I took a walk after work to get some air.  I thought the walk would brighten my mood a bit but it didn't.   I dropped a letter in the mailbox.  Everyone on the street seemed to have a specific place to go.  The restaurants were slowly filling up.  The sport bar was getting busy for tonight's hockey game.  I did a bit of window shopping, looking at eye glasses, clothes, shoes and food.  I notice a lot more Asian guys in my neighbourhood now... young, good looking and stylish.  One walked past me and I could smell his Gatsby hair gel.  But my mind wasn't on eye candies tonight. 

I went to the park and sat down on a bench.  The air was getting cool but still comfortable.  I thought about work.  I took out my camera and felt sad that I haven't played with it for some time.  I debated going to a coffee shop to read.  But I already have insomnia and even the smell of coffee will keep me up.  I looked at a group of women exercising in the park. Maybe I should join them and get in shape.  The evening air started to get a bit colder.  Should I pick up some food, drop in for a quick bite or should I cook?  I past a few restaurants.  I didn't feel like spending any money tonight.  I decided to go home instead.

On my way, I past by the mailbox again.  The letter I dropped off was for the renewal of my dad's lawn care service.  He got very worked up on the weekend about the dandelions and the length of the grass.  There was some dandelions but it wasn't the end of the world.  When I got home on Sunday, I found the renewal form from the lawncare people in my dad's pile of letters that I keep for him.  I called them on Monday and left a message.  They called back and said they are already booked for the summer but will squeeze my dad in because he is a previous customer.  I called my dad to let him know.  He sounded pleased.  The next day my sister emailed me.  Dad is very agitated about the lawn.  My dad kept trying to phone me but I was in meetings.  I called him back.  "The dandelions have now covered the front lawn.  Can they send someone over now to pluck them out?"  I called the lawn service back again.  No they don't pick out dandelions.  But I added the service for fertilizing and weed control.  I called my dad back today. He sounded stressed out.  "When will they show up? The grass is very long!"  I told him they are trying to squeeze him in as they are booked up for the summer already.  "What do you mean squeeze me in?  When will they do that?"  I told him not to worry but they will show up.  He grumbled and muttered something.

So this is my dad's world.  Instead of worrying about his health, his swollen feet or his hygiene, he worries about the front lawn.  Deep sigh.  I went back to my condo, cooked some scrambled eggs for dinner and went back to work.  Maybe I'll feel useful.

This is actually a video used for corporate training.  It's from one of my favorite photographer, Dewitt Jones.  You don't have to be a photographer to enjoy this.  Some of you may have seen this already but I never get tired of it.  It's a preview copy so the quality isn't the greatest.  You'll also have to ignore the big PREVIEW in the video.  But the message is still clear.  It's about 22 minutes so grab a coffee or tea and enjoy.  

You can also watch the film here at his site:  http://www.celebratewhatsright.com/film

It's not embedding the "start" button but just click on the picture and the video should start.

 Stay positive everyone. 

It was my first time.  I looked at the shaft and it was not as thick as I had originally thought.  It was slender with a odd bent towards the end. I flicked my tongue at it, not knowing how to do it.  But it didn't take long for me to get comfortable with it.  I wrapped my mouth around it and let it glide inside my mouth.  It felt comfortable. I watched enough videos to know how to maneuver it around.  I took the next step.  I could feel it starting to surge.  The water soon started to pulsate.  I moved the Waterpik gently around my gums.  My sink was completely drenched afterwards.  It looked like I had a small waterfight in my bathroom. 

But my dentist will be happy that my mouth is squeaky clean.  I hope my next checkup will be a good one. 

