February 8, 2010
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Snippets
Snippets: (noun) mini blog entries; what you write when you don’t have enough for a full blog entry; tidbits from a derange mind
1. I was driving to work on a quiet early morning and came across the first traffic light. It had just turned red and I slowed my car to a stop at the intersection. On the sidewalk to my right, there was a pigeon standing there at the corner. He looked like he wanted to cross the street. As the light turned green for the traffic going across from me, he walked into the intersection, crossing from my right to my left. He stayed on the pedestrian lane markings and safely made it across. It was one of the oddest things I’ve seen.
2. The drivers in my city never cease to amaze me with their stupidity. I was in the passing lane overtaking a few slow poke cars when I noticed a police car with lights flashing way back in my rear view mirror. I knew he wasn’t after me because I was only going 10 kph above the speed limit. But in order to move to the right, I had to overtake a few cars. So I gunned it, passed the cars and moved to the middle lane. The police car sped past me. I stayed in the middle lane. A couple of cars that were ahead of me on the left lane also quickly moved into the middle lane except for a family van. There wasn’t a shoulder on the van’s left – just a couple of feet before the cement barrier. So the driver decided to just stop his van. The police car slammed on his brakes and honked. The cars on the middle lane had to stop to let the police car into the middle lane so it could get around the van. I guess the driver either panicked or was confused. But it almost caused an easily avoidable accident. I easily overtook the van and continued. But in a further show of stupidity, that van eventually caught up with me and this time was easily doing 120kph to 130kph on the left lane.
3. One of my phobias is height. I’m deathly afraid of heights in an open area (e.g. a ski lift). I’m fine in an airplane and reasonably comfortable in the elevator on the CN Tower. I’m ok looking down from a building. But put me out in the open and I become a zombie. Neurons and synapses misfire. I don’t blink.
I might even start to growl. If you put me in a roller coaster, I won’t scream. I’ll just close my eyes and go “oh f……” during the entire ride (in a very high pitch voice).4. There’s quite a few interesting folks here in Xanga. Sometimes I wish I could secretly spy on you folks to see what you do in a typical day. If you’re reading this entry, I just transmitted a virus to your computer. It’ll turn on your webcam (the light won’t come on) and I’ll be spying on you.
5. If it has wheels, I’ll want to race it. Shopping carts, lawn mowers, wheel chairs… bring it on! I’ll bite, snarl, pinch, spit, growl to get in front of you. Once in front, I’ll fart causing you to convulse and fall further behind. I fear no one. I’ve been banned from many supermarkets. The Chinese supermarkets are the toughest ones for me. The little old ladies don’t hesitate to run over my ankles from behind to get ahead. C’mon po po… that’s not fair.
Uhm… ok, that’s enough for now.
Comments (31)
Oh gosh, the 4th entry scared me. *put on clothes*
I wanna race you in your Civic SiR.
If I lose I will tie you up on the roller coaster.
lol…you are such a trip Matt…if you lived closer, id def make you be my friend. And hey…loving my pjs? lol
Geez….I sure don’t want you to take over anything with wheels!
@Roadlesstaken - the women of Xanga paid me very handsomely to install that virus on your computer.
@yang1815 - well, that’s a tough one. I’ll make sure we have a tie.
@macphoto - cute pj’s…. *blush* you do need to comb your hair a bit. Sometimes my bizzare humor just takes over. Thanks for the rec.
@CurryPuffy - honest, I’m really not that bad. Seriously… ready, get set, go!
1. That pigeon is dangerous. If you see it again report it to authorities.
2. It takes a special kind of person doesn’t it?
3. I’m not big on depths. The idea of huge amounts of open space beneath me creeps me the heck out.
4. Maybe blink a light or something when you’re watching so you don’t have to watch me scratch and sniff my armpits or pull slimy stuff from my nose. Other than that though you’ll be pretty bored.
5. Let’s do a cheese wheel race. It could be an International Xanga event with regionals, Nationals, then an International Championship.
@ElusiveWords - tie? ah come on~
harness me up on a roller coaster any day, but make me look over the second floor of a mall and i’ll scream. oh i take that back, i once cursed all of southern california on a ride at knott’s berry farm. supreme scream = not cool.
I laughed when I read about the pigeon. How sad that the driver in the family van panicked., and then he had to drive fast later. May be he needed to use the bathroom real bad after the near encounter with the police car at his ass.
Heights! My greatest phobia! I stop breathing when I am on a bridge. My knees become wet noodles, and I actually break out in a sweat. Tall buildings do the same.
Yeah, I’ve seen you in my web cam. How come you don’t wear your dentures when you are at the computer??
I would love to race you with my snow blower buddy!! And you know what? I will let you win too. ha ha.
1) LOL at the pigeon. That’s truly a WTF moment.
2) I know what you mean. I’ve seen people like that before too. One time, it was a lady who FROZE because an ambulance was behind her. Traffic was trying to park, and the ambulance was directly behind her, and no one was in front of her. She just sat there, frozen in fear, while everyone was yelling at her to move out of the way. Eventually other cars pulled into the intersection and out of the ambulance’s way; and the ambulance went around her. Idiots. People like that should not be on the road.
3) I don’t like heights either. I don’t have much of a problem, but I would prefer not to be high up in the air with nothing keeping me from plunging to my death.
