September 8, 2010
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Hi, I'm Matt. I'm a zombie.
My love / hate relationship with sleep continues. It's not 11PM yet and I know I'll be awake for another 3 to 4 hours. I will likely fall asleep between 2 and 3. My alarm will ring at 5:45 AM. I'll turn it off by 6 AM and roll over. I'll probably haul my ass out of bed by 7 and rush to work. I usually brush my teeth change out of my Batman PJs, wipe myself down with hand sanitizer and put on something decent while driving to work. I get a few stares but I'm used to it.
It'll take me between 2 and 3 coffees to get me going. I'll feel like a zombie all day. Maybe I've become one and didn't know it. I've seen those movies. They don't have a clue that they are zombies. Can zombies blog? Do zombies still like to eat dumplings? Can zombies enjoy food porn? (or as Franco cleverly noted - is that food, porn?) Can zombies have sex? Won't the smell and texture of decaying flesh turn them off? Do zombies use condoms? What will their ads in Craiglist look like?
"Gay Asian Male Zombie, can't remember if I'm top or bottom, looking for other zombies... must be straight acting, I mean human acting. I like my humans sashimi style. "
I wonder if zombies are afraid of the smell from durian, stinky tofu or stinky cheeses. Maybe they'll pinch their nose and go "ewww.... that stinks! It smells worse than me!"
I guess if I was a zombie, it'll be the first time guys will come after me. Of course these would be muscle bound testosterone laden guys armed with machine guns, cigars and grunting one syllable words "shoot...kill... die...".
Perhaps I'm a rare hybrid zombie. You know - like that Blade character. He's a half man, half vampire but can stand the daylight. I hope they'll make a movie of me. I wonder who'll play me? I vote for John Cho.
What will Jason do if he finally meets "Zombie Matt"?
ed note: apparently Matt's sleep medication is a bit too strong tonight.
Comments (42)
A glass of warm milk may be good even for a zombie so you won't have to be awake for the next hour or two. What do you say?
Haha, this was hilarious to read. Go get some rest Matt.
You're silly. Ambien is NOT your savior.
I don't think sex is recommended for zombies. What if your uh, member uh, falls off??? All that friction can't be good for decaying flesh. X_X
(So, immortality and compulsory celibacy -- how's that for eternal torment?)
Totally feel your pain man. I was up til 5am last night. I was tired all day but it's 12am now and I'm wide awake.
I was thinking today that my insomnia is responsible for the worst parts of my personality. If I could sleep, I'd be a much different person. Less manic, more staid.
@Norcani - hmm.... no milk in the fridge.
@Roadlesstaken - thanks, amazing what a tired brain can think up.
@fading_roses19 - agree... I don't take Ambien, just something very mild.
@Senlin - I have been using lots and lots of duct tape. hahahaha.... (I actually thought about writing that but couldn't figure out to describe it).
@supanamja - whoa... that's brutal. I hope you can get some sleep soon.
I was totally thinking about what Jason will react when he reads this blog entry! LOL
Hm.. there are many types of zombies...
make sure you are those dried up ones and best in extreme temperature places
like freaking cold or hell hot!
it slows down the decaying process and sometimes if the conditions are right
preserve you in the best of conditions!!
My mom takes those Chinese herbal meds and it works miracles!
She is now a dealer for her friends getting them those miracle pills!
I sometimes wonder if they have G or K in it! LOL
if durian scares zombies, then i'm practically untouchable should the zombie apocalypse arrive. haha!
@ZenPaper - what does your mom take?
we have SO MUCH in common.
@ElusiveWords - Pre-made capsules of processed herbs from our Chinese Traditional Medicine doctor! We don't know the ingredients but it smells like herbs. She had it made in China. If you take it half an hour before sleep, it will relax you down (like you are mildly intoxicated) and gets you to fall asleep easily! It does not have the side-effects like western sleeping pills where you feel groggy or spaced-out in the morning. Many of my friends and my mom's friends who have sleeping problems are taking it when they need it. I'm really curious if they have G or K in it! LOL
Oh, you're a funny guy, Matt. I wish you could get more sleep, but then your entries might be less interesting.
You write very well, Matt. You may lack sleep but seem to be able to make something interesting to read about. I probably would have just complained that I could not sleep
wow... i think you need more sleep! =P actually, that was very funny, and probably quite a bit influenced by your sleeping meds hahaha. i don't think zombies are capable of contemplating their existence on xanga, so i think you're safe.
Hey zombie Matt, may be you need to fast like I am doing. Since Ramadan started, I have been sleeping like a log, and can just barely hear the alarm clock in the morning. lol.
love your post
Perhaps it's in the name? This Matt is a non-sleeping zombie-type
as well. Ugh,, my mornings find me draggin lately.
