June 18, 2013
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Creating Myself
I’ve been getting updates from my cousin sporadically. My aunt is still in ICU and my cousin isn’t able to get out that often to send emails. Today’s email wasn’t encouraging with just a glimmer of good news. Every email seems to be a roller coaster of emotions. If she gets better, she starts chemo immediately. All of this is opening up memories of my mom’s last few weeks in the hospitals. These are memories that I’ve buried and sealed. But now they are coming back. I had to catch myself several times today just to stop the emotions. What’s also eerie is timing, my mom went into the hospital almost to the exact day 8 years ago.
Between this, my dad and work – maybe life is trying to tell me that I need to pay more attention to living.
“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” George Bernard Shaw
Comments (21)
What an awful situation. Yes, gotta enjoy life and I hope life gives you a break soon.
@Roadlesstaken - I hope so too Alex.
@ElusiveWords - sorry to hear this Matt. Hope things get better for you!
That’s really tough, Matt. I know you’d like to do more to help. And about creating yourself, I guess this means you can do what you want with what you have. So what will that be?
There are so many platitudes about making life better. Stop for a momnet and listen to the universe, really listen. I find it usually has plenty to say to help me be me no matter.
Yeah life is so short man. A few deaths around us too recently…
i know the feeling of having memories suddenly flooding the present. i know your mother misses you very much.
Enjoying life these days is a rarity.
I am sure the flood of memories don’t help the situation much. I hope your aunt is able to tolerate the chemo very well, and that the lymphoma is not an acute kind. love and hugs to you love.
@XtremePsionic - Thanks Lucas, we’re all keeping her in our thoughts and prayers.@stepaside_loser - I can’t even fly out there immediately. I’m really struggling on what to do career wise.@Fatcat723 - thanks Rob, I think I’ll really need to sharpen up my listening skills.@yang1815 - I’m sorry to hear that Andy, are you & Sugi doing ok?@l0311879l - thanks MIchael, it’s hard to control these memories when they come rushing in.@KevEats - how do you enjoy life? @ZSA_MD - there’s been some internal bleeding which they stabilized but are keeping a very close eye on it.
@ElusiveWords - Jacquie makes my life livable.
@KevEats - this probably sounds corny, but I always smile when I see your profile picture with the 2 of you.
I’m not a fan of the term YOLO but it’s true. I hope everything gets better for you and your family.
E-mails are almost as good as a phone call. Good luck in balancing all the messages and work. It is good that you are being challenged. Taking charge of the problems is what adults do.
yes. i think you are right, matt. we do need to focus on the living. HUGS.
@oxyGENE_08 - what’s YOLO??
@rudyhou - thanks Rudy, appreciate the hug even if you’re thousand of miles away. YOLO is “you only live once”. As a reference for other terms / slangs, you can try http://www.urbandictionary.com.
@oxyGENE_08 - thanks Gene, I’m not a big fan of the term YOLO too. But it is literally true. I would hate to live my final years with lots of regrets.@PPhilip - ah – it would be nice to be a child again with all your problems taken care of, maybe for just one day.
@ElusiveWords - thanks for the explanation. i’m so way not with the times i have little clue to the meaning of many slangs or abbreviations, apart from LOL. this means i’m getting old
@rudyhou - Hehe you are not. You’re probably just living life more in real life than the internet. These new words (abbv) are born in the internet.
@ElusiveWords - O yeah. I tell u later.