June 21, 2012
-
Family and Work
I was talking with a colleague today about his work. I don’t know him that well but we get along ok. He is not an employee but rather a contractor. I asked him if he’ll want to come back for another term. He hesitated and wasn’t sure how to respond. I told him I know he works a lot of long hours and he’ll need to take that into consideration if our company decides to extend his contract. He pointed to the stickers on the cover of his laptop. He told me his kids put them there. It’s his way to remember what is important. Then he opened up a bit. He works almost every evening past midnight. He said it wasn’t unusual to be called a couple of times a night. I told him I could relate a bit to those late night, early morning calls. Sometimes it’s an irate client who will be raising hell to our execs. It’s not easy.
He also said he tries to play with his 2 kids after dinner but sometimes he just falls asleep. His kids just walk away when they hear him snoring. He said he can’t help fall asleep. But he said the worse thing is when he snaps at his kids. He’ll be working and his kids will hang around him wanting to play. He just feels horrible and very guilty afterwards. His hands were animated as he was talking. He looked down to his right as if his kids were right there.
When he looked back at me he said “I set aside one night for the kids now.” I nodded in sympathy and told him “Your family and health is more important than this contract.” He smiled. I told him my dad worked 6 1/2 days a week when I was growing up. I only saw him on Sunday afternoons. I could relate to what his kids were going through.
I hope my colleague makes the right decision. He’s an asset to our company. But he’s a more important asset to his family.
We finished our meeting at 5PM. He ran off to another meeting while I went back to my cubicle to do more work. The irony was not lost on me.
Comments (30)
I sure don’t envy you guys working/burning the midnight oil!
Im touched. I read an article where the thing people regretted most when they’re facing the last moments of life is usually how they wish they didn’t work AS hard so they could have spend more time with family and on things that mattered.
^I read that article too. I think my parents always brought me up to appreciate happiness and health though. I’ve never been one to sacrifice family and friends for material gains. My parents always told me you can swap love and health for money, but can’t buy love or health.
That is a touching story that repeats itself too many time. Family seems to grow up so quickly and time is missed with them. I don’t envy his man decision. I hope the one he makes puts him at peace in himself – as he runs off to another meeting.
Aww… this entry is so touching. I’m glad he’s spending time with the kids before they’re adults.
Great story with a strong lesson…
“He’s an asset to our company. But he’s a more important asset to his family.”
Your entries are always a good read.
Family first
Sometimes I wonder if it’s not so much uniquely family as submerging ourselves into an environment in which we are surrounded by love…
I wish i could live without money!
Thoughtful as always, Matt. I hope he can find a way to provide for his family without running himself into the grave before his kids grow up.
such an interesting topic. especially in Asian families, right? my brother and i argue about this exact thing all the time. on one hand, i can understand that my brother wants to provide for his kids and make a shit ton of money and crap. but on the other hand, where’s the fine line? how much of that is really for the kids’ true needs vs. fatherly pride? not being a parent myself, i can’t judge my brother or your contractor. i even wonder if i’ll do the same exact thing when i get out of residency (if i’m lucky to be a parent). as a litmus test, i try to ask myself, “when i’m on my death bed, what would i think about this?” but i know it’s not always that black and white.
Matt, if you were this contractor, how many nights out of the week would you work less to spend time with the kids?
I may come across as jaded but “temp staff (or contract staff)” is a euphemism for slave. In some ways, modern working conditions are not so much different from those conditions prevailing during the industrial revolution leading to the Labor movement. We may not have to do backbreaking work but it’s breaking us in different ways.
wow, talk about long work hours! it’s crazy how bosses expect you to devote your entire life to a company… it makes employees less productive, less motivated, and just burned out. hopefully you set aside some time for yourself!
If that contractor continues on the path he is now, surely he’ll get a better role and have more reasonable hours? Does it work that way? I’ve always thought people work this hard because they want the experience to get a better role… or they want a lot of money fast, before they take it easier. What about you, Matt? I’m just curious.
Timely post, Matt. Too many people lose sight of what is really important and end up being a slave to work. I’ve especially noticed in the US (and I’d imagine it is the same in Canada), that people aren’t generally working this hard because it is necessary to survive. They and their families already have a very decent standard of living. Instead, they feel like they have to provide more and more and ultimately are struggling just to keep up. If they settled for a slightly smaller house, only one TV instead of one in each room, etc., they could probably afford a job that consumed fewer hours and let them spend more time with their family.
@Devilzgaysianboi - That’s a good point to remember, Kevin. None of us will look back on our lives and wish we had pulled a few more all-nighters to get a project ready for our boss.
