June 5, 2013
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My Favorite Aunt
My favorite aunt was recently diagnosed with lymphoma. She’s my mom’s older sister and the last of the sisters on my mom’s side. The sisters were tight and lived many miles apart. But geography and time zones was overcome by their regular long distance phone calls. As the years went on, we all got news the oldest sister in Hong Kong was on her last days. My mom couldn’t go back because of medical issues. My favorite aunt and I flew back to Hong Kong. We managed to see my aunt one last time before she took her last breath. The phone calls continued but with one less sister.
When my mom got cancer, my favorite aunt and my mom’s brother came over to visit. They had a final reunion that was filled with laughter, food and solemn conversations. It was a very teary goodbye. After my mom passed away, my aunt flew in on the day of the funeral. It was a very sad month for her. Her husband had just passed away 2 weeks before.
Shortly after, I started to call my aunt about once a month to chat. She had to put up with my limited Cantonese but we managed to chat each time for about 20 minutes. Most of the conversation is just regular chit chat. My cousin told me years later that her mom enjoyed my calls because I always made her laugh. On months when I was really bogged down with work, my cousin would remind me that my aunt hasn’t heard from me in awhile.
I spoke with my aunt yesterday. She’s undergoing tests to see where the cancer has spread. She has other medical issues but they will have to wait. Her first chemotherapy is in a week or two. She sounded brave and determined. But there was also fear in her voice. She had told me just a few weeks ago she believed she had cancer. Everyone told her that she was over reacting. She asked about my dad, my work, and how every is doing. I tried to sound optimistic but I also feared the worse.
Last Sunday, I went to the cemetery to visit my mom. I saw a pair of rabbits running after each other. Sometimes they would stop and look at me. One came with a few feet of me and stuck his tongue out before leaping away. Above me a wood pecker was busy hammering at a tree trunk looking for insects. A cool breeze fanned the evening air as dusk approached. That night, I was able to sleep well for the first time in days without worrying about my aunt.
Comments (23)
Sorry that you and your aunt went through a rough period. I hope that the chemotherapy will help with the lymphoma and at least stop it in its tracks.
I enjoyed your last paragraph because besides the fact that sight help put your brain at ease for the first time in a while, it also reminded me of something. I’m not sure if you believe in reincarnation, but with the sight of the rabbits, somehow I feel it symbolizes that your aunt and mom have been reborn into new kindred spirits. As they hopped along, they were enjoying each other’s company. And possibly, the one that came up to you was your mom. She wanted to remind you that things will be okay, and never to lose your sense of humor (by sticking her tongue out), thus referring to how you always make your favorite aunt laugh on your phone calls. And with the woodpecker, it reminds that even during the racket that it makes pecking away at the tree, there’s still a beauty that you can appreciate from it, even if it’s doing it’s been used to.
I hope that you continue to sleep well, and that your aunt’s sessions go well.
Sorry to hear about the bad news in your family. I think this is the course of life we all will eventually have to see … our parents and other relatives getting older, frailer, and eventually passing away. There is this saying that a parent shouldn’t see his/her child die because this means the child passed away at a young age but for a child to his/her parent die is not much more pleasant (maybe more in line with how things should be logically but not pleasant at all).
That’s sad. Seems like cancer is pretty rampant in your family.
Where do rabbits with cancer end up?
I’m so very sorry to hear about all the loss in your life. You have had so many…too many…important, precious people die.
I understand this a bit, as I have lost grandparents, my Dad, and a sister to cancer.
But, I have family and friends who have battled cancer and won. So, I will pray for your aunt and send healing wishes her way.
That you are taking the time to call your aunt and talk with her…I know this lightens her burden and give her joy!
Your last paragraph brought tears to my eyes!
HUGS!
I’m glad that you’ve kept in touch with your favorite aunt — it will be hard when she dies, but she’s lived a good long life, and you’ve been a great nephew. I loved the story about the rabbits and the woodpecker nature knows what she’s doing when she plays little games like that. Glad you slept well that night!
Sorry to hear about the bad news. It sounds like you are a great nephew. Lets hope for the best. Take care buddy.
Very touching blog. You are a great person!
It is great to keep in touch with family. I will remember your Aunt in my prayers. Sounds like the animals came to say hello to you!
