March 10, 2014
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Autopilot
I can’t describe the state of my mind lately. Detached is probably a good word for it. It’s as if my body is a shell. I’m aware of what is going on but my body is on autopilot.
A few days ago, I was at my sister’s birthday dinner. My brother and sister in law were hosting it at their place. But they were too busy hosting and we didn’t really get a chance to chat. While everyone was nice, I couldn’t really relate to anyone and just made small talk. The only time I connected with anyone was when a 5 yr old boy sitting beside me asked “Do you want to colour with me?”
He was working on his colouring book. He looked at me with his big blue eyes and waited for me to answer.
I replied “Sure, I have to stay inside the lines right?”
“Yes. Why don’t you colour his eyes?” and pointed to a Star Wars character on the left side of the book.
I reached for a crayon. It wasn’t Crayola and it didn’t smell like the old Crayolas that I remembered. Meanwhile the kid was layerd colours all over a light sabre and not staying within the lines. I carefully coloured General Grevious’ eyes red to give him a bloodshot effect. I stayed within the lines (retina?).
That was the highlight of my evening.
Maybe I need the Force to be with me…. or better yet, to jump start me.
Comments (9)
How sweet kids are, at least most of the time.
This was probably the first time you all got together after your dad left you, and I wonder if that was the reason you felt alone and detached from every one else.
love you Mattie.
We got together in January but that was it.
Aw, what a wonderful time!
What a sweet memory made for you and the little boy. I will always think it’s fun to color! And, yes, the Crayola crayons have a nice smell. 
I’m so sorry you are feeling detached.
I imagine your body and mind are still grieving…even if you don’t realize it.
Yes, may The Force jump start you, Matt!
HUGS!!!
You have a point about the grieving. Maybe it shows up in various forms.
hey…what’s your facebook?
Uhm… I don’t use Facebook.
arrrr…
sometime we need someone different and unexpected like the kid, to give us a certain calmness, andn to release us from stress. i for one never enjoy being in a party to be in a room full of people whom i’m not close with.
It was a bit awkward. I’m ok with small talk but after awhile, I rather be doing something else.