January 6, 2010
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An Older Brother
I've always wanted an older brother when I was growing up. I needed someone to guide me, help me out of my shell, help me accept myself for who I am and push me to be more outgoing. I had an older sister but it wasn't the same. I'm the middle child. Looking back, I'm sure my younger brother had expected a lot more from me as an older brother. I'm not sure I ever met his expectations. It's not exactly something we talk about although we get along fine now.
It would have been great to have an older brother who could teach me simple things from throwing a football, skating, swimming - even riding a bike. Maybe it could have been other things such as showing me how to find a summer job, teaching me how to drive or helping me buy my first jock strap. It would have been great to have someone older to talk to. I'm sure he would have helped make my high school and university years more enjoyable. He probably would have figured out that I was gay and made sure I wasn't ashamed of it.
Maybe the lack of an older brother helped me learn things the hard way. Maybe it shaped the way I view relationships and friendships today. A subscriber once told me I was like his older brother here on Xanga. I was very surprised and flattered. I wasn't anything like that "in real life". Sometimes I read entries about folks who have older brothers but they are pretty well absent during their formative years... that's sad. But that's also balanced out by folks like Alex who takes his responsibilities seriously. I think his younger brother will grow up just fine.
But life isn't fair and never will be. I don't dwell on this now. But I do find myself sometimes trying to be a big brother to my younger brother. It doesn't work now of course. I just try to be there when he needs me which isn't often. Over the holidays his wife wanted a picture of the two of us together. She yelled out - give him a hug! We both chuckled and just sort of stood there, I jokingly replied "we don't do hugs." But I put my arm around his shoulder anyways. Maybe by next Christmas we'll do the huggy thing but I doubt it.
Comments (49)
At least you're trying harder now, and I'm sure your little brother sees that. I don't give my brother hugs either haha. Whenever he tries to, I just playfully beat him up. That's how we "hug" =P
@Roadlesstaken - I think you should make Alex your older brother Matt. His little brother worships him!
i've always wanted an older brother too.
my best friend has one, but i never got to know him well.
@CareyGLY - Well, I wouldn't quite say worship haha.
you are trying and that is good. with my little bro i try to help him introduce him to stuff, but in reality i try to make my brother know he can talk to me. or if he has any problems he can come to me. i dont really try to teach him to do manly stuff because honestly he isnt interested. i think just being there as a social figure is just good enough and to me it shows you are trying. you can do it.
@Roadlesstaken - hahaha... I like the way you guys "hug". It's so appropriate that you're the first to comment. Thanks for the rec.
@CareyGLY - Oh Carey... I think I'm way past that stage now.
@Raypants - well, I think I turned out ok. (or so they say) Thanks for dropping by.
@sonychak - I think you're doing the right thing - just being there for him and letting him know he can always talk to you. Thanks for the comment.
Well, I have an older brother and I swear to god that until a few years ago- I hated him to the core! As children (ermm... till I moved out actually) we used to have such huge fights (think chairs and heavy objects thrown at each other). We have completely different personalities and he used to be so annoying! Even though he was older to me by 3 years, I found him rather childish and immature. I never spoke to him unless absolutely necessary and most of our mutual conversations were directed through a third person.
Ever since I moved out... things have changed. I can now say that I actually do love him (though in all probability I am never ever going to say that to him directly). Anyway, I think I should write a post on this topic sometime... there is a lot to talk/write!
I don't have an older brother either. I thought about it, and I'm not sure if I would have wanted one either.
I have a younger sister. I've tried to be a good older brother to her, but I don't know how I did.
The reason I'm not sure I would have wanted an older brother is a strange one. You see, I had no one to teach me anything. I was the most ineffective young male anyone would have known. This is probably going to end up as a full blog post for me, but I'll say a few things here too. I couldn't play any sports. I didn't even know how to throw a ball, or even catch one. When someone threw a punch at me, I just stood there, got hit, and fell down. I couldn't even defend myself because I had no one to scuffle with.
Everything I learned, I had to learn myself. And because of that, I feel like I'm a stronger person. You know this already, but I used to get bullied by a group of boys. I'd get beaten bloody several times a week, because I was different, I talked funny, and I was fun to beat up because I didn't know how to fight. Over time, I taught myself how to fight, against multiple opponents. One day, I knocked out the lead kid. They never bothered me again after that. And now, it's natural for me to fight against 3+ people at once. Because I learned the hard way.
Sure it would have been nice to have had an older brother to come out and stomp them for me. But you know what? I would have never learned how to fight. I would have never built up a resistance to damage. I'd be scared walking around at night. Now? You could stab me and I'll take the knife out of my body and kill you with it.
I do wish though, that I had a younger brother, so I could have taught him the things I learned, and helped him become a better version of who I am. I guess I'll just have to have a son for that.
I've always wanted an older brother too. The ones you read about in the books. The ones that look after you and beat up boys who hit on you. Lol. I've always had older guy friends that I called 'brother' and they look out for me as if I'm their lil sis. I guess it's pretty much the same.
