October 1, 2009
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Wats wrong with dis?
From time to time, I review and comment on proposals before they are sent to potential customers. I've seen some very talented sales folks who can make a proposal come to life and inspire confidence. Then there are some sales folks who are just horrible at writing. My job is not to pick out grammar errors, typos and style problems. If I have time, I'll point it out and recommend that they change it. Here are a couple of examples (I've changed the wording to protect my company).
1. This sales guy was addicted to commas and semicolons. When I saw his proposal, I got very, very, tired of reading it. He just filled all his paragraphs with commas, and semicolons; I didn't think it would end, and it just went on, and on, until he got tired of typing. It was so difficult, and laborious, to read his work.
I told him it needed a lot more proofreading and wordsmithing. He didn't bother changing it and told me he was very proud of his writing style.
2. What's wrong with this sentence? "One of our basic, fundamental and core tenant is excellent service." I told him the correct word is tenet not tenant. He could even remove some of the redundant words.
3. "The following are prerequisites for Phase 2 of the project. These need to be completed before we can commence Phase 2" I told the sales guy the second sentence can be removed. He was repeating himself. He told me he wanted to tell the client that the prerequisites need to be done otherwise the customer cannot commence the second phase of the project. I winced and said by definition, that's what "prerequisite" mean.
I'm not a picky editor and a lot of my writing have grammar mistakes. But some of these errors aren't that hard to catch. Maybe I'm just too fussy sometimes. I don't edit my "raw" entries anymore. I'm sure you folks will have fun finding grammar errors - how ironic.
Comments (22)
I am like this too with my websites. I edit out redundancy and fix vocabulary. My grammar isn't perfect but I find it fun to get things right -- cut, cut, and cut some more! Of course, what might be obvious to you might not be to others. Some people just aren't wired to write well yet can charm the pants off you verbally.
You edit? Can we be best friends? Editing is one of my favorite things to do in life. I got a deegree in linguistics just so I could learn how to edit better. I've edited doctorate theses and a textbook. Editing = wordsex. hoooot.
<3
This guy must be a good Bullshitter and word filler to complete his 5000 word essay back in University.
I'm studying FUNDRAISING.. and everything is about how to phrase it!
I suppose language in the end is the most powerful tool one can acquire in life! ^^
I never leave the house without a red pen in my pocked
it's good of you to point out their writing flaws - gosh, you have me backtracking my words and sentence structure here. i think if you tell them nicely, they should thank you for pointing it out.
sometimes when i blog, i don't bother with the flow of my writing and the redundancy of words and sentences. i'm simply lazy. however, i hope if my writing becomes a chore to read, you'd let me know. i'm fine with criticism!
@dynamiqvision - very true. I get a kick out of editing sometimes (maybe I just feel like my former English teachers who used a lot of red ink on my papers). btw - everything in The Awesomer reads well. It's breezy, catchy, descriptive humorous and concise.
@secade - I don't really edit. My grammar is not the greatest. I just point out a few things here and there. It can be fun editing though. I'm not sure if I would call it word sex. hahaha If I ever write a book, I'll look you up.
@inchyguy - hahaha - I think so!
@ZenPaper - fundraising is sales! You gotta get people to part with their money and feel good about it.
@CareyGLY - hahahaha... we actually call our editing sessions "red pen review"
@stepaside_loser - blogs are different - there's a lot more informality. But there are also people who are serious bloggers and might do this for a living. I think they check and recheck their work for accuracy and grammar. (well, I would like to think that they do.)
Okay, I do have a red pen out of habit. I always told people to say what they mean as concisely as possible and clearly as possible. They were also told to mean what they say. I prefer to read a short proposal rather than a short story!!
#2 should be plural too.
Grammatical errors and typos frustrate me!!!
And now you know why I sent you that request...
@ElusiveWords - wooooooooooooord sex
they even reproduce sometimes- word smithing!
I always try my best to write short and precise sentences, because I was taught "Simple English is the best English". Right? LOL
Grammatical mistakes in proposals that are going to be sent to a customer are not very professional looking!
Having the wrong kind of attitude when someone is trying to help you by correcting something, is not going to get him too far in his aspirations for a good position in the job market.
I am the guy to go to when friends are having their project or paper due for proofread. I can honestly say I've seen some really bad writings before.
i have terrible grammar
in my blogs
in school
eveerywhere
lol i so i should not even comment here
@CurryPuffy - I've always believed in keeping it simple too.
@TheCheshireGrins - I agree! I just wished I knew all the grammar rules.
@ZSA_MD - yeah, I think this person just wanted to get it out the door and didn't really care about the quality of the work.
@Nickolaj - oh yeah, I remember you wrote a few times about that.
@fallinggXstarr - hahaha - don't worry about the grammar in your blogs. We each have our own style and formality in our blogs (school papers are different though). Thanks for dropping by.
I think I am one of those who have tons of grammatical mistakes and typos while typing.....sorry, I don't speak or wirte English, but Hong-lish.....
and I am to eager to click the Submit button......
That's why my job does not need me to write or type......
I'm glad you pointed out some of the errors because anything that goes out to clients reflects on the company as a whole. I get annoyed with long-winded emails. It should be kept short and simple, or else an email may not be the best medium of communication.
@agmhkg - your English is a lot better than my Chinese (your singing is also a lot better than my singing too).
@mmmagination - short and simple will go a long way.
@ElusiveWords - tks dear....
It's interesting to read something that someone who seems
rather smart has written only to find your self wincing at
the structure. I personally have no room to talk,
writing really isn't my strong suit.
Be well,
*~matthew~*
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