March 21, 2013
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Stand Tall
Thinking and writing about work makes me depressed. I do think I need a different way of managing my manager. Tips, suggestions and advice are welcomed.
Although I am going through a difficult time at work, I remembered when I worked for another manager that was just as bad – if not worse. I also think of all the crap my dad had to deal with when he first moved here. The jobs he got were not what he was used to. He was always told he didn’t have enough Canadian experience. He had his share of being unemployed while figuring out how to keep a roof over our heads, feeding us and paying the bills. I can’t imagine the stress and anxiety he and mom must have gone through. The crap I go through now pales in comparison to what they went through. Now I understand why my dad had a lot of problems sleeping. He would always be up late reading. I’m sure he was trying to forget his troubles and calm his mind.
My cousin who recently transferred to San Fran is also working really long hours (up to 80 hrs / week). I don’t know how he does it but I know he runs (I don’t). I hope work starts to slow down soon for him. It would be nice to chat with him again.
I would also be remiss if I didn’t mention how appreciative I am of my friends here. Thank you all.
Comments (27)
I have to say, Xanga is nice. There are a lot of nice people here like you. Even though we don’t really see face to face, it’s nice to know someone out there cares enough to spend a few minutes here and there, read what you have to write, and write back!
About finding new work, I’m not so sure about the passion thing. It depends on the stage of life you’re in I guess. Chasing passion is great when you have nothing to lose, like when you have no one to feed, no one to be responsible for, or when your basic needs are all met and you can afford to essentially work for fun/for free.
Not everyone is a great business person, and I think that’s what chasing passions might make someone forget. You might be hard working and good at what you do, but it takes an all round package of knowing how to market, knowing the right people, willing to spend time to build connections, research and do what you love. All that needs to be there.
Failing that, I always think it’s best to find a job or a line of work that gives you the most $/hr. This buys you options down the road, this buys you freedom in other ways that you might not think of today.
Learning to manage your manager is an important skill. Can you share a bit more (or offline, if you prefer) about the types of challenges you are having with your manager?
Keep your head up man. Work is always a bear, but I hope you and your manager ease the tension soon.
Aww…Matt, I hope once the economy starts to get better, it’ll be light at the end of tunnel for you. I was talking with a real estate agent today, and he agrees that the economy has been coming back lately. So, hang in there!
Unfortunately, we are hearing this type of comment more and more as the country adjusts to the new reality of leaner, meaner companies. The companies here reacted to the downturn a few years ago by trimming staff and expecting more work from everybody for the same pay. Now that things are better, the companies see that they can expect more work from their employees, and it will take a while before they understand that they have reached their limits! It’s sad that it may take a while for this cycle to run its course, but hopefully it will return to a better normal for you sooner than later.
I have my own and different work issues (probably mild compared to yours) but what I came to realize is along the lines of what Chris said. It’s more about managing one’s own emotions and “managing my manager”. I am far from mastering all of what I just wrote but the little I am able to do has helped me. At least, it helped to feel less angry outside of office.
Getting along with a manager is similar to getting along with co workers. Basically you should jot down some of your problems with your manager and meditate on what happened and how it could have been avoided. A record and a witness would be great to have so that if things are too unbearable you will have evidence of your trials with your manager. XtremePsionic is also telling you how to learn to network. If you get along with someone, that person could be a future source of input and future jobs. If you just be friendly to everyone you also increase your chances of getting more options.
If you do have a resume ready, I could tell you where to submit it, my friend works at an employment agency and it would not hurt for him to tell you of work options here in Los Angeles.
One of the things you may want to do is to make an appointment with your manager and talk (if he’s even willing) – ask him what he expects from you and how you can go about performing at your best. I’m sorry you’re stressed and exhausted. I had a job like that too and it just didn’t fit my personality.
Managing the manager is very important and difficult to learn. Judging mood and temperment of the day, etc.
Matt, you have to find a way to get back to a sane schedule. You are running yourself into the ground with this sh*t. Not good. Been there and done that. Find time for your Dad. You will really kick yourself when he is gone if you don’t. Not quite sure what I can do to help, but if there is anything I can do, I’ve got your back. Hang in there my friend.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-a2ZOqPeS70
Can you sit down with the manager and talk to him one on one? The fact that you understand and recognize what your parents went through, and what a lot of other people are going through, has to make you feel that all is not dark and dismal.
Love you Mattie, and I think of you a lot and hope that you wake up one day and smile and say, this is a beautiful life!
we’re all pulling for you Matt. be well!
I got my exit!
Yay!I am going to school.Woohoo!
Managing the manager? I have lots to learn about being a ‘manager’…it’s a tough world to be in tbh. Sometimes I wish I’m back to being an individual contributor.
Sorry to hear you’re going through a hard time. I hope this is only a phase and things will get better for you soon.
