October 6, 2010
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Juggling priorities
It's been a bit difficult juggling work, looking after dad and my life. Dad's physically recovered thanks to massive doses of antibiotics. I've been working from my dad's house a couple of days a week. It's not exactly a comfortable place to work. But I can keep an eye on him. I need to make sure he eats regularly and has his vitamins & supplements. He's got a bunch of other ailments as well that need attention. His memory is unfortunately getting worse. He knows it and it worries him.
Now that I see him a lot more, I see how brutally lonely he is. I try to chat with him when I'm taking a break and have lunch and dinners with him. But I know that isn't enough. He doesn't have any close relatives in the city aside from us and a couple of distant cousins. He's been a very private person and kept to himself most of his life. His closest friend was my mom. He told me once his friends are his books. Sometimes he gets visits from members of the Church of the Latter Day Saints / Mormons which he actually looks forward to (no offense intended to any members of that church). I just wish I can do more.
I'll try to carve out more time to write. It's a bit weird just reading your entries and not doing any updates or comments. I feel a bit disjointed and out of touch. Again - many thanks to all of you for your prayers, support and well wishes. I really appreciate this special community.
Comments (21)
Sometimes in life, you play the hand you are dealt. Hang in there, Matt. Thoughts and prayers.
Well it's understandable =) . Keep on being a good son.
Sounds like you're doing a good job. Keeping him company is important -- just your being there is helpful!
Glad to hear your update, Matt. Some lines from your entry reminds me of my dad's situation. I just wish I could be close by like you are.
My grandmother was much the same way and one of the lessons I hope I can follow as I get older is to not let myself grow so disconnected from others as I age. The more connections I have, the less lonely I am likely to be.
Always thinking about you and your dad, Matt.
Don't worry about commenting. Your dad comes first - well along with your own life too. Don't forget that! I know that as people get older they tend to withdraw. I can see myself doing that. Don't feel like going anywhere after work. I go to the pool and there are people there who talk about all their ailments, So not pleasant. I sometimes remind myself not to get old or at least not in that direction. Hang in there Matt but remember to take care of yourself.
Yep, keep on being a good son.
Hang in there Matty. I think about you quite a bit.
Wish I could help with anything. And if I can, let me know yeah?
It's really good of you to be helping out your dad. I hope your siblings try to help, too. They seem largely out of the picture.
@Toro69 - thank you, appreciate your support as always. I hope you are keeping well.
@Roadlesstaken - thanks Alex, I'm not sure about being a good son - just trying to do my best.
@slmret - he's pretty quiet some days and I think he appreciates the company although I know he feels guilty that I have to be there.
@CurryPuffy - I know Gary, I often think about you and others who want to be physically closer to their aging parents. I'm fortunate to be where I am.
@christao408 - I hope you'll be blogging for many, many more decades. (I'm sure FB will eventually fade away and Xanga will still be around).
@Fatcat723 - keep those social threads strong Rob. I don't want you to be like my dad. Solitude is good sometimes but we need the companionship and friendships too. I have to remember to look after myself otherwise I can see me burning out soon - appreciate the advice.
@Dezinerdreams - thanks, I just wish I could do more.
@yang1815 - I will Andy - thank you for the offer.
@stepaside_loser - oh yeah, they do help quite a bit. I just don't write about them a lot. The downside is that it looks like I'm doing a lot of the work. I take advantage of my work flexibility to work from dad's house. I know they can't do this with their jobs. For example, I do a lot of meetings over the phone and can forward my work number to my dad's place.
@ElusiveWords - Oh, that would make sense. You're doing a lot of good, Matt. I hope your dad sees it and appreciates it. I hope all your effort is making his life much better
"I have to remember to look after myself otherwise I can see me burning out soon - appreciate the advice." Remember that. Take time to slow down and breathe. You won't do anyone much good if you run yourself into the ground. Take care.
*hugs* it is tough having to divide your time like that, but i'm sure that your dad really appreciates the care and concern you give to him. i'm glad that he's doing better. maybe you should get one of those pill cases that helps you divide the doses out throughout the day/week (each dose in a separate compartment), so that your dad can see whether or not he took his medications. i remember reading that it is always tougher on older men, since they tend to be less social and less willing to find new social networks after their partners pass away. it's great that you can be there for him.
I was watching TV the other day and they showed a commercial about "senior abuse". You're such a great son, taking time to take care of your dad, not only to see him take physical care of himself but also just spend quality time with him. I think that organization needs you as a poster child for how to treat seniors.
Hope your dad continues to get better and hope you're taking time to rest up yourself! *HUGS*
@Toro69 - so true, I sometimes think I can get by without very little sleep. But it all catches up to me during the weekend.
@kunhuo42 - we have those pill thingies but he doesn't like using it. So far we just leave it out for him and he seems fine with it. I know they work for a lot of folks though.
@brooklyn2028 - oh gosh, I'm no poster child but I appreciate the compliment. My sis and bro help out quite a bit too (I just don't write about them). I do remember those commercials - how heart breaking. And the recent article in the Star about neglect in these old folks homes, it was so hard to read. I'm fortunate that I can spend some time with him (actually I'm at his place tomorrow) so I'll cherish the time rather than treating it as a chore. I have to confess there are times when I felt like it was a chore. I do have to carve out some time to get some rest.
Hang in there, both of you!
We miss you, Matt, but please- be a little selfish. Sleep and love come before Xanga.
Matt! Apologies for being such a terrible Xangan friend...I've been reading your entries and sending prayers your way!
Have you tried taking him to a local senior community center? Perhaps he'll make new friends that way. Just a suggestion! Regardless, I hope you're well!
@TheCheshireGrins - we will - thank you.
@secade - oh I miss the sense of community and kinship here a lot. I also miss writing. I do need to get some good sleep.
@trendyhedonism - Tommy - thank you for sending prayers over. I've asked him about that before and he didn't seem interested. I'll check again to see if he may have changed his mind. P.S. no need to apologize and glad to see you again.
I find it amazing the connection I feel with people I'll never get the pleasure of
sharing a cup of coffee with in person. It's a great energy and strength
in the community here.
You are thought of often, and I am wishing you well from afar.
*~matthew~*
@bleuzeus - thank you Matthew, this is indeed a wonderful and special community here. I hope you're doing well too.
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