September 12, 2010
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Trouble ahead
It’s been a tough two days looking after dad. He picked up a pretty bad infection in his foot. He says the pain is unbearable and he can’t walk. It’s been tough on my sister who bears the primary burden of home care. I help him get dressed and with washroom duties. He’s got other health problems as well. A recent change in medication has ruined his appetite and made him nauseous. He can only eat a couple spoons of food before calling it quits.
At his age, his body is beginning to fail him. Incontinence is just awful both physically and mentally. I was hesitant to write about this. It’s humiliating for him. But each of us will deal with it so be warned. I worry about his mental state. He doesn’t want to be put in any type of a retirement home or facility. So he keeps pretending that all is well and doesn’t tell us anything until it’s too late.
So for the next few weeks, we will deal with things like home care assistance, special walking carts, frames for toilet… and stuff like that. The other week at the hospital I picked up brochures about Power of Attorney, palliative care, living will and stuff like that.
Death – I can hear your faint footsteps coming again. But for now, he’s still in our hands.
Comments (37)
…trouble behind…and you know that notion just crossed my mind…ok, I’ll stop singing now and go read your post…
awe hugs Matt. This can’t be easy on you at all. I dont even know what to say but I’d help out if I could. You are so good to your Dad. I bet he is scared too. hugs again.
Keep him in your hands as long as possible.
@macphoto - thanks for the hugs… much appreciated.
@Roadlesstaken - we will Alex, thanks.
Thoughts and prayers.
Oh, my — sounds like some of what I’ve been dealing with for the last couple of years. I’m so glad you can help out, but it’s so hard on families when parents age beyond a certain point. I’ve heard it said that the aging is a series of phases — between phases, it may just be a slow but steady decline. My best wishes to you. I’ll be thinking of you ~ ~ ~
i will wish and pray and hope that while time may be short, it is just long enough.
I cannot imagine losing my father, though i understand i one day will.
<3 know your strength to deal with it and respect his wishes is phenomenal.
…i can only imagine how tough this is. you and your family are in my thoughts.
Hope things get better, its not an easy situation…
a really tough time, my prayer to all of you dealing with the situation…
It is not easy decision indeed. I can feel my mom’s health may be starting to go down hill. when I called her, she cannot hear what I said most of the time. Luckily her memory is still good and alert and she can walk pretty well. My sister-in-law hinted my mom has incontence; but my mom is putting up a brave face. Back in my mind, I am mentally preparing myself. Actually I secretely scouted several old people homes in Hong Kong last year, just in case. Matt, hang in there, I know my decision time is not much far behind yours.
@oxyGENE_08 - thank you Gene.
@slmret - you’re right, it’s a slow steady decline interrupted with sharp drops. Thank you for the wishes and thoughts.
@leavingishuman - thanks, I appreciate your kind words.
@ThePrince - thank you.
@tsotofu - thanks Peter, I appreciate that.
@agmhkg - thanks, my brother and sister will need them as well.
@stevew918 - these old folks home are so expensive and some are so depressing. You were smart to have scouted these out on your last trip. We’ll hang in there – thank you.
Hey, Matt – Sorry to hear that the road is getting bumpier. There’s something I want to say, but I’ll drop you a line and say it in private.
The road ahead will get more and more difficult. I know you love your Dad even as I did mine. The decision to place my dad in an assisted living situation was difficult but you know he did better there than at home. Fortunately he had his mind until the end but his body was dying parts at a time. We could not and even a visiting nurse could not help us keep him at home. Try to do what is best for him and the whole family. Hugs.
Thoughts and prayers, Matt. My dad is holding together pretty well these days, mom is another story. I know what you are going through.
Well, your last couple of paragraphs were the topics which my mom discussed with me (regarding dad) over the phone, a few days ago. I have mentally prepared myself for days like this. Hang in there, Matt. And let us know the progress and if there’s anything I that can help, just let me kow. ^0^
@christao408 - ok… got it Chris, thank you.
@Fatcat723 - thanks Rob for sharing your story, advice and hugs.
@luvmei - thank you, appreciate it. I hope things go well with Pei.
@CurryPuffy - thanks Gary, you hang in there too. I know distance makes it very difficult for you to be with your folks.
@Toro69 - appreciate the thoughts and prayers, I hope you’re keeping well on your side.
Matt, you’re in my thoughts. We’ve gone through the same things with my 83 year old Mom. They just don’t want to leave their home of comfort and familiarity do they?. My sister and brother and I take care of her and do things around her place for her but she does not want to move out, no matter how tough it is. Patience is so key here, isn’t it. Blessings to you and your dad and sister.
Hi Mattie, I am sorry at this curve ball that life is throwing at you. I know how much you take care and love taking care of your dad. This turn of events, has to be unnerving. I only hope he is not getting a gangrenous foot…for him to have so much pain with the infection is sometimes associated with it.
Please check about home health care. Take the help of some good neighbours while your sister is at work or something. Call the hospital voluntary services. They should be able to give you some heads up on situations like this.
My prayers are with you, love.
Hope all works out and your dad feels better soon.
@heart_beep - thank you. Elder care is tough – they want their independence and don’t want to bother us. You”re right about being patient.
@ZSA_MD - the antibiotics seems to be working. The redness has gone down but the pain is still significant. We will have to get some additional help with home care. Thank you Zakiah for your prayer. My sister, brother and I will need them.
@yang1815 - I hope so too Andy, thank you.
*Hugs* I’m thinking of you and your family. This is definitely a hard thing for any family to go through. Hang in there!
@TheCheshireGrins - thanks Meg, yeah this is not easy but we’ll find a way to pull through.
hope everything work out and that things will get easier
Hug … is gonna be hard. for you and your family.
very sorry to hear…there’s nothing worse than knowing there isn’t more you can do to make things better…
@icebladz - I hope so too – thank you.
@vsan79 - thanks Vincent, appreciate the hugs. I’d pass it on to my brother and sister but they don’t have a clue about my blog.
@onmovement - yeah, you’re right – we’ll just have to make sure he’s comfortable and as healthy as possible.
I want to give you a big, big hug!
My sister is in Taiwan now, and she’s also dealing with my mom’s health problems by taking her to hospitals, rehabilitation, and looking at the possibility of corrective surgery…
She was so worried that my mom might develop complication during the surgery.
I hope your dad recovers really soon!
@Wangium - thank you Jason – the hug was well received especially tonight. I hope your mom recovers quickly and without any complications.
if hugs can be sent, i’ve sent the already. it’s tough but what’s the best thing to do? just be there. i dunno if you believe in this but i’ll pray for you guys.
sorry to hear that…we’ll be here to support u
@Renatojr3 - I do believe you and appreciate it very much. Thank you.
@orchidgrass - welcome back! Glad to see you again – thanks for the support.
i’m truly sorry to hear what you are going through, matt. i know no words would be enough to ease the situation or change it for that matter. i do hope you have enough strength in you to hang in there as long as possible. i couldn’t imagine what i would do if i were you. my dad currently still in good health despite few problems due to aging. he’s the type who’s always capable to be tough and independent and so i think he too would opposed to be living in a retirement home if one day the similar situation happens to him. -hugs-
@rudyhou - thank you Rudy. My brother and sister are spreading the workload as much as possible. It’s hard on everyone. Dad has been the independent type too and never wants to be a burden. He ignores a lot of minor ailments but doesn’t realize that they can bloom into bigger problems.
i think he does. he probably chooses NOT to worry you guys more than he already has.
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