January 5, 2014
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Moving On
My dad’s funeral came and gone. My siblings kept it light rather than dark and somber. I made it through my speech as did my siblings. We all sprinkled some humour in our speeches. None of us consulted each other on what we were going to say. I hugged and kissed people I didn’t know. Small talk, as expected, dominated most of the visitation and the reception afterwards. I haven’t cried during this time. I was like that at my mom’s funeral too. Maybe it’s just my way of coping. I’m more relieved that dad’s illness is finally over and he is free from the pain. I also felt a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I know that sounds selfish but it’s true.
A few days ago, I started to check on work as I’ve been away. I could feel this veil of gloom and despair closing in on me. My mood changed and the contrast was too much for me to handle. My stomach started to churn. I had to stop for a moment and then slowly resume. The time off for my dad’s funeral coupled with Christmas break actually helped. I knew work was strangling me and I was feeling miserable. Now that I don’t have to worry about dad,
maybeit’s time I do something about it rather than keep writing about the need to change. Change will not be easy.
Comments (25)
I commented on your WP post, but wanted to give you some HUGS here!
(((HUGS)))
It is the Asian thing sometimes, to keep things to themselves and not show the feelings externally. I am like that too, cannot cry in front of people. But Mattie, I want you to write a journal of sorts and put your feelings in it, of what you have gone through and how much you miss them. That might help.
I hope this year will be a blessed year for you at work.
Thank you for the advise. I hope work will ease up and be manageable.
<3 <3 <3
Asian guys and crying… I REALLY thought I'd see my brothers cry at our dad's funeral.. they didn't. They even dodged me when I tried to hug them -____- But I know they grieved in their own way.
Sending you tons of online hugs and hope you get lots of restful sleep.
Thank you – I guess Asian guys grieve differently (we’re stubborn that way). Thank you for the hugs!
*HUGS* Sending love your way.
Thanks Ben!
Change, including overdue and needed, isn’t exactly my strong suit, so I haven’t got much useful wisdom to offer. But you’ve got my moral support. Here’s to a year with positive developments for all!
Thank you and I hope this year will have a lots of positive developments!
*hugs*
Thank you.
Haven’t been reading xanga lately and just found out about your dad. Hope you will be able to take care and do whatever you need to do in the future. Happy new year to you and J!
Thank you Franco, I appreciate that. I still read your blog (in case you were wondering).
you’re awesome… i wish i had your strength.
Thanks Dennis, but you’ve gone through tougher things than I have.
Sorry to hear of your loss, Matt. You’re an incredible, strong person and you’ve always been there your parents… I’m sure their blessings will always protect you.
Vivek – thank you, much appreciated. I hope you’re doing well.
change is never easy…condolences on the death of your parents, a weight has been lifted, for you and for them.
Thank you. A weight has indeed been lifted – you’re so right about this.
Oh Matt, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I cannot imagine how difficult this must have been. I hope you are doing well and hope you can make the changes you want. *HUGS*
I’m doing ok – better than I thought. Thanks for the support.
HUGS matt. my condolences. i’ve been away from xanga for too long to know what’s going on. my apology. if i were to live in your area, i would love to sit and keep you company. please remember that you did your best and was there for him throughout the whole thing. now he is in peace and together again with your mum. that is something you can smile about.
Thanks Rudy. I know you’ve been very busy. He is at peace (and so am I) and I’m just glad he is not in pain anymore.
Matt, please accept my sincere condolences! I just happened to log on after a lengthy absence from Xanga. I think your dad is very happy now (in spirit) watching over you; and you have been a very good son after all these years
Have a Happy 2014 and send my warmest regards to J too!
BTW, if you like to see some foodporn, I’m currently posting on instagram, my user ID is: curry69curry
Thank you Gary. I do wish you would blog more often. At the risk of sounding like a stalker, I have been following your instagram. I saw it after seeing Chris’s instagram. And your food porn is as good as ever.