I'm the oldest so I don't even know what its like to have an older Sibling!
I am the oldest and have a sister 14 years my junior. I would have loved to have an older brother. No sure about a younger one.
Well its never too late to try
I have an oldder brother and I love him very much. We are closer than most siblings. My brother has always been there for me and taught me a lot of what i know. Actually its because of him I was sort of a tomboy growing up now as he likes to put it im a girly tomboy haha meaning im a bit girly but I like a lot of guy stuff. At 17 I still love playing video games where I shoot people and shows like Dragon ball z (my bro forced me to watch it one day swearing I would love it, i did lol) As long as your always there for your lil bro you'll always be his big brother no matter what.
I have two older brothers, and let just say: having two older brothers that do nothing but hurt you is much worse than having no older brothers.
I always wanted an older sister. I've always looked to older females for support because it's so rare that I can depend on a male for that.
that's cool. having an older brother is subjective though. it's all base on our perception of who we hope to look up to. i have two brothers. i am pretty much independent and our beliefs and values are completely different. one is a converted christian who not only embrace, but practice values to everyone around, and the other one doesn't associate with the family. i wont get into the details, but the relationship between the brothers are very, very different.
haha "the huggy thing"! XD
*hug*
@Dezinerdreams - I'm glad the relationship with your older brother has changed for the better. I wonder what sparked that change? I'll wait for your entry...
@arenadi - I just finished reading your entry. I've never learned how to fight. I sometimes walk at night and rely on my sight and hearing to keep me out of trouble. But if anyone was to come up and mug me, I'm not sure what I would do.
@JL789 - I'm glad you had older guy friends that looked after you - that doesn't happen a lot.
@yorutenshi - ahh... the eldest of the gang. I hope they all looked up to you.
@Fatcat723 - my younger brother is only a year younger. I think we drove each other nuts when we were growing up.
@SacredWriter - a girly tomboy?
I'm glad that you had an older protective brother.
@secade - I agree with you and remember what you had written before. I just wished things were different for you. I just hope they will eventually mature. I think they can learn a lot from you.
@falconfraudless - you're right - I was writing about the ideal older brother who was mature, intelligent and caring. My dad comes from a large family and each of the brothers are so different.
@tomatoboi - thanks for the hug Franco.
@ElusiveWords - They do but that's the bad thing -.-
I am the same as you...always wanted an older brother.
I have an older brother, but it seems he needs me to help him out, lol. He even had to borrow my car so he could visit his girlfriend. So, older brother might not be the total answer in some cases.
@dolphin27 - I recommend you also check our Arenadi's entry. I hope things are going well with you Patrick.
@stevew918 - hmm... role reversal! Yeah, I was talking about the ideal older brother.
@ElusiveWords - yea lol idk thats what he likes to call it since I get im a mix of both hehe. Thank you!
Haha, I was an older brother and not sure my brother appreciated my brand of love when he was a kid.
I never wish I had an older brother cause I feel that learning things on my own made me independent and the person I am today. 
@brooklyn2028 - hmm... I wonder what your "brand of love" is?
Its funny that you blogged about this. I have an older brother who is handicapped & he's my only older brother. I always felt, well ungrateful. I had a big brother but I wanted a "real" big brother. Thats what I used to say when I was younger. Now of course I dont feel like that, I had a dad for guidance, I didnt need my older brother to do anything extra. But it almost seems like, from your description, that due to your own selfishness, you missed out on something more important, being a big brother yourself. I wonder if your younger brother feels this same "want" for a big brother....
I have an older brother and he's the one who beats me up. Once I learned how to fight back, we'd get into fist fight with each other. One good thing is I wasn't bullied at school because I can stand up for myself. In essence he taught me to be a tomboy (climbing trees, etc). Personality-wise we are so different and we mainly live our own lives but he knows I'm there for him if he needs me.
i've never had an older brother either, and my sister is 5 years older than me so while i am close to her now, growing up it was an entirely different story since she was heading off to college before i even got to high school. and, i'm the youngest in the family so i've never had anyone younger to take care of either. i guess i sort of missed out on having a sib while growing up... an older bro would have been kind of awesome i think.
I always wanted an older brother as well. I think a lot of that comes from 1. being the oldest and 2. being raised with all girls. I sometimes got tired of protecting and being the example for my 2 younger sisters. I just wanted someone to protect me for a change!
You are trying Matt! sometimes the older sibling thingy is overrated I think. So be happy with your younger brother, and celebrate life.
@Ladii_Niqu3 - I'm not sure how he feels, it's one of those things that I guess we'll eventually chat about. Thanks for dropping by.
@nutz4walnuts - I can't even climb trees. I think your brother will be glad to know that you'll always be there for him.
@kunhuo42 - there's only 3 years that separated the oldest from the youngest in my family. I guess the age difference made you be a bit more independent at an earlier stage in your life.