4) I have no webcam on purpose, and I’m acutely aware of any spy equipment wireless or hard-wired, on my property.
5) I actually don’t like racing anymore. I drive just a little above speed limit most of the time. If you put me on a racetrack though, I’ll still go at it. I used to prowl the freeways and mountains looking for races at night.
Thanks for the snippets. Thanks for sharing some of your thoughts.
Yes, there are many interesting people on Xanga. Thankfully, I’m using Tawn’s computer to read entries so the virus will be on his computer instead of mine. You can spend hours watching him figure out what to wear to work. That should cure your fascination with the lives of others! Ha ha…
Enjoyed the Snippets! Thanks for sharing them. A nice medley
Gah why would you ever stop in the left lane. Soo dangerous. I’m surprised the van wasn’t stopped by the cops.
And as an exhibitionist, I will make sure to put on a good show for you ;] hahahah
I laugh every time I read some of your entries. The pigeons do not live in our city – here we have doves which are not smart enough to stay in the crossing lanes. I am with you on heights! I never try to finger out what another driver is doing – except to avoid colliding with them.
If that webcam virus of yours works, you are in for a very, very entertaining day, my friend.
1)Couldn’t the pigeon just fly over the crossing? I think it was kind of stupid to wait for the signals and walk across.
2)You sure you weren’t on an Indian road?
3) I don’t get affected by heights… in fact I think I actually enjoy it.
4) Maybe I should put up a good show for you?
haha
5) I would love to race with you… anything other than motor vehicles is fine! Ok?
I’m afraid that you would have a very boring time spying on me today. I’m home sick and waiting for more snow. I’ll probably be in bed most of the day… but if that’s your idea of excitement, it’s fine by me
1) Sad to see how pigeons have become so urbanized that they now know how to read pedestrian signals. I feel like running over some now as I type this.
2) What’s wrong with driving fast on the passing lane?
3) When are you ever in the open at heights? Unless you are skydiving, there’s not really a chance. Being on a roller coaster don’t count because you are enclosed in a tiny vehicle. =P
4) You 100% positive you want to see me on cam? It’s not much to look at…
5) I can imagine you being one of those dads pushing their kids in their strollers and racing another dad that’s doing the same thing. I feel sorry for the kid.
There’s nothing as nice as living in cities with decent public transportation and not having to drive
for no.4… bring it on!
just for no.5 alone… well, it’s enough of a warning for anyone trying to get to know you. haha….
hahaha i love that pigeon! i’ve never seen anything like that either; it must have been quite hilarious to watch.
ugh, stupid drivers… i can’t stand that.
it’s a good thing i don’t have a webcam on my computer…
hehehe i can just imagine you racing some old chinese lady down the produce aisle in a grocery store!
HAHA @ the van. Good thing you didn’t get a ticket… I often get worried when a police car is behind me because I go exactly at 50 km/hr and move to another lane… usually the police car just speeds ahead of me.
@piyapong - hahaha… I don’t think I could look down from a balcony or even the second floor of a mall as well.
@ZSA_MD - you have a snow blower! *jealous look* I will have to get one even though I live in a condo. I need to practice.
@arenadi - #4 – I guess you must check regularly? I wonder if you had a problem with this before or if you’re just being careful.
@Norcani - you’re welcome.
@christao408 - I always thought he would pick out his clothes the night before.
@nahidasunil - you’re welcome and thank you for subscribing as well.
@Rm2046 - I hope it has a bit of Wong Kar-Wai feel to it.
@Fatcat723 - we have lots of pigeons here. I used to walk underneath a railroad overpass every day to school. The pigeons would just leave droppings all over the sidewalk. I hated that part.
@secade - darn, I was at work and must have missed a good show.
@Dezinerdreams - hee hee… it wasn’t an Indian road. We have our share of bad drivers here.
@TheCheshireGrins - *yawn*… yeah it was kinda boring. hahaha… you must be going beserk with all that snow.
@inchyguy - I get queasy even looking over the balcony of an apartment building, just looking down from a high area that is open (like a shopping mall, stairwell).
@TheLatinObserver - yeah… I wish my office was in the heart of the city.
@rudyhou - hey, you taped over your webcam!
@kunhuo42 - she was wearing Sauconys… no fair.
@mmmagination - I haven’t gotten a speeding ticket in a long time. The police set up a radar trap on a street I pass by everyday. I’m just astounded at how many drivers they catch.
@ElusiveWords - Totally! Usually I charge for that sort of stuff.
@ElusiveWords - But then I’d spend an hour trying to fall asleep as he stood there in front of the closet with the lights on. At least in the morning I can be out preparing breakfast, listening to NPR, etc.
# 4 lol omglmao
what a random post!! like it much… as usual =p i just wish i could write as good and interesting as you matt… you make my day!!
@lcfu - oh wow… the virus really works! I see you! I will sell your pics to all the folks that subscribe to your blog(s).
@ElusiveWords - lol 70:30?? fufu 70 matt 30:) i need $$ to travel
so you won’t be one of those people that face their fears by jumping out of an airplane? lol me neither.
@stepaside_loser - you would need to pump me full of drugs, booze and then pry my hands off the seat before throwing me out of the plane.