January 28, 2010
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Aging father
It’s tough watching dad age. He took a tumble the other day as we were walking from the parking lot to the restaurant. He uses a cane but despises it. He waves me off when I walk beside him and prefers to stay a couple of steps behind. I slow down and he’ll slow down. So far it’s been uneventful until the other day. His foot caught on the edge of the curb and he fell. I grabbed at him but it was too late already.
He shrugged it off as if nothing happened. Throughout dinner I asked if he was fine and he said he was. He had a couple of scratches. I checked with him a few days afterwards and he said there’s no pain anywhere except his fingers are a bit stiff. He reluctantly allows me to walk beside him now. When I was checking his hands the other day, his fingers were gnarled – just like mom’s was. But he says there’s no arthritic pain. I don’t believe him and wishes he wasn’t so stoic about it.
His appetite wasn’t there when we had dinner the other night. But it was the most he ate in several days. After I got home from work yesterday, I made a minced beef with salted preserved vegetable, ginger and oyster sauce that was steamed over rice. I took it over so he had some home cooked food the next day. He seemed tired and was getting ready to sleep.
Anyways… I’m just venting.
Comments (30)
Well it is possible that gnarled fingers aren’t painful.
It is not very pleasant to see one’s parents aging…
=/ . You’re a good son.
Not everyone is good to his/her aging father. I salute you. Enjoy every opportunity you have to be able to help him. We can’t repay our parents for all the good things they have done to us when we were little. Thanks for this touching post. I remember my dad and my mom. They’re both gone now. Anyway, their memory shall remain etched in my heat.
As difficult as it is, and as it will be, be thankful that you have the opportunity to be there and love them through their obstinance and pride.
He’s lucky to have you as his son.
Regarding the stoicism, remember what you wrote and keep it tucked away in the back of your mind for when you get older. All of us would make it easier on those who care for us if we’d be a little less stoic, a little less prideful, and a little more willing to accept a helping hand.
Hang in there Matt. I know it is a tough journey.
don’t you get comments from people you know and don’t know like you are now like your dad, is that you, (dad’s name)? or you’re (dad’s name)’s son, aren’t you?
i get them… a lot.
You are great son, and I know deep down he appreciates. BTW, my mom is just as stubbourn as your dad in terms not accepting getting old.
I am getting into that age range. Actually the gnarled hands may not hurt. It is good to hear a son taking care of his parents. You are a good example, Matt. Hang in there.
watching parents age is hard. it sounds like you are a very good son, though, to take care of your dad. it’s too bad not all children treat their parents as well as you do.
That’s so hard. I’m glad that for the most part, he seems to be alright.
It takes a lot of love and patience to help care for one’s parents. As you mention one of the biggest challenges is for them, especially men, to be more willing to admit they need help. I’d personally hate losing my independence and feeling like a burden to others but I think I’d be mature enough to be more cooperative than my grandparents.
I also think I developed a paranoia whenever I think an elderly person my trip or slip and fall. I’d keep an eye out for my grandparents whenever they’d be near me to help out or prevent a fall.
Aww. It is always hard watching people you love age. You are being a good child to your father for doing these things.
I am not looking forward to this with my dad, because he’s my hero.
How old is he?
I see the same in my dad now too. It concerns me very much.
I think I learned to voice anything that is troubling me to the loved ones from this entry. I have always thought of keeping it to myself and not trouble anyone with my pain was the best thing. Now I know otherwise and how it affects the others. :-
Matt, whenever you blogged about events like these regarding your dad, I have pretty much the same feelings as well. My dad walks very slow nowadays, and I had suggested getting him a walking stick or umbrella (which he politely refused) on my last visit. I’m worried about what if he missed a step, or concerned about his appetitie, etc. Well, I’m not as lucky as you are, where I don’t see him often. As you know, I live halfway around the world from my parents!
I truly ache for you Matt. It has to be so hard for you to watch him age…..and then see him fall. Hang in there love, you are a son any parent would be proud to have!
I feel for you too. I’m going through a similar thing with my aunt now. Ever since my Uncle died a few months ago, she hasn’t been the same. They were married for 60 years, so it’s certainly understandable. I know I’ve said this before, but you’re a good son.
I can’t imagine going through this with my father. Hang in there, Matt *big hug*
@yang1815 - I spoke to him today, one of his fingers still hurt but he doesn’t want to see a doctor. I’ll have to keep an eye on it to see if it heals or not.
@Roadlesstaken - thanks Alex.
