I don't remember a lot of my dreams but sometimes the feelings and emotions from a dream carry over into my morning.  This morning, I woke up late again and didn't give it too much thought.  And then it hit me just as I was sipping my coffee.  I dreamt my brother shot me.  Bit by bit, the fragments of my dream started to come together.  I remember shooting at people with a sawed off shotgun and reloading it a few times.  The other memory is of my brother standing over me with a handgun while I stared at him.  I saw the gun discharge and he left the room.  But I didn't feel the bullets hitting me.  It felt more like puffs of air.  I wondered if I was dead and felt my chest but there wasn't any pain or any sign of blood. 

In other news, I'll be checking into an asylum soon.  I hope they will let me continue to blog. 

This is a bit late...

Over the holidays, hotpot at a friend's place

shrimp, crab, salmon & scallops

I think this is lamb or maybe it was pork?

mushrooms, veggies, tofu

Chinese  / Lunar New Year:

This is the temple that J and I go to every year.  It was jammed and very hot in there and I didn't take a lot of pictures.  I couldn't even move.

In the last couple of years, they had a wishing tree.  This year, they had the wishes hung up against the wall.

I can't believe we're about to head into March soon.  2013 seems to be moving so fast. 

This is from Lucas' /  @xtremepsionic's suggestion to post something interesting from our living room. 

I think I got this miniature dish of dumplings from a night market in Chiang Mai years ago.  

It's a sad sight for a dumpling lover like me.  I would need a thousand of these dishes to fill me up.   If this are real dumplings, I could literally inhale them.  Although it would probably clog up my nose.

My real world and virtual world are clashing.  The bonds and relationships of my virtual world don't translate well into the real world.  It's odd.  I guess that's what happens when I keep the 2 worlds separate.  Although the feelings may be real - the relationships formed don't survive in the real world.  It's a bit like smoke - you can see it, smell it but you can't hold on to it. 

I have no idea why this is bothering me right now when I need to sleep.  It's triggered something deep in me that I can't get a handle on just yet. 

Maybe my mind is so jumbled up from work I can't think straight anymore.

There's this Xangan who lives in my neighbourhood.  But I have never seen him around.  When he told me he goes to the same supermarkets I go to, I've always been on alert.  Every Asian guy gets extra scrutiny.  I've even mistaken a couple of non Asians for him because I'm so jumpy.  I always joke with him that he'll never find me and I'll always spot him.  He actually thought he spotted me once but it wasn't me.  But he told me that if I see him, I should introduce myself.  I said of course I will.  But I figured I have better odds of bumping into Jay Chou. 

Today I was meeting my brother and my dad for another one of dad's appointments.  As I was heading to the exit at a subway station, I saw him walking towards me.  I took a closer look and it was him!  By then he had almost walked past me.  Should I say hi or should I just keep walking?  I decided to call out his name.  He stopped and looked at me.  I walked over introduced myself.  He looked surprised.  I'm sure my big Charlie Brown head must have startled him.  But I think I may have surprised myself as well.  I just went with my gut feeling and it felt right.  Besides, he's been one of my longest subscriber and vice versa.  Our conversation was short because we were both in a hurry.  But he is as nice in person as he is in his blog. 

I just wished I had my elevator speech prepared as I probably sounded like a babbling mime.  But another brick has fallen from my wall.  I'll have to find some more disguises.

Sheldon aka @Brooklyn2028, it was great bumping into you today!

I really dread work now.  I just try to take it a day at a time.  As much as I hate it, I don't know why I seem to be glued to it.  I know I need the money.  But I wonder if I'm doomed to repeat some errors from my previous lives.  Is it fear of failure?  Maybe it's procrastination?  Maybe I just like to punish myself with stress ... a warped form of mental self flagellation.  It's time to develop my options.  I need to regain control of my life. 

Tonight when I dream, maybe I'll take a long walk on a beach.  If I see one set of footprints in the sand,  I hope I'll have the wisdom to know that I'm not alone. 

This will be a journey through dark valleys and deep canyons accompanied by reflection and introspection.  What will lie ahead?

