writing

  • I write

    I write for a variety of reasons.

    I write because it feels good.  It’s more than just putting nouns,
    adjectives, verbs and adverbs together. 

    I write about things that amuse me so I can relive that
    experience again.  I usually end up with
    a silly grin on my face. 

    I write about things that scare me so I can put it proper
    perspective.  It doesn’t seem so scary
    when your fears are transformed into words. 

    I write about things that bewilder and confuse me.  Sometimes I can find the answer as I
    write. 

    I write about things that make me smile.  A kiss or a hug from a loved one, the
    laughter from a child, good food, those “aha” moments, flowers, the sun, art,
    books, my bf, my other friends and my family. 

    Sometimes I write about things that make me sad.  Writing can be cathartic but it doesn’t
    happen overnight.  Often the sun will
    rise and set many times before things sort themselves out. 

    There are also times when I want to write but nothing comes
    out.  I wish it was as easy
    procrastinating or watching TV.  But it
    isn’t.  It requires a certain amount of
    focus and discipline.  It’s something I
    still have to learn.

    I want to know what a writer’s soul is.  How is it that some people can write so
    easily?  Their words grab your
    imagination so tightly it’s impossible to be distracted.  Imagery and feelings are conjured up as the
    author starts a dialogue with your mind. 
    Their words fly through the barriers we put up and reach deep into our soul.
      This is what I want to do. 

  • Writing for Life

    “The sex was wonderful and satisfying.  I was exhausted and spent.  He rested his head on my shoulders and slept
    for awhile.  He woke up, and said he was
    hungry.  I joked “Well, you know what
    they say.   If you eat Chinese, you’ll be
    hungry in a few hours.”  It was one of
    the corniest jokes I’ve made.”  

    That was an excerpt from a story I wrote quite some time
    ago.  I was going through some of my
    files & stumbled across that old story. 
    I reread it and cringed at some of the grammar errors.  I almost started to rewrite it.  I also renewed acquaintances with a few
    partially written stories. Some of these just have a few points and ideas while
    others have a faint outline.   All of them are in a state of suspended
    animation.  Every so often, I’ll go back
    to them and add a few things here and there hoping some of them will germinate.  Tending a garden
    in a desert would probably be easier.  

    When I was in high school, almost all of my papers and essays had
    comments about my writing.  It needed improvement. 
    My teachers told me that my content was fine.  But I needed to improve my writing so I could
    get my points across.   I ignored them thinking that things would get
    better over time.  I barely tolerated
    English classes.  Shakespeare was
    boring.  Thomas Hardy was mind
    numbing.  I knew what Waiting for Godot
    felt like.  Alliteration, antagonist,
    plots, themes and their devious friends hounded me in every English class.  The only term that I, as a pimply faced teenager, thought I knew was
    climax.  Sadly, in literature, climax has
    a very different meaning.    

    During my first year of university, we all had to get tested
    for our English proficiency.  I yawned as
    I took the test.  I remember feeling
    annoyed at even taking this thing.  A few
    days later, I received an invitation to attend remedial writing classes.  This was the first of many humbling
    experiences at school.

    The English teacher was one of the best teachers I had.  She was very different than any of the
    English teachers in high school.  She didn’t
    make us feel ashamed.  I remember a lot
    of laughter and encouragement.  She
    taught us the basics and left it up to us to take it to the next level.  I wouldn’t say my writing dramatically
    improved.  I did enough to pass and got
    my degree.  For the longest time at work,
    writing was simply a chore – a means to an end. 

    When I started my Xanga, I slowly started to enjoy writing.  Some of the early writing lessons started to
    surface from the deep cavernous gaps in my brain.  Synapses that have long stopped firing
    started to fire again.  Words were more
    than tools.  Hunting down the right
    adjective or adverb became a small adventure. 
    Sentences could be reconstructed several times until it conveyed the
    mood and emotion I wanted.  I started to
    read about writing and have a better appreciation of what it takes to write well.  I feel I’ve only taken a few
    steps in this long journey.  Some of you
    are incredibly good writers and are well along this path.  You have left encouragements and tips for others like me to follow.  I continue to take tiny steps on this journey and dare to
    dream.  

