March 26, 2012
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Need to Cope
It’s pretty rough right now at work. Every so often things get pretty stressful and my mgm’t team gets on my case. I worked over the weekend to try and catch up. Alas, there just aren’t enough hours during the day. I finished my last meeting today after 10PM… on a Sunday night. I have to constantly remind myself not to get too stressed out. Work doesn’t define who I am. Even if my management team doesn’t acknowledge any of my contributions, I have good team members that see it.
There are many others who have it worse than I do. I dig deep into the grave yard of my memory and see other awful work experiences. I’ve survived those and I’ll find a way to survive these and the ones to come. But I also recognize I have my limits.
Today as I was helping dad out the door for our Sunday dinner, my sister wanted us to wait for the washing machine to finish. I ask her how much longer. She tells me she just started. I grit my teeth and tell her impatiently that I have a meeting tonight. We need to get going so I can call in on time. She muttered something and turned off the washing machine. During dinner, dad was quieter than usual. But he’s always quiet when my sister is around. I ordered enough food to fill our small table. He told me earlier he only had a light lunch and was hungry. Yet he barely touched his rice and nibbled on some food. I’m a fast eater so I always finish before him. But tonight, it was his turn to wait for me to finish. He insisted on getting the bill and I wasn’t about to argue. As we left I realized why he didn’t eat that much. He didn’t want to hold me up from my meeting.
Between guilt and stress, I’m sure I’ll wither away soon.
Comments (22)
You need to catch a break.
Not guilty! If your dad chooses not to eat, it was his choice. Even though you confronted your sister about the washing machine, it was your dad’s choice to not eat — he could have eaten rather than nibbling on his food. Do take some time now and then to take a deep breath and enjoy the weather or whatever!
Don’t feel guilty. Parent’s tend to make sacrifices for us. It’s their “job” and sometimes they do it willingly.
After rain there follows sunshine. I hope you see the sun soon.
Parents make the sweetest and funniest sacrifices. Sometimes I feel my mom and my sense of common sense is totally not in sync. Appreciate it, guilt free
Jeebus, Matt – that is an insane work week. Gosh. I’m not surprised that it’ll get up your nerves – I’d go mental.
Must be nice to have a loving father. No need for guilt, he could have eaten more.
Breathe deep man, and stay strong.
Matt, you do not force your Dad to do anything which you know by now. You have been and continue to be a good son.
Somebody needs a nice, relaxing day at the spa!
sounds like you need a vacation or a spa day
I think we are near the end of the first quarter and starting the second quarter, that’s probably why it’s extra stressful at work? Have you thought about taking a short vacation?
@oxyGENE_08 - I could sure use a few breaks.
@slmret - I like your judgment.
@beowulf222 - I can’t wait for the sunshine. It’s like monsoon season right now. Thank you for the words of encouragement.
@youngvan - it’s tough not to feel guilty a lot of times but I’m going to try. Thanks for the advice.
@stepaside_loser - there are days when I feel an anxiety attack / panic attack. That’s when I really have to be careful and regroup.
@Bricker59 - amen to those wise words – I’ll stay strong.
@Fatcat723 - I know I didn’t purposely force him. I just didn’t want guilt to drive him to eat less. I always try to be a good son, I guess I just need affirmation from time to time.
@Roadlesstaken - a spa day … hmm. I’ll have to wait a bit longer until this dark cloud from work passes. Hopefully that will be in a month or so.
@icebladz - a vacation would be nice. But it’s hard to get away from looking after my dad.
@CurryPuffy - it’s partly poor financial results and incredible work pressures on delivering the contracts that have been signed. IT is very competitive as you know and there are so many nimble, cheap and small competitors out there. It’s hard to take some vacation time and get away from looking after dad. Maybe a short get away would be good but I would have to make sure my siblings are ok with it.
Don’t feel guilty Matt. I am sure you packed some of the stuff that was not eaten and taken home to your dad. He will eat that. Your sister should have been more appreciative of what you do.
Take it easy Mattie. Go for a walk. Breathe deep in and out.
i think he was just not in the mood to eat. older people often times tend to loose their appetite for food. i’m sure it had nothing to do with you. even IF he did make the decision to finish early so not to make you late, he decided to do it on his own and that’s because he cares about you. you’ve been a very good son and he knows it.
You sound so stressed! Please take a break.
I know where you live now: somewhere between a rock and a hard place.
Hang in there!
sounds like you were between a rock and a hard place. these kinds of situations always drain me too :/
You really need a vacation… but at the same time it’s hard to peel yourself away with so much work going on. Try to make sure that you do take some alone time, whether it’s just a quick brisk walk outside or marching up and down the hallway at work. Smile, be positive, know that you’re busy and being demanded of because you’re valuable to the team and are doing really tangible things.
Your dad will be happy if you are. Try not to bring work home with you (that’s something I’ve only recently learned the hard way).
It’s always hard to balance work with family. In your case, it’s even more so…
Very good son and I hope you can find some time to unwind for yourself.
Sigh, the “confrontation” with your sister sounds just horrible. It’s those small things that add up and push us to the breaking point when we’re already having a shitty day. Don’t feel guilty about the dinner. Parents will always sacrifice for their children and you are always sacrificing for your dad so don’t think about it too much. Hope you are doing better, I know this post is a bit old…I’m catching up…
@ZSA_MD - I try to take deep breathes and a quick walk during breaks at work. Sorry for the delay in responding, Zakiah. I’ve fallen so far behind in my Xanga.
@rudyhou - he ate well tonight Rudy (which is always a relief for me). I know he is grateful. I just always have this nagging feeling that I could do more. Sorry for the delay in responding, I’m just catching up on my backlog of entries and comments.
@christao408 - hahaha – you’re right Chris. I think in times like these I count my blessings and I’m grateful for your friendship and support. My apologies for the tardy response, I’m just getting caught up.
@Devilzgaysianboi - thanks for the understanding Kevin, it is pretty stressful and I have to remind myself not to take these things personally. Sorry for the delay in responding to your comments – I’m so far behind in my blog.
@sturslug - thank you for dropping by, I think you’re going through some stressful times too and I hope things will soon go well for you.
@paperblanks - I appreciate all the great advice Dan. I think I’m going to have some reminders posted on my desk. As for taking work home – alas, that’s why the company issued us laptops. I am so far behind in my Xanga – apologies for the late response here.
@yang1815 - hey Andy… I’m finally getting to all these comments… sorry for the delay. Thanks for the compliment. I do need to find a way to take a break without feeling guilty.
@brooklyn2028 - thanks Sheldon for the comforting words. My sister is a type A personality and I’m not really like that. She’s better lately. But you’re right, sometimes these small things are so annoying.
@ElusiveWords - no need to apologize. i don’t expect you to be in front of your computer 24-7 to be on xanga. we all have a life to live and to worry about.