The stress from work hasn't let up.  The small team I work in is short staffed and it looks like it'll remain that way for a few more months.  I work almost every night now including a few hours on the weekends.  One of my colleagues has retired.  He told me he was glad he retired on his on terms and didn't get laid off.  We shared the same sense of humour and despite our very different backgrounds, we got along very well.  He listened when I had to vent, helped pushed back on management and provided some common sense advice.  My manager caught me off guard the other day when he asked me how long I still want to do this job.  I said a year or two at the most.  When I look around my company, I don't really see a lot of good jobs.  But I think I need to reboot my network and see what is out there.  I just feel so fatigued and depressed by work.

Hands can be fascinating to look at.  The different shapes, sizes, length of fingers (don't get any ideas....) - even the texture of the skin. 

A 3 month old baby holding one of my fingers.  I'm always amazed at the grip of a baby.  I just realized the baby's hand looks like it got cut off below the wrist.  He's actually wearing black top and red striped tshirt (on the left).

My dad opening his Christmas presents.

From a statue - I love the long and slender lines.

I hope you folks will post a picture of your hand.  I really don't have a hand fetish. 

I ate too much this past week.  I think I need a wheelbarrow to support my tummy when I walk. 

J cooked Xmas dinner for his family.  I got in just as J was dispatching the last of the lobsters and crabs.  He had a bandage on one of the fingers courtesy of a death grip from a crab.  I love these moments.  I put on my innocent face and asked "Did it hurt?"    

Here's some of the pictures of the food.

The crab and lobsters dusted with corn starch before being dropped into the wok.

I was demoted to kitchen help and was asked to keep an eye on the tofu as they were being fried.

BBQ Pork

There were 2 heaping plates of lobsters and crabs stir fried in ginger and green onions.  It was very good.

After the tofu was fried, I drizzled some of the sauce that J made for it.  It's a sweet / salty / tart sauce with shallots that
 complimented the fried tofu very well.  I took the extra sauce home.

There was also a dish with mushrooms, greens and sea cucumber.  I also took the extra sauce home too.

One of the relatives brought over sushi / sashimi. 

It was a long day for J and I gave him a backrub and leg massage afterwards.

For my family Xmas dinner, we went to a member of our extended family.  It was a potluck supper with everyone bringing in food.

My sister made butternut squash soup. 

Some of the candies that were scattered all over the house

The hostess made roast beef.  There were a lot of other dishes too but I was too busy eating.

Someone made cherry cheesecake for dessert.  I had a small slice and it was good but very filling.

What did I make?  Nothing, I was demoted to bringing wine.  Just as well, I didn't have anytime this year to shop or cook.  Although we agreed not to exchange gifts, both my brother and sister got me presents.  What did I get them?  Nothing.  I guess I'll have to find a way to make it up.  But I'm thankful to see dad smile at his gifts and for another opportunity to enjoy wonderful meals that were lovingly prepared.

I stepped out into the bright afternoon sun to grab some lunch at my local Vietnamese restaurant.  As I walked past the pan handler, he looked up at me and asked "Do you have any change?"  I had already a couple of steps past him when I fished out a quarter from my pocket.  I turned back and saw an old, weathered face with a few layers of worn out clothes.  I placed the quarter in his hand it and it rolled off.  The quarter fell right through the metal grate. "It fell!" he cried out.   We both looked down at it.  He looked backed at me.  I reached into my pocket again and fished out a coin.  I looked to see what it was.  It was a loonie ($1 coin).  He saw it too.  I carefully placed it in his hands. He thanked me quietly while I pondered what I just did. 

Today I had the luxury of eating out at lunch time.  It was a treat for working late every night this week.  Last night, my meeting finished at 11PM and I barely woke upon time this morning.  I went back to local Vietnamese restaurant and enjoyed some spring rolls and chicken pho.  My tummy was very happy.  As I left, I almost walked right into a very disheveled looking man.  He held out his hand and asked "I am trying to buy a pop, do you have any change?"  He had some coins in his hands.  I grabbed some coins and tried to discreetly sort out the big $1 and $2 coins.  As I handed him some coins, I saw another $1 coin land in his hands along with a few dimes.  He stared at his loot as I walked away. 

As I rounded the corner, I saw another young Asian guy sitting on the sidewalk across the street.  His hat was on the sidewalk.  But this time I didn't cross the street.  I figured I've done my good deeds already.  Except I kept thinking about him sitting there in the cold sidewalk a few times as I worked through the rest of the day.  I guess I didn't do enough good deeds yet.