@XtremePsionic - thanks for the compliment Lucas, there are lots of nice folks here and very supportive too. I count you as one of them. I’ve been thinking about what you wrote. I’m not an entrepreneur type who can market myself or my products. I’m more laid back. I remember reading an article about talented and creative folks (artists, painters, writers, photographers, …) fail because they aren’t able to sell themselves and their products. It’s a very different skill set. I still have to live and pay my bills. I’m looking internally as well although with so many jobs being outsourced, that’s also getting tricky.
@christao408 - thanks for the offer Chris. I used to have pretty good managers and my working style & communication style meshed nicely. Let me sort out the issues as I have to separate my emotions and I’ll reach out to you.
@justpixels - I really hope the tension decreases soon. It’s been very difficult.
@CurryPuffy - I like to think there is light at the end of the tunnel too Gary. I’ll hang in there – just send me more food porn pls.
HI Matt,
It’s your cousin in SF. I miss our chats too and I know it’s been quite some time since we spoke or Skype. I know work has been getting to you and it’s not only just the amount of work you have to do, but also your boss that you have to deal with as well. For what it is worth, my two cents of wisdom, you need to take a break even if it is a short one or a weekend. Sometimes what I do is go to a nice hotel in the city for an overnight (I call it “me time”) and do nothing but relax – watch TV (rare since I don’t have one) or soak in the bathtub.
….Love you, PK
Even though I am working long hours at work (70+ a week), I take at least one break from work (get away from the office, drive around the block, go get bubble tea…yummy – anything that removes yourself from the desk). It really eases your mind when you get away just for a little bit and definitely breaks up the day of not sitting at the desk for long periods at a time.
I still manage to fit in time to run even after a 12 hour day at work, but that is my stress reliever. I know you don’t run, but a daily routine of a walk would be good for you. I am not trying to sound preachy or be your “mother,” just a concerned cousin and always on the lookout for your well being. Know that I’m always here for you
@slmret - this leaner and meaner mentality doesn’t work. It jacks up the stress level which eats people alive. I don’t think a lot of companies learn.
@beowulf222 - I’ve always told myself not to let others control how I react. But this time, I felt so powerless and combined with the workload, it’s left me feeling very demoralized.
@PPhilip - thanks for the tips. I don’t live in LA but I do appreciate your gesture… thank you again.
@ElusiveWords - I agree — unfortunately it will take a long time to pull out of this part of the cycle!
@thesoulinhiding - he’s not easy to talk to and is often on the computer multi-tasking when you’re talking to him. He is quick to go on the offensive before listening.
@Fatcat723 - I try to keep his interests in mind but he is not the easiest person to communicate with. With some folks, it’s easy for me to develop a rapport (even if I’ve never met them). And he has this trait of fault finding that drives me nuts.
@Toro69 - thanks for being here Fred. I’m borderline burnt out. While I still have my Sunday dinners with dad, I don’t spend a lot of quality time with him lately.
@kachino - thank you, that hit me hard. I spend a lot of time doing things I don’t like doing. Whoa…. How come you’re so wise? You must have an old soul.
@ZSA_MD - Zakiah, thank you for thinking of me – it’s always appreciated and I’m grateful. He is not easy to talk to and many people have tried. Looking back, I’ve always wondered why some have transferred out. He has an interrogative questioning style – it’s more focused on finding fault.
@l0311879l - thank you Michael.
@Wangium - congrats again on grad school. I hope you’ll still find time to update your blog.
@oxyGENE_08 - being a manager is difficult and challenging. You have to want the job and the responsibilities that go along with it. It can also be thankless (as you probably know). There is an art to managing your manager (keeping his interest in mind, knowing his style, values, priorities, expectations etc…).
@carpe_diem99 - I hope this phase will soon end without too much heartache and headaches.
@ElusiveWords - Well then tell him that it’s time he stopped that interrogating fault finding attitude. Tell him that he needs to improve his attitude. That’s what I would do. He isn’t going to fire you, because he knows how invaluable you are to him. If it were me, and he fired me, I would get out of there and let every one in the office know that you told him off! Raah raah raah!
@RunN2U - hey hey… what a nice surprise to see you here! I hope your long hours will start to ease up soon. I took a walk yesterday which helped clear my head. It’s just so crazy at work. I was on till almost 11. I sent you an email. Thanks for dropping by and for keeping an eye on me.
Multitasking when you try to talk to him? That alone is enough to tell me he is an a*sshole. If the roles were reversed, I don’t think you would behave this way. Find another job Matt. You are better than this.
Regards,
Fred
there seems to be no shortage of hard workers in your family, matt. if writing about work depresses you, then don’t. better not write anything and just enjoy other’s blogs. that’s what i do sometimes when not in the mood to write. xanga can wait.
@ElusiveWords - Strange because you’re not the 1st one to tell me that
@rudyhou - well, as immigrants we had to learn to work hard. Writing helps keeps me sane – I think I have to avoid writing too much about work. On one hand, it’s cathartic, on the other hand – I need an escape too.