Yesterday, I decided to see what Xangans are recommending in the front page of Xanga.  There was a post with the big F word, another one with d* bag, another one with the f word partially spelled out.  Now I’m not some innocent guy thinking of nothing but pure, wholesome thoughts.  I’ve been known to drop the F word and other ungentlemanly words every so often.  If you cut me off in traffic, I’ll let you have it… and in Greek too (it’s the only other language I can swear in). 

What troubles me is how others who may be checking out Xanga and seeing this juvenile writing will think of Xanga.  Is it that hard to express your thoughts and feelings without swearing?  Are we not able to get our ideas and perspective to others without degrading our writing?  When you’re writing, you have the luxury to do some very basic editing.  It’s not just words that are spewing out uncontrolled from your foaming mouth.  I don’t understand why people feel they need to swear to get one’s point across.  I also don’t understand why people feel compelled to recommend these entries.  Maybe one day I’ll drop in and read them.  But for now, I think there are other more interesting things to read.

I am not looking for Pulitzer Prize or Nobel Prize winners.  Here are just a few of the bloggers that I follow.  They are good reads  Rob writes interesting, concise and though provoking observations.  Chris’s writing is always crisp and clear – just take a look at his last entry.  Zakiah’s observations about her roots, her family (especially her grandchildren) and the treasures in her life are always good to read.  Alex’s entries are always entertaining and fun to read.  Daniel is a blogger who writes with sensitivity and maturity.  David is another blogger that I follow who writes openly about the issues in his life.  They are all good reads.  Now my taste and interest aren’t necessarily the same as yours.  But these folks have a way of communicating with their readers very well.

Maybe I’m just getting to be a grumpy old man.   Growl…

It is a bit disheartening seeing how quiet Xanga has become.  Yes, I know some folks have moved their blogs elsewhere or have simply stopped writing.  Others have hit a busy period in their lives.  I can certainly relate to being busy.  But I wasn’t expecting the decline in activity to be so startling.  Although I subscribe to almost 200 blogs, a lot of them are now dormant.  About 30 to 40 are regularly active and another 10 to 20 somewhat active.  I just did a quick check of the front pages (ok – I know Xanga is usually even more quiet on the weekends), but blogs that have 8 comments are now getting to the front pages. I can’t say this is good or bad.  I suppose it’s good because it gives exposure to others that don’t normally get exposure. 

But sites need traffic in order to attract ad revenues. I hope financially Xanga will fine. I don’t know what else the average Xangan can do to generate more traffic aside from writing, commenting and recommending.  I thought this might be a good chance for other bloggers to be discovered.  But this is so diverse of a community that my favorites and recommendations won’t necessarily be your favorites & vice versa.

Recently one of my dormant subscriptions, neo_plasm suddenly popped up after 2 years.  I never knew him but he always had something interesting to say and his comments were often insightful.  He wrote:

“I wonder if anyone will ever study the early era of blogs in the pre-facebook era.  It was a short span of only a few years, but I think it was a distinct time (maybe 2002-2006).  People were pretty naive about what they put on the internet.  There was a lot of sharing, and it made for really interesting reading (well, sometimes).  In 2010, there’s more awareness of the drawbacks of putting so much of yourself out there, and also of the limited returns you get.  Hence, the graveyard of purged/abandoned blogs that I used to read.”

I think he’s probably on to something.  Maybe people are a lot more conservative with what they write.  I used to read a lot more intimate details about people’s lives.  There was an air of innocence and trust (misplaced perhaps) back then.  That’s pretty well gone now.  You don’t want that stuff out there where your employers, family, friends and stalkers can find them. 

So maybe we’re seeing a shift in attitudes?  What do you folks think?

J and I watched Red on the weekend.  I enjoyed it and we both had a good laugh.  It was an action – comedy movie which didn’t require a lot of brain power.  But that’s the power of a good movie.  It just takes you to a different place for a couple of hours.  We also watched Wall Street:  Money Never Sleeps recently.  I was always fascinated by the investment industry.  I love the power and lure of money.  I know what money can buy.  I wanted that power at one time in my life.  But that’s not me right now.  While I liked this movie, I thought it was a bit too long and choppy.  But still, it was good to get away for a bit and hang out with him. 