I think I try to hard some times, knowing that I'm worried about
not sleeping,, keeps me from rest, what a cycle.
Wishing you well, and peaceful dreams.
*~matthew~*
This was great! It's interesting how your mind just keep on going, coming up with all sorts of stuff, it reminds me of someone. On another note, have you tried running for 30+ minutes before taking a warm bath/shower and then as you tuck yourself nicely in bed, think of how comfortable you are etc? cause that might work.. hopefully..ok I'll stop now. Good night!
Bleh, insomnia is the worst. Do you have a ritual before you go to bed? I've found that if I have a bedtime ritual (mine is warm bath or shower, tea and then reading in bed), I sleep much better.
You change from PJs to work clothes while driving to work?! You don't shower but use hand sanitizer to get clean?!
I bought myself a sleep aid from local pharmacy. Coz I know, if I don't get enough sleep I cant concentrate at work. Four coffee is bad for you. That is probably the reason you cannot sleep until 2 - 3 in the morning, coz u over doze yourselves.
I try not to drink coffee if I dont have too.
Just find someone to knock you out?
Have you tried using a hammer? This made me laugh. But, seriously, I hope you get some sleep soon. I am a Zombie...seriously...but not because of lack of sleep.
Batman pajamas FTW.
Zombie apocalypse!!!
Did you realize more than 50% of your questions are about sex?
Guess what's dominating Matt's subconscious
This post sort of perked me up from training class. I was dozing off...
@ZenPaper - G or K?
Are you a circuit boy?
Well, I guess the best inspirations mostly come at night, especially when I cannot fall asleep! I like your part regarding "top or bottom gay Asian zombie", if there's such a thing! haha~
@Wangium - You actually tallied and analyzed his post. you Psychologist?! LOL
What kinda training are you going through?
*feint innocence* What is a circuit boy? *blinking sparky big round eyes*
@ZenPaper - MS Access 2007 Intermediate :-
If you were a zombie youd know it lol. definitely just go to bed earlier. just lay in the dark put on calm music and light some incense. youll pass out. or take some nyquil or sumthing. eventually your body will get used to a sleep pattern of going to bed earlier and then youll be able to.
lmao "I usually brush my teeth change out of my Batman PJs, wipe myself down with hand sanitizer and put on something decent while driving to work." that would be hilarious to see xD
Heh.
Reeeeead my stories
need a *bonk* to the head?
Hahaha! You need to listen to something soothing to get yourself to bed! And batman PJs...too cute!
@ZenPaper - Would have never pegged you as a circuit boy!
@brooklyn2028 - me neither! I don't have the body! =P
@christao408 - I envy how some people can just fall asleep. I would pay for that luxury. But I guess if that makes for interesting entries - well, that might be a good tradeoff.
@Fatcat723 - thanks Rob, I'm not sure I do write very well. Sometimes I feel like Dr. Frakenstein. I stitch together a bunch of words and hope something good comes out.
@kunhuo42 - after a few sleepless nights, I sometimes do look like a zombie.
@ZSA_MD - maybe I should try that... hmmm that is an interesting thought Zakiah.
@bleuzeus - I hope you were able to catch up with some sleep this weekend Matt.
@TheCheshireGrins - usually reading in bed. I'm finding out TV is not that great.
@stepaside_loser - we zombies make the best use of our time.
@vsan79 - I should try to cut back on the caffiene - an extra $1.33 a day can add up.
@yang1815 - got someone in mind?
@adamswomanlost - glad it made you laugh - thanks for dropping in.
@carolinavenger - better than Superman PJs!
@Wangium - oh Jason, now be careful next time you go shooting at zombies... that could be me.
I think you're the only guy who counted the type of questions. I certainly didn't.
@CurryPuffy - sometimes I just have strange thoughts Gary... really strange thoughts.
@onxlvr2009 - most of the time after lying still, I just become wide awake.
@Mizlilaznduckie - and I drive standard (manual) too!
@ReeserTheShadow -
@injectedwords - I will, I promise. I'm kinda envious of your writing output (well not kinda, very envious).
@brooklyn2028 - it's a mad stumble to get to the shower and just stand under there trying to wake up. Why does everyone make fun of my Batman PJs?
@ElusiveWords - Well I could pay a visit to Toronto soon?
@ElusiveWords - lmao that sounds kinda dangerous hahaha still funny though :]
haha... you REALLY need to get some sleep. can't your bf sing you to sleep with a lullaby or something?
@rudyhou - nah... he'd probably think I was a baby.
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