@Norcani - thank you, what I do for him seems to pale in comparison to what he has done for me though.
@secade - I agree… it was tough watching cancer take my mom a few years ago. I just want to make sure he’s as comfortable as possible.
@JL789 - thank you, I’m fortunate to have him as my father too.
@christao408 - I think I’m gonna be a stubborn old goat … hahaha. I’ll hang tough… thank you Chris.
@Renatojr3 - you do? Well, we don’t have a lot of relatives here – so maybe that’s one reason why we don’t get those comments.
@stevew918 - On one hand, I like his sense of independence. But I wish he would be a little less stubborn. I was walking with him today and he waved me off but he would reach out to me before going up the curb or down the curb. I guess he’s slowly adjusting. I hope your mom gets a little less stubborn over time Steve… I think you just have to be “politely relentless”.
@Fatcat723 - thanks Rob. He did tell me today one of the fingers hurt so I’m going to have to keep an eye on it.
@kunhuo42 - I try to do what I can. I just feel pulled in so many directions sometimes. Thanks for the compliment Aaron.
@TheCheshireGrins - yeah, he ate ok at lunch today (dimsum). I just need to keep a close eye on him.
@TheLatinObserver - he still waves me off when I walk beside him but today he reached out when we had to navigate over a couple of curbs. The parking lot was also not flat so he let me hold him a bit. He truly hates to be a burden – I keep telling him that I can take him for his errands but he prefers to do all that stuff by himself.
@xjadersx - I’m glad your dad is your hero. Well, you still have time to prepare for it.
@arenadi - dad is in his mid 80′s now. How old is your dad?
@Wangium - I’ll probably end up like him and don’t want to trouble anyone.
@CurryPuffy - Gary – I always remember you and your brother’s situation whenever I talk about my dad. I’m lucky to live 25 mins away. Just keep working on your dad – maybe a bit of humor will help. If he’s like my dad, he’ll hate anything that sounds like nagging. What if you purchased a cane and ship it to him? When I want my dad to bring his cane, he just says “I don’t need it.” But I just tell him, “I know you don’t… but bring it along just in case.”
@ZSA_MD - thank you Zakiah … he must have felt the same when I was a clumsy toddler. Although younger bones and body heal faster.
@CareyGLY - thanks Carey… I think it’s great that you spend time with your aunt too. Perhaps she needs some grief counselling? My dad flatly turned that down when mom passed away. I still bring it up from time to time.
@Rm2046 - thank you… appreciate it.
@ElusiveWords - Whoa, much older than mine. Mine is 65. Your dad is still up and about in his 80′s? Daaaaamn.
@ElusiveWords - Hope it heals soon!
it says a lot about your father in the way that YOU love and care for him. you’re lucky to have each other. my father passed at 57, and wow, i would just about give my left arm to be able to have a meal with him. treasure your time with him, as you already are. =)
it’s great that you have such a good relationship with your dad…i wish i were as good a son as you are!
Matt, I know all too well where you are coming from. My parents are both in their ’80′s. Mom is well off into the mists of Alzheimer’s / Dementia. Short term memory? What’s that? Dad insists on continuing to work. In addition to prior health issues, he had a bout with cancer in ’08 and has been having endocrine / electrolite balance, etc. issues lately. Having to have those “act your age” discussions with him. Not something I ever wanted to do. I am the only surviving child, and the next closest family is 1,600 miles away. You get the picture. Just be thankful that your dad is holding together as well as he is. Take care.
I’m glad he allows you to help him a bit more while walking now. Very nice of you to cook him stuff for home.
@caki730 - I am sorry about your dad and feel for you. I certainly will treasure the remaining time I have with my dad.
@onmovement - I’m not sure if I’m that great of a son. I just wish I could do more. What’s your relationship like with your dad?
@Toro69 - oh my… I hope you’re coping with all of this. The pressure and strain must be tough. My dad’s memory is also getting worse and worse. Dementia / Alzheimers – I can’t believe how cruel this disease is. You hang in there. *hugs*
@ElusiveWords - it’s pretty much non-existent…i mean, i see him, but we don’t talk…but to give you an idea of how i feel about this, even with the way it is, it’s still better than what it used to be…
wow… such a good son you are!! what a shame fufu, he never made something to his family before!! ><
Matt, Yes, it is a lot of work and has short circuited a lot of things in my life over the last few years. I am just thankful I still have both of them and that they are doing as well as they are. Sometimes in life, you play the hand you’re dealt. Take care, Matt.