May 31, 2009
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O Sleep, Sleep! wherefore art thou Sleep?
I have this love / hate relationship with sleep. It hasn’t come easily for me. By the time I hit the sack, my brain would put on a show. There’s drama, serious commentary, lots of thinking mixed in with worrying. My conscience would also take to stage as well taking advantage of the situation. I lie there, an audience of one, hostane to my brain. Sometimes I would get 4 to 5 hours of sleep. I try to ignore the show and read. It works every so often but the sleep isn’t a rich, deep sleep. By the time weekend rolls in, I can be exhausted. I also don’t sleep in well. Once I wake up – that’s pretty well it.
When I head off to my bf’s place in the weekend, sometimes I would take a nap in his bed with him curled up beside me. I’m sure he finds it a bit strange. I crave sleep druing the day and when night comes – it remains elusive. It’s a cruel game of playing hard to get. Some of my best sleeps have come in my futon. I would spend the first night there, wake up and trudge to my bed until the morning. It’s unconventional and I have no idea why it works. But it’s not a solution.
I took this past week off. I didn’t even turn on my laptop to check on email. Most people at work do that so there are no surprises when they go back to work. I know I’ll have to spend a few hours today preparing for next week. But this week I got some pretty good sleep – up to 8 hours. Yes, I can see the relationship. It’s not lost on me. I thought sleep was simple. I mean, you get rid of clutter in your room, keep it cool, dark… have a nice warm shower, a hot glass of milk, a bit of reading and voila… sleep arrives and carries you off to dreamland.
By coincidence I had an appointment a few days ago with my doctor. My doctor isn’t one that prescribes meds easily. Ironically some of the best naps I’ve had are in her waiting room. She laughs when I tell her that. But she listened attentively when I told her about my misadventures in sleeping. She gave me a prescription and answered all my questions about potential side effects. She also described some of the recent studies about sleep and depression.
Last night when I got home, I stared at the small bottle of pills. My brain started to come to life. I wanted to read, write and of course think. I took out one pill and was surprised how small it was. I swallowed it and went to bed. I was alseep in less than 40 minutes. When I woke up, I scrambled to look at the time. I was worried I slept the entire day away. Thankfully it was only 8:30.
It’s 12:10 in the afternoon now . My head still feels a bit heavy. I’ve finished 3 cups of tea so far. I don’t feel like doing my chores. I just feel a bit strange to join so many out there who take sleeping pills / aids. I never thought I would one day do this.
Comments (33)
Hope you are not planning to change your Xanga id to ElusiveSleep, hehe. I normally very lucky that when I go to bed, I falls asleep within a few minutes. One doctor mentioned that to improve sleep quality is to go to bed only for sleep or sex,
. I do not read in bed, or watch TV from bed. If I am not sleepy, I just went to the living room or do some reading at the desk. BTW it does not mean that I have not had sleep or sex while not in bed, wink, lol.
I go through bouts of insomnia so i can empathize. It’s perfectly ok to take the meds if it starts to disrupt your life (i usually end up taking double doses of over the counter stuff when i can’t sleep. If i had insurance i’d probably go to the doctor.) Getting a decent amount of rest does wonders on your emotions from the biological standpoint. If you’re dealing with depression getting sleep is that much more important. Most people dont stay on those type of meds and usually only take them as needed. Good luck and no worries!
@stevew918 - sometimes a good night sleep is worth more than a night of good sex.
@a_place2freely_scream - I’m lucky that we have public health insurance. I hope your bouts of insomnia are not frequent. Thank you for the comforting words.
I so get this post… I feel my brain is most active when I am lying on my bed trying to sleep. Anyway, I don’t care so much for the number of hours I have slept as long as I wake up energetic!
You really sure you need the pills? Won’t something else work better? I have a strong aversion to sleeping pills even though I have never taken one.
@Dezinerdreams - I’ve been dealing with this for years now and I don’t like taking pills. It’s hard to work and think after 4 hours of sleep every night. Anyways, I won’t be taking them every day – probably not during the weekday. It’s a very mild dosage and the doctor said I could even cut the pill in half if I wanted to.
i hear you… i try to avoid medication as much as possible, especially things like pills to help you get to sleep. but if your doctor thinks it is necessary and if it helps, then i think you should try it, at least for a bit. hopefully it won’t leave you feeling groggy for the rest of the day.
hopefully you get some much needed sleep!
@kunhuo42 - I’ve held off for this long. I feel a lot better now – back to normal. I can vary the dosage. At least I don’t have to take this everyday and at this dosage, it shouln’t be habit forming.
I stay away from bills also. Sex is a better remedy for sleep, hehe. One hour sex followed by 7 hour sleep each night would be fun and theraputic. Oops, TMI.
You must be my sleep twin. The best sleep I ever had was waking up from anesthesia in recovery and thinking,” Oh God that was the best I ever had…why are you waking me up?…And why am I in recovery…?”
@stevew918 - uhm… yeah sure Dr. Steve. lol…
@macphoto - oh my! I’ve never heard that one before. I can imagine you being a bit ticked off at being woken up.
Sorry to hear about your sleeping problems. There are fewer cures to whatever ails you than a good night’s sleep, and when what ails you is the lack of sleep then there isn’t really a good answer. It sounds like you are really cautious about taking medication, so I guess we can rest assured that you won’t become a pill-popping fiend like, say, Rush Limbaugh. =)
Seriously, though, I hope you are able to get some rest. I trust you’ve considered other factors – diet, exercise, meditation, etc?
