It’s been incredibly busy at work.  I typically work every weekday evenings and half days on the weekends.  The other night, I was helping out on a proposal.  I finished at midnight and sent my version to someone on the west coast.  It was still 9PM over there.  He worked on it for a few more hours and sent it off to someone in Manila.  That person will put all the finishing touches and send it back to us first thing in the morning.  It’s a crazy world.   Most nights I just stumble into bed and immediately fall asleep.  I even woke up one morning with my shirt and jeans still on and my bedside lamp shining brightly.

The year actually started off well.  I got reacquainted with the small gym in my condo.  I started to look for writing courses.   Then work sort of just took over as it usually does.  In the middle of this, I managed to survive another round of job cuts.  The myth of the work life balance.  Part of me wants to leave.  Part of me is too scared to.

My sister was telling me about a member of our extended family.  He works for the city.  He was telling my sister that they usually get an hour for lunch.  But if they don’t have any work scheduled after lunch, they just take 2 hours. My brother asked him on the average, how many hours he works in a day.  He said he puts in about 4 hours of work.  In his previous job as a store manager for a clothing chain, he would always come in early, stay late, make sure people who were scheduled showed up for work, dealt with all the store issues and never really had a holiday off.  He said it took him a few months to get used to this leisurely pace.  There’s no overtime unless it’s an emergency. 

I was thinking about an ex colleague of mine in the IT industry.  He used to pull 60 hour weeks, worked weekends and was on call in the evenings.  He moved to another IT job in the government.  He is paid well and work moves a lot slower pace.  He can’t go any faster because the workforce is unionized.  So work is analyzed, debated, assigned before he gets work.  So he works for about half the day and busies himself with self education and other things. 

In some ways, I’m happy that they have a lot better work life balance than I do. 

But really – I don’t know how the government & unions can continue this type of work culture. 

Life isn’t fair. 

 

Thinking and writing about work makes me depressed.  I do think I need a different way of managing my manager.  Tips, suggestions and advice are welcomed.

Although I am going through a difficult time at work, I remembered when I worked for another manager that was just as bad – if not worse.  I also think of all the crap my dad had to deal with when he first moved here.  The jobs he got were not what he was used to.  He was always told he didn’t have enough Canadian experience.   He had his share of being unemployed while figuring out how to keep a roof over our heads, feeding us and paying the bills.  I can’t imagine the stress and anxiety he and mom must have gone through.  The crap I go through now pales in comparison to what they went through.  Now I understand why my dad had a lot of problems sleeping.  He would always be up late reading.  I’m sure he was trying to forget his troubles and calm his mind.

My cousin who recently transferred to San Fran is also working really long hours (up to 80 hrs / week).   I don’t know how he does it but I know he runs (I don’t).  I hope work starts to slow down soon for him.  It would be nice to chat with him again.

I would also be remiss if I didn’t mention how appreciative I am of my friends here.  Thank you all.

 

 

 

I’ve been working from my home a lot now.  I don’t have a permanent office desk anymore.  Sometimes I’ll drive into the head office for my meetings.  There’s a section for folks like us who don’t have a permanent desk.  Mostly though I go to a smaller office downtown and work from there if I have a lot of phone calls to make.  There are lots of advantages working from home.  I’ve cut down on how much I spend on meals and coffee.  I can sleep in a bit late.  I can do laundry during the day but I have to time it carefully.  While I haven’t done this yet, I think I can make things like stews and soups which doesn’t require a lot of attention.  The best part is I don’t have to commute up and down the highway.  I dress like a slob, I don’t shave but I’ve never worked in my undies. 

The downside is that I still work long hours (believe it or not).  I tend to eat more because the fridge is so convenient.  Because I have dinner early on most days, I have this craving for a late night snack around 11PM.  Oh my gawd… and that’s when you folks put out your food porn for me to enjoy.  There are days when I don’t even leave my condo especially when it’s snowing hard or raining hard.  That means some days I don’t even have a face to face conversation with another human.  If I go downstairs to get my mail, that will be the only human interaction I have all day.  So I try to make that “Good morning!” count.  I might even slip in a “How’s your day so far?”. 

I think I’ll need a better chair and maybe invest in a monitor & keyboard as well.  I thought I could manage working from my laptop all the time but it’s tough on the neck.  But tomorrow, I have to go to the office.  So I better make sure I have some clean underwear. 

