January 23, 2013
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reboot
I really dread work now. I just try to take it a day at a time. As much as I hate it, I don't know why I seem to be glued to it. I know I need the money. But I wonder if I'm doomed to repeat some errors from my previous lives. Is it fear of failure? Maybe it's procrastination? Maybe I just like to punish myself with stress ... a warped form of mental self flagellation. It's time to develop my options. I need to regain control of my life.
Tonight when I dream, maybe I'll take a long walk on a beach. If I see one set of footprints in the sand, I hope I'll have the wisdom to know that I'm not alone.
This will be a journey through dark valleys and deep canyons accompanied by reflection and introspection. What will lie ahead?
Comments (20)
I hear you! I go through similar feelings but am kind of afraid of pushing the reboot button.
Maybe it's time to start job searching? I can't imagine being miserable at work. I spend at least 8 hours there a day, it would be horrible for me to dread work.
You're definitely not alone... walking on the beach is actually a very great way to clear up the energy... It's never too late to re-write the story ... hope you find the answers you're looking for...
Not saying you should quit your job or anything but I think we should listen to our gut. Whatever the millions of options out there, it can't be as bad as what we're currently feeling right?
Golden shackle too hard to shake off?
How about a long vacation or LOA to get your thoughts together and consider other options of where to live, what to do, and stuff like that? Best wishes to you.
We should all hangout together...haha Dreading work is becoming the story of my life. I seriously need a break. No, I need change.
just hold on Matt. i know the feeling and i can tell you that things will get difficult. but i know youll focus on your networking and job searching. it may take a while, but you'll definitely get an opportunity that you'll want to take. in the meantime, do take care of yourself.
@beowulf222 - yeah Nick... there's a lot on my mind, there's a things I really need to prepare (resume, networking, career counseling / coaching...) At this point in my life, do I really want to stay in this job or do something else? If I jump, what can I do now to increase the chances of success?
@JL789 - I'm in IT so it's not easy to find something that has decent work life balance, but it won't hurt for me to start checking around informally and talk to the people I trust.
@BlissfulRedemption - I hope I find those answers too, thank you.
@youngvan - true, I think the signs are there for me. Sometimes it's bad to stay too long in one job.
@Wangium - lol Jason, it's not really golden but it pays the bills.
@ed408 - that sounds like a good idea, thank you.
@oxyGENE_08 - well - we would both be in talking mode and not in listening mode Gene - hahaha. Give your new company a try and see what opportunities are there.
@l0311879l - thanks Michael, did you go through this?
@ElusiveWords - i did and it was a soul crushing experience. i had to tough it out for a year and a half before landing with another company. the biggest challenge was maintaining my professionalism. i'm crossing my fingers for you Matt!
@l0311879l - wow... I'm really nervous and scared. But I need to be honest with myself.
I'm currently pushing the "RESET" button and it's fricken awesome!!!! Simple question Matt, how much is your mental health worth?
What is a previous life?
@secade - reincarnation - I think I'm paying for the sins / mistakes from a previous life.
@kachino - it's worth quite a bit ... sometimes when I'm in a hole, I tend to use a shovel instead of a ladder. What were the circumstances in your reset?
@ElusiveWords - That sounds so... fatalistic. It bums me out to hear that you really view your life that negatively right now
@secade - don't be... I think I'll come through this ok. I've got a lot of support here and that has been very comforting.
@ElusiveWords - Well, condition yourself to use the ladder instead of the showel. Well back in November, I had this feeling that I needed to quit my job because I didn't feel it was a great fit with me anymore. During the Holidays, I had a lot of time to think about where I am in my life and what I want to accomplish. However, I was neglecting those things because of work. I then took the decision to delay my resignation until the end of January because I had a business trip scheduled during that time. However, I was let go before that. I completely accept that decision and am truly doing all the important things that make me happy. Honestly, pressing the RESET button was the best thing I've done lately
. Honestly Matt, best of luck in what you're currently going through.
Also been there, very recently. I felt a lot better when I secured something and knew I had a set date when I would quit. If you really hate it that much, look harder for a way out. I'd also urge you to look at how much you really need the money (but I don't need a lot of money, the things I enjoy the most are cheap). I'm sure you spend a lot on your parents though, so our situations are different. Best of luck.
i hope you had the dream you had wished. enough to make you feel you have taken a control on your life. sometimes, life does things that we can't comprehend and leave us feeling vulnerable and with no way out. sometimes, it's those things that we actually need to learn our limit. i don't have an answer for you, for i too am not having a job that i personally would pick as my first preference. however, i feel like it's a test. to see how far i could go to toughen it up. now and then i find little things that bring in joy and just focus on those. life is too short to be bitter. and so i always try to live life with a motto of 'what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger'.