I was chatting with my cousin the other day.  He said my online friends are very supportive.  I have to agree with him.  I’ve been very fortunate to end up with a community of special friends.  In fact, in my entire existence in Xanga, I would say it has been overwhelmingly positive.  I told someone that I was pleasantly surprised and touched by the offers of help, the useful advice, prayers and comments like “call me if you need to” that I’ve received in the past few weeks.  He said my writing must have touched a few people and people genuinely want to help.  I know online friendships can be ephemeral.  Lately this line is starting to blur even more.  It’s so confusing.   I have no idea what this means.  Maybe I’ll stalk you folks even more.  

Perhaps I should let my dad know that I write about him.  I can just imagine the conversation.

Dad: “You write about me and it’s on the internet?  Are you crazy?”

Matt:  “No – my subscribers seem to like it.”

Dad:  “Your subscribers?  You’re selling subscriptions?”

Matt:  “No – it’s free.  But I seem to get a lot of comments when I write about you.”

Dad:  “Comments?”

Matt:  “Yes, people can respond or comment to a post.”

Dad:  “Who are these people?”

Matt:  “I’ve never met them before.”

Dad:  “Are you crazy?  They must all be perverts!  I read about the internet!”

Well, maybe not.  I think I’ll continue to remain anonymous.  But I just wanted to say thank you.  I’m sure my dad will say thank you too. 

Thanks for all your support folks.  I know most folks weren’t quite sure what to say.  It didn’t help that I purposely left it so cryptic.  I just needed to vent after a long day.   In the old days, I could write something like this and no one would leave a comment.  Back then, no one read my blog.  Even though I blog anonymously, I’m still careful of what I write (maybe a bit too careful sometimes).

I wonder how many blogs are out there without readers.   There are probably many bloggers out there without readers.  You know the say about a tree falling in a forest – does it still make a sound if no one was there to hear it fall?  Does a blog need a reader to complete its purpose? 

I’m still behind reading a lot of your entries and comments – my apologies.  But it’s hard to ignore interesting blogs so I just continue to subscribe to them.  I’ve regressed into a lurker. 

The only upside of working long hours… I fall asleep now relatively quickly. 

Bloggers come and go.   There are some that I miss.  I couldn’t quite list them all as it’s now getting late (thanks to the time change).   I wish and hope they will write again.  Some of them were bloggers I came across when I started on Xanga and I have good memories of them. 

1.  Absolutmichael:  one of the first Xangans that I thought would be a writer in one way or another.

2.  Blizzardi:  I hope Harold is doing ok.

3.  Bennykan – always fun to read

4.  caihwei – loved his photos, food and car.  I think he’s set up shop in Tumblr. 

5.  DivaJoe – sort of your typical journal / blog but I enjoyed reading about his life.

6.  dynamiqvision  – Sion, I hope you haven’t faded away. 

7.  enginerds:  I’ve always enjoyed his photography.

8.  epup:  not sure what happened to him.

9.  hijack88 :  pretty good writer chronicling his adventures and sometimes misadventures with sensitivity and wit.

10.  jasonbasin – food, fun and sharp wit.  I still can’t figure out how he stayed so slim after eating so much.

11.  JCFans – he popped up when I restarted blogging.  After that, I’m not sure where he went.  But he always had a kind word to say and was very supportive when I started to blog.

12.  JerryMonkey - sort of faded away, I’m sure like others, he’s probably on another social networking site.

13.  JonasApproved  – Jonas used to have tons of traffic, now he probably has 7 or so other blogs including his own site. 

14.  jx2_66 – Jon or the Poofer.  I’ve always enjoyed his drawings and adventures. 

15.  junshien -  he had a lot of good photos on his site.  Over time he became a very good photographer and is now a wedding photographer. 