I’m glad you stay in close touch with your aunt. I wish I had called my mom more frequently before she died, and made the effort to go see her.
My Cantonese is extremely limited. I learned a brief dialog when I was teaching phonetics. I know how to say “How are you? How is your wife?” “I’m not married!” “Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you.”
Sorry to hear that. Hope she’s OK.
Sorry to hear about your aunt’s illness. Best of luck to her.
@laytexduckie - Ben, I appreciate what you wrote and it made me happy. It’s actually the first time I’ve seen rabbits and a woodpecker at the cemetery.
@beowulf222 - I guess that’s the cycle of life. I just wished I could have made him a grandfather.
@XtremePsionic - it seems that way, scary. I guess there’s a heaven for rabbits?
@adamswomanback - I am sorry for your loss and the pain. I also want to thank you for sending prayers her way. It is much appreciated.
@ElusiveWords - like, a French restaurant?
@slmret - she’s the only person that I talk Cantonese with. The scene with the rabbits and the woodpecker was a bit surreal and very peaceful. I’ve never seen them there before.
@icebladz - thank you, I’m hoping for the best too.
@stevew918 - I’m not sure about being great, but I appreciate the compliment.
@Fatcat723 - for a moment, it felt like I was at your place. I appreciate and thank you for sending prayers her way Rob.
@Roadkill_Spatula - you’re a man of many skills.
@CareyGLY - thanks Carey, I appreciate you dropping by.
@Xx_DeUce_xX - thank you, I hope she’ll pull through.
@XtremePsionic - lol… you must be hungry.
This post really touched me. I wish for the best for your aunt.
You just touched my soft spot here. I believe in signs and those rabbits are peace. Sending to you and your aunt all my good vibes and extra best wishes to her.
Your writing is unbelievable. It reminds me of the saying ‘Still waters run deep.’
You guys do it differently but you should check out this author if you have time, your empathy reminds me of him.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Haddon
Oh Mattie, these are words worth preserving and reading over and over again. Your heart is so full of love and respect. How proud your family has to be to have you within its fold.
I hope your aunt does very well. Usually, lymphoma in older people is rather innocuous, and not the severely malignant kind that is ACUTE. It also depends on the type of lymphoma. Hopefully she has a chronic lymphocytic lymphoma~ the prognosis then should be alright in my opinion.
People of the Eastern parts of the world sometimes recognize the future and the ailments. The fact that she realized she has cancer tells a lot about the feelings and knowledge that these venerable adults have. Matt, you in your own way of empathy and sensitivity not only endeared yourself to her and the family across the ocean, but have made a beautiful home of friendships and relationships in our own hearts.
I am so glad you were so much at peace when you went to the cemetery and returned to sleep so soundly. Blessings to you always dear heart.
Matt, I’m sorry about your aunt and I hope she continues to live a good life. It was really touching how your mother and aunts talked monthly on the phone – and it was so lovely that you continued speaking to your aunt. You regularly make me think of the relationship I have with my family and relatives who are so distant to me.
@vickyvix - thank you for dropping in and for the best wishes. I hope you have a great day.
@Kliente2 - thanks for the good vibes. I didn’t know rabbits are symbols of peace. They looked like 2 little kids running around.
@bolt99 - I really appreciate your compliment, thank you. I did a bit of editing to make it a bit more concise and readable. I’ll check out that author. I remember when I first subscribed to you. I think you wrote a tribute to your coach (I think…). I don’t know if you’ll continue to stay here or move on somewhere else but I hope if you move on, you’ll let us know your new home.
@ZSA_MD - thank you for your wonderful words. My aunt had a bone marrow test a few days ago and should have the results probably this week. Everyone is just worried but we are all hoping for the best.
@stepaside_loser - Andrew, I’m not a role model. Sometimes my preference for solitude gets in the way of relationships. But I would encourage you to reach out to a few relatives at first and see how it goes.
i sincerely hope your aunt will have a good test result after the chemo treatments. you are doing a great thing by continuing the phone calls. i’m sure your mum is smiling down at you right now in approval. hugs.
@rudyhou - thanks Rudy, I will be calling her this week to see if she got her results from the bone marrow tests. I hope it’ll be good.