This touched the very core of my soul Matt. It was like that with me. I worked days and nights. We would be having dinner and I would have to leave to go to the ER. I would go to the hospital in the middle of the night and not get home until the patient was stabilised, and then come home around seven, just when my children would be getting ready for school. I want to lower my head and cry my heart every time I think of those days. I didn’t attend so many of the events at my children’s schools. I want to put my hand inside my chest and crush my heart for not being there for my children.
I am so glad I am able to spend time with their children. I hope your colleague considers the gift he has at home with his children and the family.
Many of us fall for the alure of money …especially in financially difficult times.
@CurryPuffy - I guess you know how it is. Quarterly results, earnings per share, profit… y/y growth… I used to be fascinated by these numbers. Now I am very jaded by it.
@Devilzgaysianboi - I read that one too… (or similar articles). Maybe it’s just my paranoia about not having enough money to provide for myself that has been driving me. I know what it’s like to grow up in upper middle class (eg. w/ driver and maid) but I also know what it’s like to grow up without a lot of money as well. But I don’t want to face death with a long list of regrets. I appreciate your comment and reminder about what is important… thank you Kevin.
@pika_whoosh - you’ve learned well from your parents Matthew.
@Fatcat723 - I think he’ll leave the company when his term is up. I doubt if he will want to go through this again for another year.
@Got_Claws - I hope he finds more time to spend with his kids before it’s too late.
@ed408 - it is a great lesson. I think Someone was trying to send me a message.
@KevEats - thanks for the compliment and the rec.
@oxyGENE_08 - you’re right (as usual…). Sometimes it’s tough though when there are deadlines and customer pressures.
@secade - I agree with you. I think we take it for granted that we all want to spend time with our family. But that’s not true in all cases.
@thiueopng - same here but it would be very difficult though.
@Toro69 - I have a funny feeling that he’ll leave the company and get a less demanding job.
@caki730 - ah, yes… Asian family but likely immigrant families too. We all see how hard our parents work and we all want to provide for our family and loved ones. As for your question, the fact that I have to think about it saddens me. I wish I could have just quickly say 3 nights or something like that.
@beowulf222 - it’s the virtual ball and chain… all these electronic tools (laptop, smartphones….)
@kunhuo42 - it is crazy and it’s also competitive as well. But the rewards are not that great. Like that ol’ adage about winning the rat race – it’s not much of a prize.
@stepaside_loser - not really, we hire them because they are cheaper and we don’t have to pay benefits. We can move them out when the project is finished. As for your question - I worked hard because I wanted to
move up. I got noticed and I did get rewarded a bit for it. But I have
a very different perspective now.
@christao408 - I don’t know what his circumstances are as I don’t know him that well. In my case, it’s more providing for my family (and now some of dad’s medical expenses) that is really my motivation for working.
@ZSA_MD - thank you for your comment. It was very touching to read. It’s tough for those in your profession and those in shift work too. I hope he will find a different job for next year. Thanks for the rec too.
@Zeal4living - true – we know it’s hard to walk away from $ when the job market is so tight. Thanks for the rec.
it’s nice to know he knows what’s important and that you support his view. i too grew up not having my dad around that often. but he did it for the love of his family and to provide sufficient financial support. due to his hard work, his business is now has flourished into a successful enterprise and one that supported his kids for an overseas education. his many years of hard work is not lost on me. i shall never measure up to his level of commitment and success.
@rudyhou - I think I understand you a bit better now and why you also work so hard. He worked a lot of long hours and I saw him at night just before bedtime. He also worked 6 1/2 days a week and later cut that down to 5 1/2 to 6 days. He sacrificed a lot when he moved us to Canada. He pretty well started at the bottom again and rarely had the business success. But he was able to put us through school, put food on the table, clothes on our back and a roof over our heads. When you wrote that you don’t think you can measure up to his level, I feel the same too. Thank you for the rec.
Is a hard decision, financial and family never works hand in hand.
If it does you are lucky and you should hold on to it.
Its all a rat trap. Many complain about the excessive work but they really can’t do anything about it. Unfortunately without money we can’t live, so many walk the tight rope and try to balance work with family life. Family life loses most of the time.
@ZSA_MD - At least you were doing something useful: Saving people, or giving them a chance to be saved. Respect you for that.
@vsan79 - it’s not easy to find a job that pays decently and one that you’re passionate about. And you’re right about balancing the needs of the family too.
@catstemplar2 - it is a tightrope… I know most people are just trying to get by and not trading off the luxuries in life (vacations, new car…).
Family always comes first. Like Chris said, some people keep upgrading and getting the latest and the bestest, but then they have to work more to keep up with that habit…