@christao408 - Yeah, I’m being very careful with the meds. The only thing I haven’t tried is meditation.
i think you need a getaway from the hectic life…go enjoy your holiday =p or you still need to show me around when i go visit you someday ya! i think average 6hrs of sleep is enough…i used to sleep for 6hrs when i worked in singapore last year =p please never take pills, Matt
after reading, I feel I”m really blessed that I can have good sleep every night…I hope you will find the best way to cure the sleeping problem without the pills…..
Sleep is a waste of time!! Why do you think there’s coffee….and red bull? =D
Are you depressed?
Some of the symptoms could be loss of sleep or sleeping a lot…
I have very difficult time falling asleep on my own. My mind goes through the same routine as you do.
Sometimes I have to try really hard to turn off the thoughts, and as I get to the brink of falling asleep, the mind races once again.
It’s a bit magical when I started sleeping next to the boyfriend. For some reason I fall asleep within 5 minutes when he’s next to me.
He doesn’t believe it when I can’t fall asleep when he’s not near by.
Mattie, instead of going to prescription sleep aids right away, why don’t you try some otc pills like Advil PM or Tylenol PM? They do work and do not make you feel groggy in the morning.
You don’t watch tv at night all the way till you sleep do you? I hope not.That will keep your brain working for a long time even after you’ve swiched the tv off.
Read something unsavory or an unspicy book in bed. I am serious. Got to play these games with your brain darling.
(touch wood) gosh, I’m so lucky … I’ve no problems sleeping as G can rightly attest to
@lcfu - I don’t like taking a lot of pills. My doctor also doesn’t like to freely prescribe pills too which is one of the reasons I chose her. These are just last resort to break the cycle of sleeplessness. It’s tough to function on 4 hours of sleep every night. I do appreciate your concern.
@agmhkg - the pills are there as a last resort. I won’t be taking it every night. For someone who travels across time zones for your job, I think it’s great you found a way to adapt.
@caihwei - ai ya… on bad days, I drink a couple of cups of coffee in the morning to get me going.
@Wangium - I don’t believe I am depressed. I think I have to find a way to relax my mind an hour or so before bedtime. Maybe one of the reasons is that I bring a lot of work home. It’s interesting you can fall asleep so easily with your bf beside you. Maybe it’s that feeling of security and comfort.
@ZSA_MD - I bring a lot of work home and sometimes work late. A lot of my colleagues do the same thing too. I usually can send an email at night and get a response from some people. Anyways… I think that’s contributing to this problem. I won’t be taking these on a regular basis (definitely not during a weekday). I’ll check out the other meds too. Thanks for your concern and looking out for me – much appreciated.
@AppsScraps - oh I envy people like you.
Hm, I kept forgetting to mention…
Some people could only fall asleep when they’ve fulfilled certain conditions, and they didn’t realize it for years.
One of my friend needs to wrap his head (except the face) with the blanket, to keep his head warm.
Have you noticed that about yourself?
Interesting. Sleeping pills. They seem to work from your post. Good luck with them.
has it got to do with your job? is it really stresful?
i have plenty of time to sleep most of the time, but i don’t take advantage of it.
however, my friends and i recently watched a sleep documentary on tv, so now we’re trying harder to sleep earlier, so i’m putting more effort into it.
I tend to slee a lot less then what I feel I should.
Much like you, I enjoy the occassional nap when I can fit it in, just
to catch up. The weekends though, I am usually able to allow myself
to sleep in. But my mind races too, many many thoughts. Ugh.. can
drive me crazy.
I hope you’re finding some relief.
*~matthew~*
too much tea? is it decaf?
@Wangium - hmm… not really. I may sleep on my stomach and then side. My preference is usually sleeping on my right side.
@stepaside_loser - the workload and deadlines can be stressful.
@mmmagination - I’ve only tried one – it seemed to help.
@bleuzeus - I think naps are an excellent idea. I wish I could somehow fit in a nap during the workday. Have a great week.
@ABSOLUTmichael - I try not to drink coffee in the afternoon. I do have some green tea but not in the late afternoon.
speaking of sleep, i’m exhausted! whole day of studying with friends. i’m not going to nap and hopefully that means i’ll sleep early and have a good refreshing time waking up!
believe me, you’re not the only one who’s having a love/hate relationship with sleep. i used to have a major problem in falling asleep but now a days the sleep thing seems to be more forgiving. i still do have a problem in falling asleep at night (i can sleep easily during the day). usually it takes me an hour or so, and on a good day i’m out within maybe a half hour. but i almost never asleep the entire evening. i always wake up once or twice with the need to visit the bathroom or at least drink some water to get rid off the dryness in my throat. my friends say that i think too much. maybe so, but i have no idea how to switch off my brain from functioning non-stop even when i’m exhausted. i have never taken any sleeping pills nor do i plan to do so. but maybe i should start considering it…
Don’t worry about taking the pills my friend. That will just make you more of an insomniac. Just get the good rest you deserve and need.
I think I will have a blog response to yours. ^^
stay tuned ^^
I tried those one and slept walked! Never again.
Though it sucks not sleeping…
Elusive words…and slumber.
Hope you’re working out the sleep issue…I know I suffer from the same dilemma…good luck…’til the next
@stepaside_loser - I love naps but sometimes I’ll overdo them and it wrecks my sleeping patterns.
@rudyhou - I dread waking up in the middle of the night. That seems to be the lesser problem compared to falling asleep.
@brooklyn2028 - yeah… I’ll likely save them for Saturday nights and leave my Sunday mornings to recover from any lingering effects.
@ZenPaper - I enjoyed your story. I hope to see you writing more stories like that.
@CareyGLY - well, there’s always Xanga to read I guess….
@GracePrince - I have good nights too – just need to have more of them. I hope things are going well with you.