November 17, 2011
-
Mind numbing work
It’s been a struggle trying to sort out dad’s finances. I’m not exactly very organized and neither is my dad. His desk would always be covered with mounds of papers. In the past few years, I’ve been paying his bills online. There are some bills that he pays by cheques (or checks to my American readers) and they are mostly magazine subscriptions. But I’ve noticed he is also paying for a few things that he doesn’t really need to (e.g. multiple payments to the same charity, useless CDs that he doesn’t want, books that he didn’t order…). He does keep a cheque book (thank goodness). But I’ve also found that he will pay a bill and then give me the statement afterwards and I pay it too.
So in my free time I’m trying to organize both our financials, carefully sorting them out and documenting everything. This is painful, mind numbing and just stressful to an artsy fartsy guy like me. But I know once I get this done, things will be a lot better. I’ve also asked him to tell me where he stores his important documents like his will. I know it’s in his room somewhere…. unless he decided to keep it in a safe place that I don’t know about.
While I was at his house a few weeks ago, I came across a note book with his handwriting. He started to keep a journal for a few weeks and then stopped. One of his entries was about visiting my brother and sister in law. There was a scribbling – “no kids” or something like that. And then the line underneath was something like “same with Matt”. That one hit me hard. I closed the notebook and shoved it back in the cabinet.
Comments (18)
Oh, how familiar this sounds! Until 2 years before her death, my mother kept her own checkbook. Then she asked me to balance the account — I found that she had 5 balances in her checkbook register that needed to be added together for the actual balance! She gradually allowed me to balance the account regularly, and we whittled those balances down to 1. She collected charitable appeals, and I found myself tossing duplicates every month! It worked best for us that only one person was writing checks (her mind was pretty good right till the end). Knowing about all bank/brokerage accounts, hiding places where there might be cash, important documents (will, trust, deed to property, etc.) is critical as you go through the process of settling any estate.
I see….starting to discover little secrets in the journal. My parents have similar comments for me too – no grand kids.
wow… be strong ma man.
I don’t like organising stuff, either. I’d delay it as much as possible.
And you read your dad’s diary! Tsk tsk!
Yeah it’s hard when you find the real feelings sometimes isn’t it?
Matt you are a good son. Sorting out all that would be a real pain. The remark in the journal – remember that all parents want grandchildren – no matter what. And they do not always get their wishes.
Getting organized to take care of finances is always a pretty big misery. I find it helpful to write down a list of all current, necessary bills/payments and then compare that list to all payments that have been made, and then reconciling them by cutting off anything that doesn’t belong on both.
If man were to be measured only by his progeny, then the world as we know it seems as if it would collapse. As our society evolves and we denigrate acts like rape/forced sex, extra-marital affairs and any of a few dozen other bad sexual practices, we have learned that there is a great deal more to modern life than simply shooting our DNA through time. Those who refuse to examine life as little more than an opportunity to reproduce are those who will often live life in exactly those pursuits. Be angry at such poor judgment, be angry but do not let that anger ferment to bitterness because as one who does not subscribe to such beliefs, you have already self-determined to walk along a greater path.
I spend an hour this morning sorting out my files and documents, and throwing out utilities statements 15 years old, lol. It is no fun. My mom does not know how much she has in her bank account either. Scary! One time I went with her to the bank and she wanted to withdraw a thousand dollars, and the teller said she does not have that much in the bank, surprise. My mom looked shocked. Wonder where the money went? I end up giving her a thousand dollar on the spot to tie her over until the check I gave her can be cashed. Matt, no kids yet? Hehe
My sister has two kids. Considering we’re the only two our parents have, I’d say one of them counts for mine so I don’t have to. *laughing*
I am so glad you are helping your dad like this. I agree with what Janet says above. The various charities will focus on old people and keep on sending pathetic statements over and over again. I hope you will have everything squared away soon.
@CurryPuffy - it only had a few entries in it. I think he started it and forgot about it.
@slmret - I’m sure you can relate Janet. Fortunately he only has a couple of bank accounts. I try not to think about everything that needs to be done otherwise it’s too overwhelming. If I can just get the big items out of the way first, then I’ll be able to breath a sigh of relief. Those charities are just awful sometimes. I will have to start writing them to take my dad’s name off their list.
@BenelliMan - I’ll try Dennis, thank you.
@stepaside_loser - well, the note book was mostly blank, then it had a few entries – mostly about what he did during the day. He stopped writing in it after a few days. How are things going with you Andrew?
@yang1815 - it can be a bit of a bummer Andy.
@Fatcat723 - Thanks Rob for the compliment and the need to put that comment into perspective, I feel a bit better.
@ElusiveWords - I agree — the charities are terrible — I get annoyed when I receive monthly appeals from a charity — and they’re all doing it now. I prefer to give once a year, and now am having trouble keeping track — may have to get them to take my name off the lists too!
@oxyGENE_08 - yep, I’ll make sure this won’t get to me. Thanks Gene.
@injectedwords - it can be miserable work as you described it Colin. I think once I get a system in place, it should be a lot easier to manage. Thanks for the advice about not letting anger ferment.
@stevew918 - gee Steve, if you have time maybe you should come over and help sort out my stuff too!
@Frost_Velissir - hahahaha – good one.
@ZSA_MD - you’re right Zakiah, I’ve always supported charities but I don’t like what I’m seeing now.
@ElusiveWords - Yep sure is. Asian parents eh?
Ouch… hopefully, you don’t take it as a criticism. It is what it is. That said, it can still be hurtful.
Re: “cheques”, thank you for translating. I have a hard time with Canadian. LOL
you have such self-control! if i were given the same opportunity to read something my parent’s wrote……..does that make me an awful person? =P
sorting out finances can be a real pain but definitely worth it! hope you get things de-cluttered soon!
@christao408 - well, he can be somewhat blunt at times. He is old fashioned, has 9 siblings and believes in continuing the family line.
@jace1982 - at first I thought it was just some reminders he wrote for himself (to do list) then he had some more personal thoughts. But he stopped after a few days of writing. I think he just forgot all about the book. I’m not a super organized person (my bf is… we’re complete opposites in some ways). I have a funny feeling you’re pretty organized & structured.