Dad wasn't in a great mood when I picked him up for dinner.  We had originally intended to go to my brother's place to celebrate someone's birthday.  But my sister told me dad didn't want to go because there would be too many people there.    As dad was putting on his socks, I noticed it had a large hole in the heel.  He began to complain about it while I quickly went downstairs to the dryer.  I found a new pair and also got him to put on some moisturizer for his feet as the skin was very dry.  He grumbled about my fussiness but I got what I wanted. I help him with his jacket and shoes and head out.  As we slowly made our way to my car,  Dad thought I left my car running.  I told him it was a motorcycle revving nearby.  He paused to listen to the rumbling engine. 

As we drove away, I asked him about the Harley Davidson he used to own.  He retold me the tales of his Harley and how he installed a siren on it.  His mood improved as he recalled those good old days.  I could picture him reminiscing about riding with his friends.  The siren was loud he recalled.  He would turn it on so that cars would move out of his way.  I asked him how many horsepower his bike had.  He didn't remember but he told me speed wasn't a problem.  He always rode in the front of his pack.

He struggled to remember his friend's name who gave him some tips on how to handle the bike.  All he could remember was that his friends was a policeman.  "I had some good times.  I can't complain about those days."  I told him about a show about pickers who search and collect old stuff.  Anything Harley was always good - including a bike frame, gas tank etc...  As I drove to the highway, the light turned red.  Dad smacked his hand.  I'm sure he was imagining his old Harley flying through the intersection.  "Wasn't your bike heavy?"  I asked while we were waiting for the green light. 

"Not if you know how to handle the bike.  It wasn't a problem at all."  I could feel his pride.  We soon hit the highway and I floored it to pass some cars.  He didn't complain as my VTEC screamed.  I was careful with my precious cargo and settled into a nice leisurely pace to the restaurant. 

We ordered 3 dishes and he ate quite a bit.  Since I'm a fast eater, I finish my dinner.  I watch in contentment as he slowly ate.  When he put away the small bowl of dessert, he groaned about how full he was.  I tell him "You have a good appetite tonight."  He nodded. As we leave, I hold on to him as we slowly weaved our way to the door. 

It's not easy to put my dad in a positive frame of mind.  Tonight it worked.  Tomorrow - who knows.  But I'm glad he ate well tonight and I'm also glad he remembered his Harley. 

* * * *

It's past 2:30 AM and I can't sleep.  I'm didn't check the grammar or do any editing with this post.  So pardon any errors.  I just hope sleep will soon visit me. 

I watched this last week and was totally engrossed.  It's just over 18 minutes so set aside a bit of quiet time.  

Source:  http://www.ted.com/talks/joshua_prager_in_search_for_the_man_who_broke_my_neck.html

I'm going to turn this into a tumblr when I simply reblog other stuff. 

I spent an hour yesterday writing an entry and deleted it afterwards.  It was about a pair of ducks that have returned to my dad's lawn.  1 hour.... 1 paragraph on ducks.  Why is it so hard to write?  Maybe I need to be in a more positive frame of mind. 

Moving on to other things in life that annoy me:

1.  Working from Home

Now I understand why people complain about the lack of separation between home and work.  I work long hours and still do.  My desk is a combination of work stuff and my personal stuff.  I've found that when I work, I have to move my laptop away from my desk so I have more room to work.  It also decreases the temptation to procrastinate.  The sad part is when I do my own stuff, it feels like work.  I still sit at the same chair and work from the same desk.  The unhappiness from work just seeps into personal space very easily. 

2.  Driving Standard 

It's not driving standard that is annoying.  It's the pain to my uhm... balls.  When it's not tucked in properly, it just moves back and forth when I'm press down on the clutch.  It's not a big deal on a highway when there's little traffic.  But when I have to shift a lot, it's like someone gently squeezing it every time I press down on the clutch.  Most guys don't have this problem because most guys don't drive standard.  Maybe I should just wear a jock strap when I drive. 

3.  Stupid Drivers

I almost rammed an airport limo on purpose because he cut me off while I was trying to merge.  He actually sped up and almost forced me to the guardrails.  I tucked in behind him and
went to pass him.  But he decided to "drift" into my lane.  It took every ounce of self control to just let it go.  I must have a lot of pent up frustration and anger building inside.  Maybe I'll take it out on the next person that cuts me off. 