16.  liquorman8 – I always thought he was a pretty good writer.

17.  Len_Q – I wonder what happened to Len?

18.  NanYu – another guy that I followed and he sort of just stopped. 

19.  neo_plasm – I think he’s an oncologist now.

20.  spacerboi – he was on Xanga long before I came on.  I would put money on him becoming a writer.  Except he’s a lawyer. 

21.  GracePrince – lovely woman who’s fought through quite a few hardships in life but continues to smile.

22.  ZenPaper – I hope he comes back to Xanga. 

23.  zozoyork – probably very busy with his photography.

And of course the late Kelvin who encouraged me to explore writing more seriously. 

I hope new bloggers will find a home in Xanga and discover this community.   Sometimes when I look at the traffic, I get a bit discouraged.  This is a pretty decent site

It’s Alex’s birthday on March 1st.  For those of you who don’t know who he is, you can find him regularly sitting on Xanga’s front page.  His entries range from humorous to heartfelt and touching.  Whatever subject matter he writes, his personality just seems to shine through.  Despite his popularity, he seems like a nice humble guy.  He’s sort of the guy that a lot of women would probably want to bring home to meet their parents.

I think it was an entry he wrote about looking after his younger brother that got me hooked on his blog.  He takes his responsibility as an older brother seriously.  I’m sure years from now, his younger brother (who is shows up frequently in Alex’s videos) will appreciate Alex’s steady guidance.

Happy Birthday Alex!   Don’t let this get to your ego.   I would have written this on March 1st but I know it’s gonna be a long day at work tomorrow. 

When Xanga was down last week, there wasn’t any updates from TheXangaTeam or John.  I wish there was a comment.  I’m not looking for an apology – just an explanation.  I get my Xanga for free so I’m not expecting much in return – certainly not 5 9′s.  I just want to know what happened.  I work in IT.  I know what the pressures are like in delivering a high level of service with a tight budget. 

It’s disappointing.  They’ve always been pretty good about providing a heads up on routine maintenance.  That’s fine with me – I’m not glued to my laptop (well, sometimes I am).  While I was pounding my desk last week in frustration.  I thought about moving to another platform.  I always had an account on this other platform to comment on someone’s entries.  But he’s no longer around.  So I started to play around with the themes and put a test entry.  It wasn’t easy or intuitive – maybe I’m just so used to everything here.  I don’t know what I’m going to do with that account yet.  Maybe it’ll be my lifeboat if something happens here.  Or maybe I’ll just write my dark entries there.  Oh who knows…

I just wished there was a bit more transparency on what is happening behind the scenes.  Maybe they can leverage the talent and passion of this incredible community of bloggers.  Yeah, we can be a pain sometimes.  But I’m sure we can help make this a better place for all of us. 

The past 2 days are a blur of emotions.  I think I’ve had everything from intense rage, anger, happiness, excitement, regret, anxiety, “don’t give a f*ck”, cynical and calmness.  It’s odd… and unsettling.  The anger and rage was when some idiot passed me on the shoulder on my left.  The left lane had ended and rather than merging behind me, the driver passed me and another car before cutting in.  We weren’t going fast and thankfully I had my eyes peeled.  As I drove along, he then crumpled a pop can and threw it on to the road.  He eventually raced ahead and cut in and out of the heavy traffic.  Shortly after that, a Lexus IS250 decided that he wanted to get a very close view of my car.  I couldn’t even see his headlights in my rearview mirror.  I’m sure if I farted, he could have smelled it.  Eventually he got tired of sniffing my butt and pulled over to pass me.  I just had this fleeting thought of cutting him off so I can watch his car hit the concrete barrier.  But some guardian angel told me to ease off.

