November 28, 2009
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Whirlwind of Emotions
The past 2 days are a blur of emotions. I think I've had everything from intense rage, anger, happiness, excitement, regret, anxiety, "don't give a f*ck", cynical and calmness. It's odd... and unsettling. The anger and rage was when some idiot passed me on the shoulder on my left. The left lane had ended and rather than merging behind me, the driver passed me and another car before cutting in. We weren't going fast and thankfully I had my eyes peeled. As I drove along, he then crumpled a pop can and threw it on to the road. He eventually raced ahead and cut in and out of the heavy traffic. Shortly after that, a Lexus IS250 decided that he wanted to get a very close view of my car. I couldn't even see his headlights in my rearview mirror. I'm sure if I farted, he could have smelled it. Eventually he got tired of sniffing my butt and pulled over to pass me. I just had this fleeting thought of cutting him off so I can watch his car hit the concrete barrier. But some guardian angel told me to ease off.
After awhile, all the traffic around me dispersed and I was alone on the highway. I managed to slowly cool off. My guardian angel went off somewhere to find some other soul to save. The rest of the emotions just swirled around me for most of yesterday evening and today. I'm not on meds nor am I drinking. Who knows...
Last night, I couldn't get on Xanga. I have no idea why. After awhile, I couldn't care less. I told myself, if Xanga went under- so be it, who gives a f*ck anymore. I can start over somewhere. Of course, I didn't really mean it. Imagine suddenly losing the only connection I have to all of you. I'm actually not sure how I would react if Xanga suddenly went offline permanently. Hmm....
My mom's birthday is coming up. Even though she's passed away, we still celebrate it.
Comments (21)
Gee, it seems like the drivers in L.A. are very similar to yours! May I know when your mom passed away?
@CurryPuffy - 4 years ago.
This is true, if Xanga went offline suddenly and permanently I don't know what I'd do. None of my entries are backed up locally either. I should do that. Plus, I'd lose touch with all of you guys, and that would be terrible.
Xanga was down for everyone last night, for a long time.
And you know, I've been feeling this EXACT same way lately. I know what you mean...
Whao! If Xanga went offline I don't know how I would react either!
HUG HUG
take care my friend! ^^
I am a walking dead... a zombie...
I blame the pH1N1 vaccine I took...
things feel BLAH
I'm sorry you're having such a shit time, Matt. I hope you'll find some way to work out what's causing your anger - it can't just be the person that cut you off.
I don't like the idea of Xanga cutting off completely, but if it did, I'm sure we'll all manage. We can't keep reminiscing of the past, can we?
Wow, you're in a foul temper... Don't know what it is, but that seems to be going around. Yes, Xanga was offline for several hours and I finally gave up trying to log in and - would you believe this? - read a book.
Celebrating your mom's birthday will be a meaningful way to remember all the things she did to touch your lives. I hope those memories bring you a lot of comfort.
I do "celebrate" my mom's birthday. It is easy to remember as it is my sister's birthday. My parents have been deceased for several years but it is good to remember them. The driving sounds like me the last couple of days. I find that just voicing my opinions about the drive and the car and traffic helps. Sometime I yell in my car if I am alone and then settle down. The problem here (well as I see it) is the snowbirds who have attacked the city and the beaches and the restaurants. Oh, I know we need their money to help the economy here. Ii saw a sticker on a car yes "Leave us your money and go home" lololol Slow down put on some soothing music and relax. You will be fine.
wow, bad drivers! i guess it's become an epidemic. i'd be really sad if xanga went down permanently; i know i don't blog that often but it's nice to log on and read everyone else's posts!
Yeah couldn't get on Xanga for awhile either...
Celebrate your mom's birthday
Xanga went down.
Thanksgiving is such a strange mix of emotions.
Yeah, xanga had the mumps here too... almost for eight hours, I gave up and chatted with friends on-line instead.
Those damn drivers!! Some one did that to me when I was returning from Chicago and I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I lit on the horn and gave him the finger. Fortunately he kept going, cutting in and out of traffic and making other motorists honk. If he had slowed down or caught up with me, he would have damaged my car probably for my gesture towards him.
I am glad you honor your mother's memory every year Chris. I do that with that of my father. He was a kind soul. I don't have too many fond memories of my mother, so I don't actually remember her birthday. It kinda slips me by.
Be happy love.
Is it just the road rage that was bothering you? Hopefully everything else is okay. This is a very high energy, high stress time of the year for everyone -- perhaps you are picking up on those cues and it's affecting you. The way you reacted (or didn't react) was right -- be the calm in the storm.
I'm sure your mom is celebrating with you in spirit.
You had your shares of holiday crazies, too?
@arenadi - well, let's hope we can snap out of this emotional whirlwind.
@Dezinerdreams - it certainly would be a huge change for a lot of us.
@christao408 - foul mood is right. I'm tired of being nice.
@Fatcat723 - I like the sticker. hahahaha
@kunhuo42 - I hope you'll find time to write more often. Take care Aaron.
@yang1815 - thanks Andy.
@ZSA_MD - someone should have given Xanga some immunization shots.
@dynamiqvision - I think it's a combination of a bunch of things and the road rage added to it.
@Wangium - yeah, and a bit more.
@ZenPaper - thanks for the hug, I needed that.
I'm glad your angel was there for you at a time when you needed her. I'm glad that you were able to cool off. Not need to get into an accident or something over strangers.
yeah, traffic can do just that to people. this is why i hate driving. by the way, good to know you still celebrate your mum's bday. it reminds me of a culture, i think it's either in south america or europe, that has a celebration/party at someone's funeral. it signifies the intention to celebrate that person's life rather than mourning over what was lost. i think we should do this in every country.
Matt, I tend to think of you often when I'm remembering family.
My sisters birthday is this weekend, she's been gone just over a year.
I plan to buy fresh cut flowers to spread around my home in her memory.
I do the same thing for my Moms birthday as well. It's a way for me to
connect with them as they both appreicated the colors and smells.
I hope you have a wonderful weekend.... full of smiles and fond memories.
*~matthew~*
@mmmagination - another driver always ran into me while I was driving my dad and sister home. The guy just kept changing lanes without checking to see his blind spot. I managed to hold my temper again.
@rudyhou - when I pass on, I want people to remember the good times. Just have a good wake - enjoy a good meal and some wine / beer.
@bleuzeus - you're doing a great job honoring their memories. I know they will be smiling back at you. I am touched that I somehow have played a role in all of this. Thank you. *the other Matthew*
That's good. I would slow down and let thecar race ahead of me. Then I hope that driver gets a ticket.
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