I had 2 odd dreams recently. 

1.  In this dream, I was just about to wake up.  The alarm from my phone was beeping impatiently.  But I wanted to sleep in for a few more minutes.  I debated with myself.  Surely I deserve a few more minutes of sleep.  But I knew I had to get up.  I rolled to my left, opened my eyes and reached for the phone.  After a couple of tries, I was able to find my phone and hit the button.  I started to get out of the bed when I heard the alarm going off again.  But I'm still in this half sleep half awake stage again.  I wanted to sleep some more but then I thought, didn't I wake up already?  I opened my eyes, reached to my left, found my phone and turned off the alarm. I don't have a snooze button on my phone.  I checked the time and it was 6 AM, the usual time for my alarm.  I guess this is what happens when you become sleep deprived.  My subconscious is working overtime to make sure I wake up on time. 

2.  Anonymous bloggers like me can be a source of annoyance curiosity to other bloggers who bare it all.  Like you, I'm always curious about other bloggers who don't bare it all.  I dreamt I was in a coffee shop with Andrew or #stepaside-loser.  My dream started in the middle, I don't remember how we got there, how we introduced ourselves etc...  But the dream starts off with me sitting by myself in a coffee place.  I just knew Andrew had left the table momentarily.  I don't know how I knew it was him but I did. And because my dream started in the middle, I didn't even see him before he left the table.   But Andrew left his laptop on the table.  So I decided that I would look into his laptop and find out who he really is.  Of course, it would have made more sense to just wait until he returned but my dreams never have any logic.  I opened his laptop and I couldn't figure out how to use it at all.  I kept thinking, I need to hack into it before he returns.  But it didn't even look like a laptop anymore.  And before I knew it, this wisp of a dream vanished.  So I guess I won't find out what Andrew looks like. 

When I reflect on where I am in life right now, it's not where I want it to be and more importantly where I need it to be.  My physical, emotional and mental health is so out of kilter.  Kachino left this for me - merci beaucoup.

I remember my dreams.  There are so many things to do before I can set my life back on track again.  Maybe this is life's way of jolting me out of my "comfort zone".  If I can't get the hint to move on, there's nothing like pain and misery to prompt me to move.  It's a kick in the ass when gentle hints won't do.  There's no sense wallowing in regret.  I can't give up.  I know whatever happens, I can't change overnight.  It'll be small and sometimes painful steps moving forward. 

I heard about Glen Hansard a couple of months ago.  I had no idea he was so well known already.  I really like how he crafts his songs.  When you close your eyes and listen, you can't help but smile and nod in appreciation.  I used to find time to sit down and listen to music at home.  If a song caught my attention, I would check out the lyrics.  I can't remember the last time I did that. 

"High Hope"

Thinking and writing about work makes me depressed.  I do think I need a different way of managing my manager.  Tips, suggestions and advice are welcomed.

Although I am going through a difficult time at work, I remembered when I worked for another manager that was just as bad - if not worse.  I also think of all the crap my dad had to deal with when he first moved here.  The jobs he got were not what he was used to.  He was always told he didn't have enough Canadian experience.   He had his share of being unemployed while figuring out how to keep a roof over our heads, feeding us and paying the bills.  I can't imagine the stress and anxiety he and mom must have gone through.  The crap I go through now pales in comparison to what they went through.  Now I understand why my dad had a lot of problems sleeping.  He would always be up late reading.  I'm sure he was trying to forget his troubles and calm his mind.

My cousin who recently transferred to San Fran is also working really long hours (up to 80 hrs / week).   I don't know how he does it but I know he runs (I don't).  I hope work starts to slow down soon for him.  It would be nice to chat with him again.

I would also be remiss if I didn't mention how appreciative I am of my friends here.  Thank you all.