January 26, 2014
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Some Questions on Life
1. Some people seem to have an easier life than others? They seem to have an easier time making friends, being wealthy, better family life, good looks, more friends, etc… But for others, it’s a one day at a time existence; life is a struggle and one has to work hard to get what you need. It can even be lonely. What advice would you give others who are part of the latter group?
2. How do you stay positive and not give up when life can be so unfair? How do you stay strong? How do you keep your dreams alive?
3. Adversity in life can make someone stronger. Do you agree or disagree and why?
4. Where do you draw inspiration and hope from?
Comments (9)
Hi. I don’t know that these are The Answers of Wisdom. But the are what I would say, given my experience and having survived tremendous adversity and trauma and sorrow myself. And none of this is sad, tough love stuff. Because more than anything, I believe with my whole soul that the greatest gift one can give to himself is grace and love.
1. All have their own struggle, their time may be different than ours. I see this as beneficial to go through the struggle earlier, we can enjoy the wisdom that comes after for much longer and help when others will seem to be drowning. This is a time to connect to your inner self, your spirit, your inner child, that innocence. And tell that inner, gentle you, that it’s OK. Being strong is not about suffering alone, rigid and callous, unblinkingly stalwart. Being strong is giving yourself permission to be soft and bending when the pressure threatens to break. That softness is your strength. That softness needs care to remain, or you’ll splinter like a dead tree branch. So the real question is what do you need to nourish yourself?
I needed to give myself permission (and love) to ask for help. Help from a (psychological) therapist. Help from a massage therapist. In the past, help from a personal trainer. These are the things that allowed me to regain the things I was losing, my clarity of thought, my passion, my drive, my health, my physical strength. They were the tools I needed to re-saturate my soul. They were, and are, the greatest gifts I’ve ever given to myself. Because if I break, many people who depend on me will suffer. I deserved and needed the fortification, the softening, for myself, and when I felt I didn’t deserve it myself, for my family. That is my motivation, love. It is the greatest energy force, and it’s everywhere. When you’re softened, you feel it when you look at the water, serene, peaceful, the love of the force of life itself. It’s in the air. So even if you are alone, you are surrounded by this love, you must only be soft enough to feel it.
2. I stay strong by remembering my blessings. When that isn’t enough, I ask for help. I hire that help when I need to, even if it’s barely affordable – because it’s a need, not a want.
3. Yes, adversity makes people stronger. I first noticed this when my father died. It was like I was suddenly in this terrible, exclusive club of “getting it.” It was instant clarity. And that pain, that clarity, is something no one can see as clearly as someone else who has also faced death closely. It is an instant bond, I felt it when reading your stories about your parents even if my father’s story was not the same. Even if our pain is not the same, the clarity is. Stupid things are obviously stupid. Meaningless things are obviously meaningless. Fake people are more obviously fake. This clarity is a gift. I do consider myself stronger. You are too. It’s not an enviable club to join, no one wishes pain upon another. But there are gifts in beautiful pain, too.
I would not undo any of my past traumas. I am greater for them.
I would not undo any of my past traumas. I survived them. Everyone might not have. And so I am grateful that I am the one who suffered them, I had what it took to get through. I sometimes imagine that before I was born on this Earth, my spirit was with my family in heaven. We were told what our challenges would be before we chose our lot. I imagine that I took my life, chose it, so that no one else in my family would have to – because I wouldn’t want them to go through what I have and because I knew I could do it. If I take ownership of this life, then I take ownership of its challenges, too.
4. I draw inspiration and hope from those who have come before me, and from the love around me. I am not the first to feel what I have felt. There is nothing under the sun that someone hasn’t felt, suffered, loved, had passion for, and gotten though. That makes me a part of something – life.
But we must be soft, or we’ll break when pressure is applied. So the question is: What do you need to nourish yourself?
And the sign of strength is: Will you follow up on asking for it?
Wow … I’m humbled and grateful for what you wrote. Thank you.
WOw! Such a loaded post with questions that are so powerful. I thought I would respond. Then I saw the comment by PrincessPowers. WOW! How brilliantly this is worded. How could I say anything that would make sense after reading PP’s comment?
My skeletal response to your questions will be truly bare, so please don’t mind my blathering nonsense.
1. I would tell the group who is not popular or rich or whatever else, that no one is perfect. Bill Gates probably was a big nerd in school. Wisdom and grace comes with age, and not with looks and money and power.
2.Speaking for myself, I do not keep myself positive all the time. Every one goes through a period of shock and “what ifs” and the ground seems to open right in front of their eyes. But I always tell myself, “this is today. Tomorrow is another day, and if I can live through today, then I can live through tomorrow too.”
No one said that life has to be fair always. Even the Prophets were ridiculed and tortured. We have to face what we get, sometimes it is because of our own mistakes that life can become a challenge.
You know Mattie, I never once thought about keeping my dreams alive. I just didn’t dwell on that. I had ambitions, and wishes, and if some were not realized, (and some of my most desirous wishes were not granted), I just shrug my shoulders and say, “was not meant to be”! I personally think that brooding about wishes/dreams and getting worked up about them is not very healthy. If you want something, it is up to you alone to see that you can get to that part of the ladder. Working hard and sincerely and honestly always pays its dividends. me thinks.
3.Adversity in life certainly can make you stronger, in the sense that you feel that you can face challenges, and know that you don’t crumble under that kind of stress. But, by the same token, you cannot let adversity make you despondent. It will eat at your core. Adversity usually teaches you some thing. In my case, I was subjected to prejudice in a male dominated society of physicians, and this made me realize how I had to treat myself and how I had to treat others, whom to trust and whom to avoid. It is a double edged sword. Personal adversities, you can overcome, because TIME, takes control of it.
4.My hope and inspirations come from my children and grandchildren, my Faith in my Book, and It’s teachings, my prayers and meditations. These sustain me Matt.
I don’t know how much time you will have in an evening to read comments on your post, if all of them are going to be as long as mine and the one above. Love and hugs to you.
RYC: Thank you so much for reading all the posts and commenting on them. Love.
I have trouble sleeping so I was able to read both your response and PrincessPowers. Both of your comments are wonderful and laced with wisdom. You’re too humble. I thank you for sharing your advice.
I left you a long comment on WP.
Just wanted to leave you some HUGS here!
HUGS!!!
Matt, I am not sure if you go back to the post where you left a comment, and see the response, therefore I am doing that here. Thank you for your lovely comment. I appreciate that a lot.
I forgot that Xanga has different responses, too. Thank you to everyone who wrote
knowing that there are plenty of people who don’t have the same quality of life as i do, i always try to remain contend and complaint less. i do think i have it easy and i’m trying to be thankful for what i got, even though life can always be better than the current one.
That’s a pretty good attitude to have. I always try to count my blessings.