some love into whatever you're cooking. Things always turn out better that way!
Beautifully told.
I love to walk into a home and get a hint of what's cooking and then enter the kitchen to see the cook busy working,stem swirling around and the air heavy with the aroma. "Loud and wonderful smelling kitchen" ....You are right,the soul of a kitchen and a home.
@rudyhou - yeah, I agree - it goes beyond the taste of food (sometimes my food doesn't taste that great). It's the sharing and the hospitality (if you have guests) that makes it so special.
@mmmagination - maybe you need to step in and be the referee.
@agmhkg - *hugs* I didn't realize both of them were very good cooks. Perhaps you can start a new tradition in your kitchen.
@TheCheshireGrins - gosh, that's great of your mom. I think it's kinda sad that families don't get a chance to eat together anymore.
@seedsower - thank you. I also love going into someone's kitchen and peeking into a simmering pot to see what's cooking.
@chow@ireallylikefood - I'm looking forward to your entry on this. I just love all those stories everyone have been sharing.
Matt, I feel a little silly now after reading all the comments but I too wept
from the very first paragraph as it touched the soft parts of my own
memories of my mother.
Your writings are often so beautiful and I can't thank you enough
for stirring the emotions out of me.
be well my xangan friend
*~matthew~*
@bleuzeus - you're welcome, I'm glad it stirred up some memories of your mom. *hugs*
Such a touching post.
PS: I read your last post and had a good laugh!
Interesting!
after my dad passed away my mom actually started cooking less. more take-out. cooking for one less person just wasn't as worth it anymore, especially since my mom would make things that only she and my dad liked to eat.
WOW....that is such a beautiful and sad post...I know missing a parent is hard to deal with especially when you were so very close...the kitchen has never been a place where I'm comfortable in except to clean and sit having coffee with loved ones...in my family growing up, everyone always sat at the kitchen table for coffee and bannock or snacks...cooking isn't something I've ever have or ever will enjoy but reading your post it makes me wish I did...great post Matt, thank you for sharing it...'Til The Next
:'( touching story, love mom.
I have never equated food with love, mostly because my mother hated to cook and the aunt that helped raise me saw it more as a need than anything else. She cooked for all of us and the cowboys because it had to be done. It has only been in the last ten years, I have actually come to enjoy it and understand the soul of my home is in my kitchen. I have many of their recipes and sometimes I pull them out just to see their handwriting. They have been gone a long time now. I wonder which of my children and grandchildren will fight over 'mom's recipe box sometimes.
Wonderful post.
Food is love. I miss my mother.
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