After awhile, all the traffic around me dispersed and I was alone on the highway.  I managed to slowly cool off.  My guardian angel went off somewhere to find some other soul to save.  The rest of the emotions just swirled around me for most of yesterday evening and today.  I’m not on meds nor am I drinking.  Who knows…

Last night, I couldn’t get on Xanga.  I have no idea why.  After awhile, I couldn’t care less.  I told myself, if Xanga went under- so be it, who gives a f*ck anymore.  I can start over somewhere.  Of course, I didn’t really mean it.  Imagine suddenly losing the only connection I have to all of you.  I’m actually not sure how I would react if Xanga suddenly went offline permanently.   Hmm…. 

My mom’s birthday is coming up.  Even though she’s passed away, we still celebrate it. 

I’ve been blogging for almost 4 years now.  Here are some of my my experiences on  Xanga.  I don’t know if it has happened to you as well.  

1.  You spend hours and maybe days writing and editing an entry.  You’ve polished it, proof read it and it’s almost done.  As you’re checking your subscriptions, you read someone else’s blog and they wrote an entry on the same topic.  But their entry was clearer, more carefully thought out, more eloquent and better written than yours.  You end up liking their entry better than what yours.

2.  You read someone’s entry and you have just the perfect comment including a great comeback or a joke.  As you hit the button to go to the comments, someone else has already added a comment with exactly what you wanted to say… including your joke.  Everyone loves that comment too!

3.  As you’re commenting on other blogs, you notice this person has commented on almost every blog you’re about to comment on.  You wonder if they are on Xanga 24 hrs a day. 

4.  You discover a new blog.  As you read several entries – you like what you have read or the pictures they have posted.  You give yourself a slap in the back for finding something new to read.  So you subscribe to them.  As you’re about to add your first comment, you noticed some of your regular subscribers have already “found” this blog.  In fact, they are all regulars here too!  You feel like the last person on earth to find out about things.

5.  You’ve finally written an entry that you believe will garner lots of comments and make you a true Xanga celebrity.  You submit it and wait for it to show up on the Featured Blogs.  Nothing happens.  You get a few comments here and there.  No one else seems to have noticed your killer entry.  You feel so sheepish aftewards thinking you can pull sonmething like this off.  You wonder why Xanga’s top blog isn’t a blog – it’s just a poll. 

6.  You’ve read all your subscriptions and commented on everything, including other people’s comments.  You’re bored and waiting for your favorite bloggers to write something…. anything, even a pulse.  But they all seem to have lives except for you.

7.  You’re writing an entry and the words come out so effortlessly.  As you take one last look at the entry, you have this feeling of deja vu.  You check your old entries and sure enough – you wrote something similar.  You feel so silly afterwards.

Have a great weekend everyone!

There are times when I have to prune my subscriptions.  Every so often, I’ll look at the blogs I subscribe to and prune a few.  Either there blogs have gone in a different direction or they have stopped writing altogether.  I’ve pruned a couple of “friends” too.  I don’t understand some of their mass messages.  The other reason I’ll unsubsribe is if I don’t get any feedback on any of my comments.  Gee… I am not looking for a response to every comment.  But surely one out of 20 or 30 must have struck a chord.  Anyways… no hard feelings. 

I used to subscribe to a couple of the more popular blogs in Xanga.  They are the ones you see in the front page of Xanga.  I thought they would be interesting and thought provoking.  There were a couple of interesting and funny entries.  But the rest weren’t.  But I felt as if I was an outsider looking in and wondering when I could be accepted.  The comments weren’t interesting either.  Most of the time when I read your blog, I’ll also check out the comments.  If I find someone who made an interesting comment, I’ll check out their blog.  It’s one of the way for me to find new blogs to read / subscribe.  

Ok – end of whining session.
I made this steak and mushrooms.  The steak was cut up into cubes and the browned.  I didn’t want my dad to cut too much.  The mushrooms were a combination of white and brown mushrooms.  I added some onions as well.  They went into the pan that I used to cook the steak so it picked up a lot of the flavor.  I used a bit of sherry to deglaze the pan.  I added some scallions, garlic and a bit of mustard.
 

I had extra mushrooms so I used it in an omelette the next morning.