 

So I got chewed out by my mgm’t on Friday via email.  I’m sure I’ll get it face to face when I show up for work on Monday.  I think there’s a way to be constructive when providing feedback.  But the tone of those emails pretty well made me feel like I wasn’t good enough for anything.  I tell myself they too are under pressure and everyone’s work needs to be perfect.  I’ve been treated worse before by mgm’t.  But it’s been awhile since I’ve received a blasting like this. It’s almost like getting hauled up in front of class and being yelled at by your teacher.  I was never like this when I was a manager.

I don’t know why I let work gnaw at me like this.  Maybe I’m just a bit more vulnerable now with all the other things that are going on.  It’s quarter end.  Souls and principles are usually shunted aside as we hunt for revenue. 

Things at work are getting very difficult.  There’s a fair bit of turnover in the business unit I work in.  Unfortunately these folks aren’t being replaced so the workload is being redistributed to the remaining employees.  But after awhile, there’s only so many people that are available to do the job.  We’ve got some really talented folks who are leaving because they are completely burnt out.  As an example, one guy is in his late 50′s.  He’s taking a stand to reclaim his life.  He told my manager that he doesn’t want to work 12+ hour days and several hours on the weekends.  He can probably get more money working as a consultant out there.  These folks are client facing so there’s even more stress.  Last year, our company had a pretty good year.  I thought my bonus would be decent.  But it was smaller than last year.   Now we’re being asked to continue to demonstrate our added value to the business.  So far I’ve been able to duck the axe.  But sometimes I wonder if it’s worth ducking. 

I’m not alone either.  My brother’s company is going through another round of downsizing.  I see him flying off to meetings in the US to plead his case.  He takes the first flight out and the last flight back.  It’s just brutal.  One time they told him he had to go to a meeting in Montreal.  A senior exec then told him he had to drive (it’s a 5 hour drive) instead of flying (1 hour flight).  He then handed the keys of one of the company’s car to my brother.  The person who used to drive that car was let go by the senior exec just hours ago.  My brother told me some of the guy’s personal stuff was still in the car.  It’s not a pleasant drive to Montreal either.  He drives into the sun going there and into the sun coming back.  He pretty well works 6 days a week just to stay on top of things.  He told me today he is close to his limit. 

My sis is about to lose her job as well.  She found out the company she is working for didn’t have the balls to go through the tough changes that are required.  The owners (privately held company) are balking at the amount of change required and they want to keep doing the same ol’ things.  But they had hired my sister and her manager to push for these changes.  The biggest problem is that the owners have hired so many friends and relatives into that company.  A lot of them are in cushy jobs with very little accountability.  So they don’t want to change. They win and my sister and her manager lose. 

That bottle of scotch sitting in the cabinet is looking very tempting right now. 

So is everything at work going ok for you folks?

 

It’s been a very long week at work.  I had to work a bit today and will do the same tomorrow.  The days just blur and blend together.  And it all repeats again on Monday.  I’m exhausted and sleep doesn’t help.  On Thursday night, I was so tired that I couldn’t sleep.  It’s the oddest thing to say.  Your body is tired but I guess the adrenalin is still going. 

On top of the long hours, the axe man came by at work and a few heads rolled.  I managed to duck.   It’s a tough first quarter.  At this rate I may be asked to work the streets to bring in additional revenue.  That would not be a pretty sight. 

It’s been frustrating not to write this past week.  I hope to get something going on the writing front. 

If I haven’t commented on your blog – I hope you’ll understand.  

I used to be able to outwork others.  I wasn’t scared if my coworkers were smarter than I was or more qualified than I was.  I knew I could outwork them because I was hungrier.  I didn’t have a problem working long hours including weekends.  Promotions came fast and easy.  I got awards, decent reviews and decent raises. 
 
It’s different now.  I no longer want to work those crazy hours.  Sometimes I still have to because of the workload.  I don’t want to be an executive or move into a corner office.  My values have changed.  At work, I have to perform differently now to deliver the same quality of work.  In the past couple of years, I had to rebuild my network of colleagues.  It hasn’t been easy since most of the work I do is over the phone.  In fact, over 75% of my meetings are conducted over the phone.  This includes my annual performance review.  But I’ve managed to slowly build this up.  Having done that, I now need to make more contacts with those who have an ear and a voice to the inner company politics.  I don’t mean using information to stab people in the back.  But understanding some of the reasons behind decisions or getting a different perspective from those who have a view of the bigger picture. 