    Oh, as for the first paragraph in this entry, I found that sex is an effective
    way of getting people to read your blogs. 
      

  • Just Write

    I fell asleep on the futon watching TV when I heard the fire
    alarm.  I grabbed some clothe and headed
    down the stairs with my neighbors.  It’s
    always interesting seeing my neighbors at this ungodly hour.  There’s always the cheery types (“Oh, it’s so
    good to see you again!”, the grumpy types (“What the hell has this place gone
    to?”, the curious types “Does this happen all the time?” , the folks with a
    fetish for firemen “Oh my god, I hope he rescues me when there’s a real
    fire!”  and the solitary type like me “Growl
    … leave me alone.”  Of course I forgot to
    bring my camera, laptop etc… down with me. 
    But then again, 90% of the residents just stayed in the building.  I spent most of the time outside getting some
    air and checking out shiny, chili red fire engines.  In the end, a couple of firemen retrieve a
    fan from the fire truck and went back into the condo.  When they gave us the all clear, I passed saw
    one of the units with the fan by the door airing it out.  I guess he just burnt something in the
    oven.    

    Unfortunately the little interruption at night meant that I
    didn’t fall asleep until about 4:30.  My
    day was pretty messed up.  I woke up, had
    breakfast, took a long nap and didn’t meet up with my bf until late afternoon. 

    The demons at work continue to wreck havoc with my
    life.  It hasn’t gotten worse but it
    hasn’t gotten better.  I haven’t been
    updating or commenting a lot but I do read your entries.  I
    find that I’m actually more stressed when I don’t write.  While I won’t say I’m addicted to it, I just
    can’t see myself not writing.  A week or
    two without writing and it’s worse than a week or two without eating rice.   I can
    just see KJ listening to all my excuses for not writing; he’ll probably just shake
    his head and tell me to just write.  And so I shall….  

  • Dreaming, writing and cooking

    I went to bed shortly after 11:00 and woke up shortly after midnight.  Sometimes when I’m really tired and exhausted – my body doesn’t want to sleep.  I’m sure my head will be drooping tomorrow as I struggle to keep awake while writing my reports.  So I did what I haven’t done in a while.  I rolled out of bed and wrote a bit.  I keep several files.  Some just contain a couple of sentences while others are better developed.  They are like little seedlings.  Every so often, I add a few words, prune some more, stare at it and hope for an inspiration. Lately though – not much has happened. 

    It’s not easy to write when you’re stressed.  The past few months at work haven’t been easy.  I find I write best when my mind is at ease.  It’s not something I can multi task in between reports, emails, presentations and chores.  I hope to find my “writer’s voice” soon.  I fantasize that someday, I’ll publish a book and doing the rounds of interviews and book signings.  My parents used to tease each other when they talk about winning the lottery.  My mom would say “Well, you better go to sleep early tonight.”  I asked her once what she meant.  My mom chuckled “If you go to sleep earlier, then you can start dreaming sooner.”   On that note,  I’m going to hit the sack.  And I hope to see some of you at my book signings – just don’t wake me up from my dream. 

    Here’s some food pics.  I’m still stuck on beef.  This time, it turned out to be very nice.  I picked a different cut of beef (sorry – can’t remember what it was but it was right beside the flank steak).  The meat was very soft when I cut into it.

    This is beef with string beans.  There’s some shallots, garlic and ginger as well as oyster sauce. 
                                                                                                                                                                                                                

    Beef in satay sauce with Udon noodles.  I added an onion, spring onions and ginger.  I rarely cook with satay sauce and used it sparingly.  I think I can add a bit more next time.  The dish was a bit oily though but it tasted fine.