March 22, 2011
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Siblings
I'm not that close to my siblings. We don't spill our guts out to each other or hug each other. I'm the middle child, my sis is a couple of years older than me and my bro is a year younger. My brother was just this annoying guy who grew up faster than I did. He got a summer job before I ever did (and made more money at it). He had a car before I did. He had a gf before I did. (oh wait, I never had one...). It wasn't until he told me he was getting married when it struck me he grew up without me being an older brother for him. I was never there for him. We're better now. We always find a reason to laugh when we do get together. I've never told him I'm gay but I doubt if that will come as a surprise to him.
My sis is tough gal, a scrapper but with a gentle heart inside. But she's the type of person who doesn't like to reveal that heart. She never went to university. I don't know why but she started to work in retail right out of high school. In a lot of ways, she's been pretty successful. Retail is a tough industry with slim margins. It doesn't pay that well. My parents worry about her because she's always been the sensitive type. Right now, she's the primary caretaker for my dad. The two of them have never been close and their relationship is strained partly because of the stress. I do what I can to help but I can't be there every day. So she's the one that has to make sure dad is fed. She looks at the relative freedom my brother and I have and I'm sure she isn't happy with it. The strained relationship between her and my dad is creating a lot of stress for me. I worry that if I talk to her about it, she'll somehow take it out on my dad. I wasn't that close to my dad either but when my mom died, I knew I had to figure out how to get closer to him. I wish she found a way to do this and I'm angry she hasn't.
Now if either of them want dad to do something, they just leave it to me. "He'll listen to you Matt." Well - not always but I do try to figure out ways to get my dad to understand my position while acknowledging his. Sometimes when sis is in a good mood, we'll have a lot of fun and laughs. We do have more than our fair share of civil conversation - don't get me wrong. It's not always anger. But we're just not close. I have my own issues to. I'm not an easy person to get along with. I've got my share of issues. Thanks to my own rosy picture of myself, I can portray myself as a cross between Mother Teresa and the Dalai Lama. I'm nothing like that. I can be very cold.
It's odd. I wasn't even thinking of writing this. Alex wrote about his brother it just got me thinking my own relationship with my siblings. I wonder what the future will hold for us when dad passes on.
Comments (15)
It doesn't sound like your relationship with your siblings are too bad, but I can see that they have room for improvement. Do you see them very often?
Considering that siblings are forced upon you, not chosen, it isn't a surprise that we're not always as close to them as we could be. It seems like the relationship is different at different stages of life, too. Hopefully, you and your siblings can build a functional relationship, if not always close.
BTW - haven't chatted in a while.
I am the oldest and I am closest with my older younger brother. We grew up together and went through hell and back. My second brother is just one year younger than him, but he and I aren't very close. I mean we're closer than it seems, but we hardly speak to each other and it's usually arguing, because no one can get him to do anything he's asked. Then there's my sister (who is the youngest). She and I are close but near as close as one would think sisters are. We're quite different in age (10 years difference), so finding common ground without going, "I've been there..." is kinda hard and causes a strain (she's 13 now...and on top of the world.) I wish I could be closer with those two...but sometimes it's a bit hard. Some of our problems start with our parents and how we were treated growing up...sigh...sometimes you can only work so hard to change a relationship, it doesn't work usually unless the other person wants it to as well.
I hope you can get closer with them in time.
I also wonder what will happen if my parents passed on, nothing bad will happen between my brother and me I hope!
I keep writing and deleting. Take 4. We each have different relationships with our siblings. I can't remember the last time my sister called me. She'll facebook message me or message me on words with friends. However, I know by her doing so she still worries about me. I worry about her too, but just don't say so. Probably how we were brought up. Things have changed so much since we were young. I hope you have the kind of relationship you wish to have with them. There's time. Jia you!
I have one sister who is younger than I am. My folks passed away several years ago. We each have our own social circle. We live about 10 minutes apart by car. We communicate by email - phone once in awhile now that I have a working cell phone. We do get together for holidays. I live in Florida year round. They go to Maine for the summer. It is a different relationship but I think we are both happy with it.
I agree with alex, it definitely doesn't sound like a bad relationship. Then again sometimes being distant is really hard to fix. Me and my brother aren't amazingly close, but I'd like to think that we're getting closer. It's hard though since we're so far apart from each other right now. Thanks for the reminder, I will definitely try and get closer with him before we both fully become adults.
I'm not really that close with my siblings too but we get along.
my relationship with my older brother isn't so strong either.
@christao408 - Ditto.
I'd trade you Matt. At least they chip in a bit. Here, I'm it. Nearest family other than Dad & Mom is 2,000 miles away. Hang in there. my friend.
Relationships with siblings are weird. It's kind of liked forced friendships sometimes. Glad to hear you have a better relationship with them now. I'm lucky to have a great relationship with my brother.
@Roadlesstaken - I see my sister at least once a week. My brother is less often - once a month or longer. But sometimes it's a couple of times a month.
@christao408 - sometimes it does feel like it's dysfunctional. But you are right, over time and at different stages in our lives, things do change. (and thanks for the recommending)
@ALovingAdversary - thanks for sharing your story. Chris (Christao408) mentioned in his comment that our relationship is different at different stages in our lives. So there's time for things to improve.
@CurryPuffy - You've mentioned your brother a few times in your entries. I've always gotten the feeling the 2 of you have a good relationship.
@piyapong - I hope so too. Thanks for taking time out to finish the comment (even if it's 4 takes - I go through this too). I'll remember to "add oil".
@Fatcat723 - I'm glad you're both happy with the relationship.
@pika_whoosh - I do remember you writing about your brother and how you're trying to encourage him to be a better student. One day I think he'll look back and thank you for this.
@oxyGENE_08 - getting along is good. I sometimes wonder how close will I ever get to my siblings.
@alchemystfury - I hope things will change over time.
@yang1815 - grr... gonna have to drag more words out of you next time.
@Toro69 - well, they chip in quiet a bit (especially my sis). The physical distance can make things a lot worse (and also a convenient excuse).
@brooklyn2028 - it's great to hear that you have a great relationship with your bro.
@ElusiveWords - no.
My first comment since my surgery! Yay How do you rate darling!!??
I am sure you will become very close to each other after dad is gone, but just like now, there will be some rift, and the gradually these rifts will close in and the the children, nieces and nephews will take over the the charm of the united family. At least I hope so.