February 9, 2012

• Just Another Night

  I crawled into bed after a long day and closed my eyes.  Before I could even turn off the lights, she showed up again.  I could feel the mattress shift as she got on the bed.  Her breath smelled of stale beer and coffee.  She leaned over and whispered into my ear “Are you trying to get some sleep?”  I rolled over to the other side hoping to ignore her.  She climbed over me “Mattie – are you playing hard to get?”  I gave her a shove and reached for a book.  But she won’t go away “Aww are you ignoring me?  What are you reading?  Is it interesting?  Or is it boring?  Like you perhaps?”  I glared at her. 

  “So Matt, what would you like to discuss with me?”  I can chat for hours.”  I drew a deep breath and muttered “Why don’t you just leave me alone.  Why the hell are you attracted to me?”  This time that girlish voice turned serious. “I’m a sucker for guys like you.  I’ve got lots of time to spend with you.  Why don’t we go over all those things you need to do at work.  Tsk tsk… I don’t know how you’ll ever get all that work done.”  I cringed and thought about the crap that I have to go through every day.  By the end of each day I have to unclench my jaw. “I can handle work – it’s not a problem.”  “Oh really Matt?  You’re good at what you do but it doesn’t excite you.  Do you really feel motivated?  How’s the job security?  You must be worried.”  I stared back at her and said “If they lay me off, they’ll be doing me a favour.  At least I’ll get some severance.” 

  She nodded in agreement.  “And what will you do with that free time?  Oh right… you’re the filial son.  You’re going to look after your dad.  That’s so admirable.”  I looked away.  But she chuckled, put her finger on my chin and pulled my head back to face her.  “That’s a cheap shot isn’t it?  How do you handle the guilt of not looking after your dad as you try to balance work… in a job you don’t like?”  I clenched my fist and yelled  “Why don’t you go f*ck yourself and leave me alone.”  She sneered at me and laughed.  “Oh Mattie – you’re so adorable when you’re angry.  What sex toys do you have in your bedroom that I can use to f*ck myself with?” 

  I stormed out of bed, went to the living room and turned on the TV.  In a moment, the late night sports channel was showing the Top 10 highlights of the evening.  At least TV can be mind numbing.  But as I was getting comfortable, she walked in front of the TV and stood there.  I tried to peer around her.  “Get out of the way!”  But she reached over and grabbed the remote control.  “We have so much to chat about.  Relationships, sexual hangups, health issues, friends, lack of friends, money, major purchases, career goals, life goals, … oh the list is just endless!”  I walked to the kitchen to grab some water.  But I could feel her following me.  I heard a rattling noise and turned around.  “Are you looking for your meds?”  She had them in her hands and was rattling the medicine bottle.  “Here – catch!”  She tossed it at me and I lunged for it.  It was almost empty.  I took a tablet and gulped it down with some water.  She reached over to me and grabbed me gently from behind.  “You can’t ignore me forever.”  I stared into her eyes.  It was filled with pain and angst.  I almost felt sorry for her. She whispered “I can keep you company until the pills take effect. Besides, you’ll have to get up in a couple of hours.”

  She lived up to her words.  She kept filling my heads with many thoughts and stirred them around and around.  I slowly fell asleep in her arms. 

  • 12:11 AM
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