I also need to find a role that isn’t easy to be outsource.  This one is tougher.  I’ve already seen a reduction in my team and transfer of 1 job to another country.  Every day I have to figure out how to catch my manager’s attention and show that I bring value to the business.  He has a big team of seasoned veterans and it’s easy for me to get lost in the shuffle.  So I have to make sure he knows about the work I do.  I draw the line at 7:00AM meetings for now though. 

While I’m not married to my work, I do have bills to pay.  But I also know that I can’t just work 12 plus hours a day and do the same thing.  I have to continue to reinvent myself and keep my own brand “refreshed” so to speak.

I’m not sure what sparked this entry.  I think it was a combination of 2 things.  I just visited one of my favorite sites “The Awesomer” .  It’s just amazing to see what can happen with ingenuity, insight and lots hardwork.  I was also watching a talkshow and the guest (an investment manager) told the host that he had visited many developing countries recently for a show on Discovery Channel.  The countries include Cambodia, Thailand, Brazil, India and so on.  He said he’s seen very qualified people (e.g. engineers) work long and hard because they want a better life.  They are hungrier than Canadians or Americans.  They want the better life that we have and they are going to outwork us for it.  I think he’s right. 

Thank you all for your comments, insights and experiences on Macs and PCs.  I very much appreciate it.  Despite working for an IT company, I’m pretty well useless when it comes to technology. 

On a different note…
I am fairly competent at my job, but I know this isn’t what I truly want to do.  I’ve felt this way for the past few years now.  I see my job as simply a way to support myself.  While I don’t hate it, it doesn’t stir my heart.  I’ll put in the extra hours when required and do all those things people expect from a senior professional.  When I’m in a cynical mood, I simply call myself a corporate whore. 

My heart lies elsewhere.  I don’t know where that is yet.  Writing and photography are two things I like to do a lot more.  It requires a different skill set and sensibility.  I don’t know if I can make a living out of it. 

But we’ll see – I think I need to plant a few seeds now.  I have to pack my bags and head into the office soon.  Thankfully my day is clear of meetings and appointments. 

This past couple of months, I had a chance to work more from home.  Sometimes I can come home before the rush hour and finish my day at home.  A couple of times, I’ve been able to put in a full days worth of work from home.  It saves on the commute and if I’m really motivated, I can get started by 7:00 AM.   

Working from home isn’t that easy for me.  I get distracted very easily.  This is a fatal flaw for a procrastinator.  On my worst days, I’ll be doing laundry and cleaning while work piles up.  Oddly enough, laundry and cleaning are some of the things I procrastinate when I do my chores. I try to stay away from the TV.  I’m a lot better now than when I first started.  It’s like going to university for the first time.  There’s no one around to supervise you.  But when you work by yourself at home, you have to be very disciplined.  I don’t know how some of you can do this. 

Sometimes the noise from other condos and the traffic sound can can get on my nerves.  If a unit near me is doing renovations, I’m dead.  If there’s construction work on the road outisde, I know I won’t get a lot of work done.  The other day, the fire alarm rang very briefly.  There’s also the usual fire alarm testing, garage cleaning (we have to park elsewhere), condo inspection or water maintenance.  But I suppose that’s the price I pay for living in a condo downtown.   Eventually, I will need a better phone than the one I have.  I’m also looking for a good chair as well.  My ass needs a more comfortable throne.  

There’s a relatively new coffee shop in my neighborhood.  It’s called the White Squirrel.  I dropped in there for lunch a couple of times when I worked from home.  It’s small but cozy with wifi.   If you’re ever down in Queen West – you should check it out.   It’s a couple of doors down from Calfouti and across from Trinity Bellwoods Park. 

Here are some food pics:

Winter melon soup with a splash of sesame seed oil

 

Chicken in sweet soy sauce. 

 

Soup (pork based) with tofu, carrots, napa cabbage, fish meatballs and some dried scallops for extra flavor.   

/* edit:  fixed text alignment