March 11, 2012
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Feeling Lost
I feel lost. Not physically … but in this life. I see others with a strong sense of purpose. They know their mission in life. They know what they are passionate about. They understand what it takes to attain their goals. Not me… GPS or a map won’t help if you don’t know where you want to go. I remember one of my earliest results from career counseling in high school. It was one of those computerize systems. It suggested I had an interest in farming or being a priest. I didn’t even like mowing the lawn or watering the house plants. My guidance counselor was a priest (I went to a Catholic high school). He was disappointed when I told him I wasn’t interested.
Corporate life has made me jaded and disillusioned. Elder care has saddled me with a mixture of guilt, satisfaction, fear and sadness. You’re a child and a parent at the same time. Sooner or later elder care and corporate life will no longer be an issue. So what is next?
You know what crystallized this entry? It’s this lovely little video I saw on another blog.
So what do you folks think I should do? I feel like a ship without a harbour. A plane without an airport.
Maybe I’ll do what this guy did. I’ll print out some of my entries and sell them. Would you buy them? I’ll even autograph them for you.
Comments (25)
Of course I would buy it, but you better leave me a good message when you autograph it!
When I took the career test, I got priest, therapist, or teacher. I don’t want to do any of those. Maybe therapist at some point, but I realize there is only so much crap I can tolerate.
Oh, by the way, I think if you published something, you might need to start dodging the media, or we’ll find out how you actually look like.
we both know you’ll not do what this guy did; and a little of you still enjoys the corporate slog despite the whinning. But if you have a dream Matt, don’t wait, just go for it! Otherwise, routine and complacency will continue to consume you from the inside out.
Listen man, just cut with the bull. Take a nice cold shower and you’ll see the world in a better light.
I’m in the same boat as you buddy. It’s the plight of most 20 somethings.
The economic uncertainty has made corporate life so painful. Our father’s generation was able to plan for a life with Acme Company; get annual increments, buy a house, buy a car, experience the 10, 25, and 50 year corporate-slave anniversary. It’s not like that anymore. Unfortunately, we are the transition generation – the first to get thown out of corporate-slave-paradise. We were not trained for this. Thus, it is no wonder we are lost.
I think you enjoy the corporate routine but like all of use have a dream. Go for the dream while you still have a chance. And yes I will buy a cup.
Hello, Elusive. I’m new at Xanga and ran into your post. I feel you. Hang in there.
You know, Matt, I think sometimes other people may appear more certain about where they are going than they actually are. We don’t see the great uncertainties and anxieties and fears of the unknown that even the most passionate, driven people have. From my own perspective, I’ve had lots of people tell me how they could never be so brave as I was to just pack up and move to the other side of the world for my partner. Maybe it looks that way from the outside, but it wasn’t that way at all from my point of view!
The most important advice given to me by a friend years ago, when I was just starting university and was not certain of which way to go in life, was that it didn’t matter which way I went; what mattered was that I was moving. If you aren’t moving, he said, you’re getting nowhere.
When it came to me having to choose a direction in life, I ultimately had to ask myself whether I could live with the possibility of the direction not working out. I realized that, even if worse came to worse, I’d still be okay. That realization freed me to take a step in a new direction.
I realize that I’ve written all about me, me, me… but I think my experiences are equally applicable to anyone else’s life. Sometimes our only purpose is to take a step in a new direction.
@Roadlesstaken - hahaha… I will.
@Wangium - hmm… but if I want to be successful, I can’t be anonymous. Which means if I’m ever successful, I can’t brag about it here.
@AppsScraps - I enjoy the people I work with not necessarily the level of satisfaction with the job.
@catstemplar2 - a nice cold shower will jolt me back to reality.
@wutuwaitn4 - I always thought photography was one of your passions and you’re doing well at it.
@beowulf222 - I remember a coworker retiring after 36 yrs in the company but came back as a part time contractor. I felt sad for him, I don’t think he had a life outside of work. His whole identity seemed to be tied up at work.
@Fatcat723 - I’m confused on what my dream and goals are.
@ippie01 - thank you for dropping in and for subscribing. Welcome to Xanga.
@christao408 - somehow over time I’ve lost what I’m passionate about and what I’m interested in. I appreciate your comments and feedback. This is probably something better discussed over a long chat over coffee / tea.
@ElusiveWords - We can chat anytime you want. With your insomnia, it would make a good midafternoon break for me.
@ElusiveWords - Hehe thanks. I don’t do photography full time. It’s just a hobby but I do a few gigs here and there.
Lately, I almost always sense this undercurrent of anxiety in between the lines over here. I wonder that you’re okay?
can’t help it… your post reminds me of this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsrcv-ilfiM
@secade - how odd… you’re the second person to notice something. I am coping – just a lot of stuff going on right now.
@kunhuo42 - awww… I had to Google the lyrics. I’m one of those people that will always not make out the words to a song accurately. I guess I have to smoke some grass to find my purpose. If I get caught, I’ll say that a very qualified and prominent member of the academic world recommended it.
@ElusiveWords - hahaha i didn’t recommend that! i just meant you searching for your purpose reminds me a lot of avenue q.
i think it’s hard to be exactly sure of where we want to head in life… there are so many uncertainties and complications. but we can’t just give up, either… i think the trick is to make the most of what we have now, and keep striving for *some* goal — even if that goal changes over time.
If you can make the time, maybe see another careers counsellor? Try to find a free one, because then you’d have nothing to lose but an hour or two of your time.
The video was nice.
What brings you the most joy? Maybe you can turn some of that into a profession or a hobby. Maybe it’s time for a move of some sort, gain some new perspective. I’m sure things will feel better if you add some change to your life :]
ahhhhhhh i know what you mean. that unknowing and searching for what fulfills you.. its like a horrible disease..
I love the video
@stepaside_loser - I think I gave you similar advice some time ago.
I should listen to myself sometimes (although I can be very annoying to listen to).
@Devilzgaysianboi - I’m thinking along those lines too. While there are aspects of my job that I like, I don’t enjoy it all the time. But it pays the bills. I do like vegging out … but seriously, I do enjoy writing.
@radio03 - I hope there is a cure!
@oxyGENE_08 - I wonder if you’ll be drawing on coffee cups soon?
@ElusiveWords - I stopped drawing since I was in grade school.
To be honest, I think the majority of us feel lost despite what we outwardly portray to others. Is that a pessimistic or realistic point of view? Anyways, I guess the point is that worrying about others won’t help. I do feel like you sometimes that the things I do at work aren’t necessarily the things I am most passionate about. The only way I have been able to solve it is with volunteering. However, given your schedule I really doubt you have time. I wish I could provide better advice. On the other hand I do see your passion in your writing so to answer your question, yes, I would buy your writing. However, to get the autograph, I would need you to tell me who you are, so wouldn’t be anonymous anymore.
@brooklyn2028 - I saw a volunteer position at the local library (reading to kids and helping with homework). But I couldn’t figure out how to fit it into my schedule. I do like writing. I want to see if I can improve my writing through courses.
build the harbor/airport!