@TheCheshireGrins - there's always a burden and responsibility being the oldest. I think sometimes that role carries well into adulthood subconsciously.
@ZSA_MD - celebrate life - ah yes, sometimes we forget to do the obvious.
i wish i had a brother, period! an older one to teach me how to be more of a man and deal with the world, a younger one to feel like i have something to contribute and pass on what i have learned. being the eldest in the family pretty much had all of the burden on my shoulder. having younger sisters has its blessings but with all the women in the family, i always loose track of what it really means to be a man.
@rudyhou - the oldest, especially the oldest son (in an Asian family) has most of the burden and responsibility. *hugs* But we all have to play the cards we were dealt with. I don't think you'll lose track of what it means to be a man. You seem to be doing fine there.
I think you turned out great without an older brother, so it was he who missed out on you, not the other way around.
Like other commenters have said, it also depends on what kind of older brother you might have had. He could have totally vibed with you, or he could have made your life a living hell.
Perhaps this is more a reflection of your own perceived shortcomings and tragedies as opposed to a specific missing person? If that's the case, I reiterate that you've triumphed over them anyway.
I do feel similarly as you, though. I wish I had more of a salient male role model growing up, and there's a part of me that feels empty because he wasn't there. That's why I want so much to have kids, I suppose... but it's also why I try to treat people the way I wish I had been treated. Sometimes we make up for what we are missing by finding it for ourselves and giving it to others.
I'm the middle child as well. Older sister. Younger brother. I still want an older brother though, one who is protective and fights off creepy boys. haha
It is easy to wonder what it would be like to have a different set of siblings. I was the older brother to a sister and always wondered what it would be like to have a brother, younger or older. Guess we do the best we can with what we are given.
For what it's worth, I think you turned out pretty well even without an older brother, Matt.
@dynamiqvision - thanks Sion, I liked what you wrote - you captured what I was trying to say in a very concise manner. It must be your experience in writing for The Awesomer.
@Agent_Spanky - there are a lot of creepy guys out there. A baseball bat is a poor substitute but hopefully effective in keeping them away.
@christao408 - thanks Chris, appreciate that. If you have time, check out Mike's entry as well.
I have an older brother, and for me, it's not like always learning from him or what, but more like having someone to go through troubles with you as you grow up. I have a younger brother too, and the three of us had plenty of memories together as we grew into our different selves today.
Both my brother and I are not at home a lot now that we're both in college--different ones, mind you--but when we meet back home during semester breaks, we can still talk like crazy. Nowadays he's trying to learn how to play the guitar from me, and as always, he throws science theories at me at the most random moments, and I usually only catch half of what he says.
As to our younger brother, he's going through the motions of choosing his path after high school now, but we are worried that his level of maturity will get him into a lot of trouble outside.
The point is, it's cool to have siblings when they are also your everlasting best friends; otherwise, well, I think the parents have to suffer a lot. So, don't think too much about it; the goodness of having an older brother can be overrated sometimes.
@ElusiveWords - I know lacrosse sticks work. haha
@kingofblur - wow, it sounds like you and your older brother have a great relationship! That's just wonderful when brothers can also be friends. I hope your younger brother finds the right path. Sometimes people have to wander off before they can find themselves.
thanks for stopping by. i've always wished i'd have had a male to look up too as a kid too - dad or brother, either would have worked - oh well, i survived. peace, Al
I agree with what Chris have mentioned. Seems to me that you are a 'level-headed' big brother and have set a good example for the little ones in your family to follow.
I have an Older Brother, he taught Martials Arts and when I was little we use to have foot races. He was always faster than me! But now that I'm older,....Man I leave'em in the dust! Lol.....
@pukemeister - thank you for dropping by too, appreciate the comment.
@CurryPuffy - the little ones? lol... my brother is married now.
@rickystar1 - hahaha... revenge of the little brother!
the type of love that is bonded within a family is different from any love that is out there.
I have always wanted an older brother when I was growing up.
I've often fantasized about things older brother can do for me when I was growing up. It was sort of a shelter and escape from the harsh real life...
Then I realized through talking with others that older brothers really don't function that way. Most of the time they torture the younger ones with false information or set it up so the younger ones would get into trouble. I am just glad I have an older sister who buys me cloth every now and then now.
How many siblings do you have?
yeah you are my elder brother... *hugs* i am the eldest son in the family though i have a sister... i am not a good elder brother for my two younger brothers >< shame on me T.T
@jerkitoff - true... family love is different, usually accompanied by family anger.
@Wangium - she buys clothes for you? What a great sister! I have 2 sibilings.
@lcfu - I never got that impression - maybe you're too tough on yourself.
hey bro matt... i am a bad son also >< i just called back home last saturday after coming to frankfurt for like nearly 4mths T.T
@lcfu - oh Fufu... how often did you call home when you were in Japan? Maybe you can set up a routine of calling home once a week or once every 2 weeks. In the meantime, can you send them some pictures or a small gift? Good luck.
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